


The End of a Decade

by hylander



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-03-29 04:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 70,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13919574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hylander/pseuds/hylander
Summary: 'It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age.' - After the death of his first wife, Oscar sends Jude away to boarding school, breaking ties with his childhood friends. Years later, Jude eventually makes his way back to Los Angeles and reconnects with his people, only to be crushed by an unexpected transformation he hadn't seen coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't get enough of them! i always loved high school AU so, here's my attempt.  
> Feedbacks and comments are very appreciated <3

Lionel Kinkade let out a heavy sigh as she was leaning against the doorframe of her stepson’s bedroom. “Jude, honey, you’re putting too much pressure on yourself.”

Jude lifted his hazel eyes on her, even more worried. “I haven’t seen them in almost ten years. What if they don’t like me?”

He was so nervous that he had barely slept at all. Eight years of boarding school had broken all the ties he ever had with his childhood friends, and as much as Lionel was trying her best for the past few days to cheer him up, he knew that he had _every_ reason to be worried. Teenagers were not exactly known as the most welcoming and forgiving people. Although he did try in the past to get from his father the opportunity to come back closer from home, Lionel was the one who eventually succeeded to make him change his mind. And now here he was. He headed towards the drawer and considered for a second two different shirts, before eventually picking the blue one, closing the drawer from a nudge. Lionel stepped in the bedroom and adjusted the shirt on his shoulders.

“Oh, honey. Everybody will like you. Time had made a wonderful work on you”, Lionel said with a wicked smile.

Instantly, Jude felt the red creeping up to his cheeks. In the course of the last year, he had reached a critical size where people were just noticing him _everywhere_. Not in a weird gigantic way, but with _approval_? It was so hard for him to process around the idea that people, random strangers in the street, could look at him and just approve of him. He had never been used to be the center of the attention. He had been the silent kid, the shy kid, the smart kid. But he had never even drawn the attention of his father before, why would suddenly everyone check him out? That was weird and not in a pleasant way, no matter how hard Lionel was pushing him to accept and enjoy it. Attention wasn’t the worst of his daily struggles though. He had yet to get used to his new, adult self, an upgraded version much taller and with much broader shoulders. He had been bumping his head, his shoulders, his knees, even his elbows – and by extension every single part of his body – more often in the course of the last year than ever before in his life. Kids always wanted to be taller, but nobody ever warned them about the cons of being fucking _tall_.

“Come on, even with my genes, you couldn’t be prettier.” Lionel nudged him playfully, walking back to the door.

Jude rolled his eyes and followed her. She insisted on dropping him to school, stating that a Kinkade could attend a very average high school, but taking the bus was one step too far. Jude raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue with that – mostly because he didn’t know what to say, other than _what the fuck_. Lionel could be a bit _extra_ at times, and although Jude loved his stepmom dearly, there were moments where even he couldn't catch on all the amount of extra. Like now. When she parked the ridiculously garish Porsche in front of the school, he felt the need to creep into a hole and never step out from it ever again, as the other students were looking at them with a mix of disbelief and interest. Jude could still feel their glance on him long after he had climbed off the car, trying desperately to drown himself in the crowd. During the summer-break, he had attempted to reconnect through Facebook with some of his childhood friends when his transfer had been approved by his new high school. And even though the exchanges had gone well, nothing would have possibly prepared him to almost have a heart attack in the hallway, on his very first day at school.

“JUDE ALEXANDER KINKADE”, someone shouted behind him, drawing the attention of everyone on him once again and making him startle. When he turned back, he spotted a blonde girl in the black and red cheerleading uniform of the school.

“Oh my God, Kyle”, he exclaimed in disbelief, as she was staring at him from head to toe.

He had left behind a small girl with big blue eyes and blonde pigtails. The pigtails were long gone, however she had not changed much, after all. She still seemed rather talkative and daring, as she had always been. He was now at least one head taller than her, but it certainly didn’t stop her from punching him playfully in the shoulder.

“What the hell happened to you in that tight-ass school of yours?” There was big smile on her face, and somehow she reminded him of Lionel. Pretty, confident, and clearly outspoken.

“Shut up”, he replied with a laugh.

“I’m just _so glad_ you came back. Like really. Come with me, I get to show off with a cute guy”, she decided, firmly gripping his arm and leading him through the flow of people making their way in the hallway.

Jude felt the weight on his shoulders slowly lifting up. Kyle was babbling as if they had seen each other two days ago. Maybe Lionel was right. Maybe he had been overthinking it. Okay he _definitely_ had been. He followed her through the whole school, Kyle stopping from time to time to greet someone with ecstatic squeals. He frowned a little when he spotted several glances among Kyle's friends and acquaintances.

"Don't pay attention to Sadie", Kyle said when a girl with strawberry-blond hair in a cheerleading uniform literally made eyes at him. "She's a bitch. She plays with boys and breaks their damn hearts."

There was something determined and categorical in the way she said it that made Jude feel like she definitely knew someone who had gotten a bit too close from the said Sadie.

"Noted", he said.

Since he had retrieved his planning the day before, they knew that they shared the first period together, and Kyle decided that they had still plenty of time before it started to say hello to everyone. Jude wasn’t exactly sure about who ‘everyone’ was, nor if he really liked the sound of that. He might have spent a decade in boarding-schools, but he knew how to identify a popular kid when he had one in front of him, and Kyle was clearly one of those. He was fucking screwed. He had never been much of a popular kid himself, and when Kyle would find out about his complete lack of social skills, she would find him _slightly_ less interesting to show off. He decided to come clean before he could find himself in an awkward situation where he would most likely be unable to even do small talk with her friends.

“Kyle, I’m sure ‘everyone’ is cool but-” Just as he was grabbing her arm to make her turn back, he saw a group of students gathered outside, sitting on an exterior table. His eyes narrowed when they slipped on the faces.

“Kinkade!”

The voices were different, of course, and a significant amount of inches and muscles had been added to their original eight-year-old selves, but Jude could definitely recognize Derek Roman and Terrence Wall. Kyle gestured towards the three girls still sitting at the table, two girls whose faces were estranged to him, and was that…? _Yes_ , Raquel. “Jude, this is Ahsha, and this is Jelena. You remember Raq, right?”

Jude nodded, smiling back at Raquel. She had not changed much either, still a Latin beauty with dark hair and admittedly impressive green eyes. Their moms had befriended while they were pregnant, and had remained friends afterwards – well until his mom died, that is. The two boys jumped from the table and gave him some much virile slaps in the back, Terrence’s making him feel like one of his lungs had just bounced up in his chest. The school bell rang shortly afterwards, pushing back any longer conversations to later moments, and Kyle gripped Raquel’s arm and his own, hurrying towards their classroom for the first period after waving to the rest of the group. His first class was advanced biology, with a certain Mr. Gibbins.

The following class was Spanish, where he had the good surprise to find Derek and Jelena, while Terrence and Ahsha had opted for French along with Raquel. The third period, algebra, was an advanced course as well, also followed by Jelena. By lunch time, Jude had to recognize that so far, the day had been astonishingly great. He couldn’t still quite believe that it had been so _easy_ and a part of him was still nervously waiting for something bad to happen. As he _s_ at down next to Kyle in the cafeteria, he tried to cool himself. People had been reacting with an obvious interest when they spotted him next to Kyle, appreciating smiles and so-not-subtle blinks, but he could live with that. He just needed to stop thinking about it, and it would be fine. Right? They were soon joined by Terrence and Jelena (who were definitely together), Ahsha and Derek (who would definitely end up together) and Raquel. As they all settled, Jude took a sip from his soda can, trying to ignore the three girls that were currently eyeing him at the table next to theirs.

“So, what was boarding school like?” Derek asked.

Jude shrugged. “Boring. With a fucking uniform, by the way.”

Kyle patted his knee. “Congrats, you’re officially the star player in their fantasies now”.

They all turned their heads towards the three girls, who were now giggling behind their hair. Jude groaned. He had forgotten about this. In a way, that was the perks of being in an all-boys school, but he rather wanted to leave that part aside or he would never hear the end of it.

"Honestly when you told me you were coming back, I didn't believe it", Kyle admitted between two sips of water.

"Why that?" Jude asked with a small laugh.

"Your _dad_ ", Kyle and Raquel said together.

He raised his eyebrows. He hadn't thought Oscar Kinkade would have left such a lasting impression to his friends that they could remember him after about a decade without never actually meeting him once. Jude didn't know whether he should be relieved to feel like everyone when it came to his dad, or if it was actually just speaking volumes about the man.

"Yeh, my stepmom helped me on this one", Jude conceded.

Raquel looked at him in sympathy. "It's nice if you two get along."

Kyle snorted and leaned over her plate to talk to Terrence. “See, Wall? That’s possible to get along with a stepmom.”

“Go check on yours”, Terrence snapped back, which made everyone laugh.

The conversation then drifted on the upcoming basketball season. Of course, Derek and Terrence were solid members of the team, just like Jelena, Kyle and Ahsha were part of the cheerleading squad. Raquel told him that she had to drop cheerleading this year due to schedules conflict, but that she was fine with it. After a while, Jude left his gaze wander around the cafeteria. Lionel would never stop bragging about how right she had been the whole time, but he could live that as long as the situation was working his way. He was taken back to reality when Derek and Terrence shouted in a same voice, making him startle.

“Zero, c’mon dude!”

Jude’s eyes grew wide and his heart skipped a beat, as he was chocking in his drink. Zero… _Zero?_ The guy who was walking right towards their table was nothing like the boy he used to know when they were kids. They had never been friends before, Jude didn't even know what his real name was, but he was a friend of Derek’s and thus he had entered the picture some time before he left for boarding school. As far as he could remember, Zero had always been the problematic kid. He was loud, and messy, and wild. He rarely did his homework, started the mess with older kids, and liked to tease the teachers. He was that one, annoying kid with scratched knees and devilish grin. And yet. He was perhaps as tall as Derek now, and the Henley he was wearing was clearly marking the muscles of his torso and the shape of his strong shoulders. His hair was much lighter than Jude recalled – could he be _dying_ it? But that’s when his eyes reached his _face_ that Jude felt like he would never be able to breathe again. Zero had strikingly blue eyes and God, his _smile_ when he just answered something to Derek and Terrence – something he couldn’t even hear because his brain was literally crashing just by staring at him.

“Jude?”

He startled when he heard Kyle calling him. She was looking at him with raised eyebrows, and for a second, Jude was convinced that he looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Her intervention had not gone unnoticed, and before he could answer, Zero’s gaze was already on him, and _his smile_ was all over his face, making Jude’s heart miss yet another couple of beats.

“Holy shit, Jude Kinkade”, he grinned.

Jude did his best to hide the thunderstorm of emotions that was currently messing everything up in his head, and he tried to strike what he hoped looked like a casual pose – an elbow resting on the back of his chair, slightly turned toward the end of the table.

“Zero”, he smiled back, hoping that the blush he was starting to feel creeping up to his cheeks wasn’t too obvious – who was he even kidding?

Zero smirked. “What happened to that tight-ass boarding school you abandoned us for?”

Jude cleared his throat. “I grew bored of rich assholes”, he shrugged.

Which was true, in the end.

“Z, you stayin’ with us?” Terrence asked, making Zero's attention drift away.

_Please no_. The only spot left at the table was just right in front of him. How were people expecting him to fucking _eat_ while the Cinemax version of _Zero_ was just inches away from him? If he was able to breath at all that’d already be a miracle.

“Nah, I gotta go. Catch up later”, Zero said with a last slap on Derek’s back.

And with that he headed towards the exit of the cafeteria, a water bottle in one hand. Jude forced himself to look away and as his eyes were drifting back to his plate, he realized that he wasn’t really hungry anymore, rather emotionally drained. Fuck. What the hell had just happened?

*

The schoolyear had started on a Tuesday, but the rest of the week went pretty smoothly, to Jude’s surprise. Once he managed not to get all twisted up because of social anxiety, he realized that he was adapting pretty well. The requirement level was apparently set lower than in his previous school, and he had no trouble to adjust with new teachers. Most of them barely cared at all, which was fine.

Most of the conversations with his group of friends were revolving around the pending tryouts, both for the Basketball Team and the Cheerleading Squad. Terrence and Derek were obviously returning, but Jude was almost surprised to hear about Zero again. He had barely seen him at all since the first day, to the point where he was just thinking that maybe he had dreamt their first encounter in the cafeteria.

“Honestly, if he was only bowing his head a little from time to time, he’d be Captain already”, Kyle sighed, shaking her head, as they were chatting during a free period.

“Terrence’s great, so is Derek, but Zero’s got something more. If he was just closing his damn mouth from time to time and keeping his fists for himself, but _noooo_ ”, Kyle drawled, emphasizing the last word comically.

She closed her locker and they headed outside. September was still fairly warm and they sat to one of the exterior tables, enjoying the sun of the morning.

“I was meaning to ask, when did the two of you become this close?” Jude eventually asked. He had remarked that beside Derek and Terrence, Kyle was talking about him the most.

She shrugged. “Fourth grade. My dad left us one morning, and told my mom he was moving in with the mother of Shelley Dornan. After that, Shelley told everyone that her parents had divorced because of my dad, and everybody stopped talking to me for a while. Except Zero. When I asked him why, he said that Shelley’s mother sucked just as much as my dad. It was just him and me for a while and ten years later, here we are”.

Jude winced. "I'm sorry for your dad, I didn't know".

Kyle patted his knee. "Duh, how could you? But I'm fine. I'd rather have no father than one who doesn't want to be there and keeps making my mom miserable".

Jude couldn't help but feel like it was exactly his father's description but didn't say anything. Lionel seemed happy, and he didn't care much about his father's own happiness in the end.

Kyle crossed her legs on the bench and turned towards Jude. "Y’know, there's one summer we call the Great Summer Break. That's the summer where my parents officially got divorced and so did Terrence's. And also the one where one of Derek's stepdads left his mom. That was a really shitty summer but Zero had his way to pump us all up. I think that's when the guys started to hang around, playing ball all day".

Jude laughed. He had no trouble to picture a nine-year-old Zero yelling at everyone to get them to move their asses. That had always been his style and one of the few things that even as a kid Jude had noticed about him.

"But enough talks about him, his head is already too big for the doorframes. What about you?" Kyle asked, leaning closer with an excited smile.

Jude racked his brain but so far there wasn't a single thing that looked remotely exciting. "My dad got remarried. That's about the most thrilling thing that happened to me", he said with a shrug.

Kyle snorted. "Don't worry, Kinkade. I'm pretty sure you'll have a lot on your plate sooner than you even expect".

After a couple of minutes, they joined the rest of the group for lunch in the Cafeteria, Jelena complaining it was too hot to have lunch outside. Jude was discussing football with Derek when Zero dropped himself on the chair next to Kyle.

"What's the matter with you, duckling?" She nudged him while eating some fries.

"I suck at algebra and my tutor is a fucking ass", he groaned, before taking some fries as well from Kyle's plate.

"Why are you already in need of a tutor? It's only September dude", Terrence pointed out, emerging from his conversation with Jelena.

Zero made a face. "I already sucked at algebra back in June, and thanks to _Travis_ the Coach noticed it and now he says that if I don't improve my grades this year, I'm done with Basketball".

A general groan welcomed this information. Jude had no idea who the hell _Travis_ was, nor what he had done to Zero, but obviously he was the only one. There was so much contained anger in his voice and his eyes that Jude was surprised not to see a hole in the table where his look landed – like Scott Summers, in the X-Men. 

When Raquel asked him who his tutor was, Zero looked frankly pissed. "Brumells. That asshole is just too happy to finally get his revenge on me."

Kyle snorted. "You shouldn't have made fun of him in the first place".

"It was fucking years ago. Can't he just move on?", Zero snapped.

Jude realized that the conversations between his other friends had resumed, and he decided to focus on his plate rather than just listen to a talk that was none of his business. Well, that's what he intended to do until he heard his name.

He turned to Kyle. "What?"

"You're good with algebra, right?"

"Yeh, I'm in Walters' advanced course. Why?"

Kyle had a large grin and clapped her hands together, making Derek and Terrence's attention drift back on her. "Perfect. Guys, I've saved the team".

"No you _haven't_ , it's not Kinkade's job to baby-sit me", Zero groaned, rolling his eyes.

"I don't mind", Jude heard himself saying. He met the surprise glance of Zero as he looked up from his plate. "I mean, if I can save the team...", he added with a wry smile.

"That's settled then", Kyle decided, very pleased with herself.

*

Zero looked at the ceiling, high above him, hands shoved in his pockets. "Don't you get lost in there sometimes?"

There was a smirk on his lips as he was glancing at the entrance of the house. Jude shrugged. "I haven't been here much, you know. Boarding school and all", he said, closing the front door behind them.

He hoped he was nailing the casual tone, because deep down he was a fucking mess. He hadn't yet grown used to what he kept calling the Cinemax version of Zero – because it was still beyond his understanding that _he actually knew him_ since he was 8 –, so he wasn't sure whether tutoring him was good for his own brain or just the promise of more and more cold showers. To be fair, he had willingly accepted, and even Zero seemed reluctant at first, not wanting to bother – 'I'm a lost cause for algebra, Kinkade, you'll just lose your time' –, so he _could_ have decided not to do it. But at the same time he was too thrilled to get to spend some time alone with him. In the end, he might have let his lower body make the decision for him, and he wasn't proud of it.

They had agreed that Zero would come to study at Jude’s place after the last period, since practice with the Basketball Team wasn’t due until next week, after the tryouts. Then they would need to find another way to schedule it all, since Jude had learned that Zero was working in a garage during the week-ends, but he assured him that they’d figure something out in time. Zero glanced around, letting out an impressed whistle as he was looking at the kitchen that was facing the front door, and then the living-room on the right.

"Your mom?", Zero asked, gesturing from his chin towards a framed picture of Jude and Lionel on display in the entrance.

"Nah, my stepmom. Lionel", Jude said. He motioned towards the staircase, and Zero followed him. "What's the deal with your folks?"

Jude didn't get offended at Zero’s brutal honesty, thinking back about the Great Summer Break Kyle had told him about instead. "My mom died. It’s been years now", he replied as they reached the upper floor.

They were not really a house where it was common to just go and talk about the long dead ones. His mother, Anna, had died when he was 8 and he had made peace with it a long time ago. Instead of going with the more or less traditional 'I'm sorry', Zero went with a 'That sucks' that suited him better.

Jude smiled. "It does, but Lionel is cool."

He opened the door of his bedroom and dropped his book bag next to his bed. Zero didn't wait to be invited to make himself at home before he started looking at Jude's stuff. Luckily he had nothing embarrassing on display, because the baller's blue eyes were scanning the room as though he had X-Ray vision. Zero eventually dropped himself at the foot of the bed. "Why did you leave for boarding-school by the way?”

Jude started to retrieve his books from his bag. “Because my mom died and my father didn’t really have time to waste with me, I guess?”

“So that’s why you were taken from us?”

Jude raised his head, quirking an eyebrow. He expected a huge, teasing grin on Zero’s face, but instead there was nothing but a considering glance, and Jude felt slightly awkward.

He cleared his throat, waving his hand. “Anyway, I’m back now. Let’s get started with algebra.”


	2. Chapter 2

The house of Terrence's parents was full of happy, drunk teenagers and it was still a miracle that no one in the neighborhood had yet called the cops by the time Jude headed to the kitchen for a refile. But he had his third empty beer in his hands and had already won a couple of sets of beer-pong, so he was cool with it. The welcoming party was apparently some kind of institution for the ballers, the cheerleaders and their relatives - but everybody knew that the ballers were not picky, so everybody was pretty much invited and that was one of the main reason why everybody loved them.  

"I wouldn't drink this if I were you", a voice said behind him as Jude was about to take a sip from the drink one of them had just handed him. He turned a puzzled face on Derek, who was taking his drink away. "Why that?" 

Derek slipped an arm around his neck, making him turn back to the other side of the room. Three of the team's new trainees, freshmen with that, were loudly fussing together under the mocking look of their elder teammates. "The guys are messing with the new kids. Just stay away from the booze they might give you if you want to stay up."  

Jude gave a look to Derek. "And you agree with that?"  

Derek laughed. "Trust me, that's the nicest thing they had in mind, I've already done my best for them".  

He gave him a slap in the back and left him for Ahsha, while Jude headed back for the living room, where an intense 'drink or dare' game was going on. When Jude had asked Kyle earlier what the hell had happened to the initial 'truth or dare', she had replied that the truth had been lost over an hour ago. Kyle, Raquel, Jimmy (a member of the football team), and two or three other people he didn't remember the name of were seating on the couch or on the coffee table. Kyle and Raquel sat him between them and happily got him a refile from God knew where. He wasn't drunk, but not so worried about things that would normally lead him to overthink everything. That's probably why he ended up kissing Raquel, after she had been dared to do so, drunk people laughing and loudly cheering on them when there was suddenly a bit more tongue than the bet originally requested it. Okay, maybe he wasn't _just_ tipsy. It was Jimmy's turn when Jude felt Kyle stiffen next to him. 

"What the fuck", he heard her grumble in her breath.  

"What's wrong?", Jude asked with a laugh. 

Kyle looked at him in surprise, apparently not realizing that she had spoken out loud. "Nothing, I gotta check on something", she said before standing up. She left the living room where the game drifted on 'drink or drink', and went upstairs, trying not to stumble on the couple making out in the middle of staircase. She searched the corridor of the upper floor for a moment, through the people coming and going, then planted herself in front of a couple. The girl was leaning against the wall, the guy laughing with her. They were close, so close, _too_ close, to the point where his damn mouth was practically glued to her neck.  

"Can I talk to you?", she said, clearly making it sound like she wouldn't take no for an answer.  

Zero looked up at Kyle and slowly withdrew from Sadie's personal space. The girl gave her a look, but nothing that could faze Kyle. If anything, it was just a proof that she wasn't drunk in the slightest. And that was speaking volumes, because If she wasn't intending to drink herself out, then she would have left about an hour ago, when most non-drunk people had started to leave. After telling something into Sadie's ear, the simple gesture making Kyle roll her eyes, Zero followed his friend in a room further on their right. 

It didn't take her long to start hissing at him. "Are you fucking kidding me? _Sadie_?" 

Zero laughed. "That's fine Kyle". 

"No that's not! Last time wasn't enough for you?", she snapped back.  

He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Sadie and I are _just_ talking. Okay? And if that goes any further, well that's just sex, really." 

Kyle scoffed. Great, that was even better then. Last thing she needed, last thing _he_ needed was to knock her up on top of everything else. She was about to add something but let out a frustrated groan instead. Zero was so fucking stupid. Almost suicidal. Clearly masochist. " _Fine_. If you end up crying your eyes out, be prepared for the worst ' _I told you so_ ' in the damn history of the fucking world", she retorted, pointing an accusing finger on his chest, before angrily striding out of the study.  

* 

“Here, take this”, Lionel said patiently while handing him over a glass of cold water. Jude barely managed to get the sheets away from his face. Sunlight was flooding the bedroom from every corner and his eyes were so sensitive that he couldn’t see a damn thing without feeling like his eyes were going to melt. As he was drinking some of the water, Lionel hit his naked arm, causing him to spill water on himself and chocking with his sip.  

“That was for coming home drunk as a frat boy”, she said much, much louder than she was supposed to, and as she was leaning close enough to yell directly in his ear, he assumed that the pain that exploded in his brain was the exact purpose of it.  

“Please, I’m sorry”, he whined, pulling the sheets over his head again.  

But Lionel was obviously not ready to let him die peacefully in his bed, no. Instead she grabbed the sheets away. “I don’t think so, Sir. You have class today. Get up, take a shower, and be ready in fifteen minutes.”  

“Can’t I skip for today? Please, I swear I’m not doing this again, I just need to lay down”.  

“Certainly _not_. Your ass. Downstairs. In fifteen minutes”, she retorted before leaving the room, hammering the ground with her heels.  

Eventually, Jude managed to climb off the bed and after a cold shower, felt slightly more human as he walked downstairs to hit on the coffee machine under the scrutiny of Lionel. “It was your friend Raquel’s birthday, right?” she said, deep in thoughts. He nodded in his cup of black coffee. “Did you make a move on her already?”, she asked with a wicked smile.  

For the second time in the morning, Jude chocked himself with his beverage. “What? _No_ , I’m friend with her, that’s it. What do you all have with that?” he mumbled in his cup.  

That was not the thing to say out loud. Lionel was already on the edge. “So I’m not the only one who thinks you two would make a cute couple!”, she said, clapping her hands with enthusiasm.  

Jude rolled his eyes. “You’ve seen her once and from inside the house, I don’t see how you could _possibly_ even know what she looks like”, he groaned, shaking his head. Raquel had indeed offered him several rides home, and since she was driving a convertible, Lionel had spotted her once, then proceeded to tease him about getting a very cute girlfriend on the very first week. And of course, no matter how many times Jude actually repeated that _she was just a friend._  

His stepmom looked innocently at the fridge. “I might have checked her on Facebook. You know. Just to be prepared.”  

Jude snorted. “I promise, I’ll tell you if I stumble on the mother of my kids before next Thanksgiving.” That was a promise he wouldn’t have much difficulty to keep, at least.  

Lionel dropped him off to school. He had his driving license but still no car on his own and he wasn't sure whether bringing that up now that Lionel had something against him – the frat boy thing – was a good strategy or not. When he got out of the car, his stepmother warned him that if he was planning to start doing drugs before the end of the day, he didn't need to bother coming home. Jude winced by himself. She might not be his actual mom, but she had surprisingly nailed the guilt thing of a true one. The day had started like any other, although even Mr. Gibbins eventually noticed that most of his students were completely unresponsive and frankly looked like trash. Jude was surprised to find out that Kyle and Zero were not talking to each other, something he was definitely not the only one to notice.  

"They've never stopped talking for so long", Raquel pointed out later between two periods, as Ahsha, Jude and her had just witnessed Zero and Kyle ignoring each other in the hallway for about the third time since the morning.  

"Do you know what happened?", Ahsha asked her.  

"I think it's because of Sadie", she replied with a knowing look, which earned her a _'No way!_ ' from Ahsha. 

Jude had been following Kyle with his eyes as she was walking away towards the first floor, and after muttering a 'See you later' to the girls, he quickly crossed the hall, hurrying in the stairs to catch up on her pace. The good thing of being tall was that he only needed one step to catch on at least two of hers. "Hi there", she nudged him after he had called out her name. They were reaching the first floor when he took her away from the flow of students heading for their classes.  

"What's the big deal with Zero?", he finally asked, tilting his head on the side. Kyle shrugged and was about to answer when Jude cut her off. "Don't tell me it's nothing. Everybody knows you guys aren't talking. Is it because of Sadie?"  

She raised her eyebrows. "Are you listening to rumors now?", she groaned.  

"Raquel and Ahsha said that." 

There was a silence, during which Kyle lost her blue eyes in the crowd before sighing. "He's so damn _stupid._ He just won't listen to me - nor anyone else for that matter - and it gives me massive murdering waves. Are you happy now?"  

Jude felt his stomach flipping a little, but decided to ignore it. Zero was a big no zone for him. Sooner he was accepting it, better it'd be. But he couldn't stop that part of his brain that was actually genuinely concerned the mess currently happening. "What happened? With her?"  

Kyle tapped her foot a couple of times on the ground, then crossed her arms on the name of the school plastered on her cheerleading uniform. "I told you the first day. She's a bitch. She played with him like all the others", she said, obviously pissed off. "They were dating. Last year, for about three or four months maybe. Then she cheated on him and that's when things got really bad. The other guy was a year ahead of us, a baller with that. Travis Abramson. Zero and him fought in the Cafeteria and it was a fucking mess. After that Zero got suspended for a week and almost got fired from the Team. A fucking miracle the Abramsons didn't press charges, or this dumbass would have a record by now." 

Jude frowned. "And what does it have to do with you and him not talking?" 

Kyle made a face. "I think he's starting to see her again." 

Jude winced. It didn't look good, indeed. "If he wants her, there's not much we can do about it, though", he diplomatically pointed out. Not like Zero was the kind of guy to just sit and listen, and worst, _obey_.  

Kyle sighed again. "You don't get it, do you?" 

"Get what?" 

“What do you know about Zero's parents?"  

Jude opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He was embarrassed to realize that he had never asked, neither now, nor ten years ago, not even when Zero had enquired about his mom. "Nothing", he admitted.  

"Well, he doesn't have", Kyle replied. 

Jude furrowed his brows, missing a few sentences of hers as he was processing. "Wait, how come? What do you mean by he 'doesn't have'?' He was almost hoping that it was a 'he doesn't have' as 'he doesn't have his parents near because they are travel agents always travelling the world'. But somehow that didn't fit Zero.  

Kyle shrugged one shoulder. "His mom left him when he was 5. My point is, it wasn't his _burning and consuming love_ for Sadie Sinclair that made his fists punch Travis' face over and over again last year. It was his fucking abandonment issues. And I don't want him to screw everything up with his scholarship – because he _will_ get one – for someone like Sadie who's never gonna give two shits about him." 

The second bell rang and Kyle looked back, slightly frowning. "I gotta go. Catch up later." 

* 

Jude had been replaying the conversation he had in the morning with Kyle a couple of times already, and all he could think about was that he shouldn't be getting himself into others' business, especially not Zero's. Sure, he could still try to deceive himself into thinking that he was just _helping a friend,_ but that wasn't Kyle's blue eyes he was sometimes thinking about, and him asking questions about Sadie and whatever her relationship with Zero was or had once been was the most elementary conflict of interest. He was closing his locker at the end of the day when he heard someone calling his name, only to find a guy he vaguely remembered seeing in his advanced course in math looking at him with an assured smile plastered on his face. The guy was shorter than him, slightly regular looking, but exuding confidence. He was usually good at remembering names, but he hadn't paid enough attention in the first place to catch this one's. "Hi, I'm Lucas. Sorry to come out of the blue like that ", the guy grinned.  

Jude quirked an eyebrow. "I'd usually introduce myself now but apparently you know my name already".  

Lucas laughed. " _Touché_. Look, I'm the Captain of the Swim Team and I heard you were a swimmer back in your former school. We could use a little help in our corner this year".  

Jude frowned. "And how exactly did you _hear_ about it since I haven't said it to anyone in the first place?" He hadn't deliberately tried to hide it to anyone, it just never came in the conversation. Most of the time he was just focusing on his integration here.  

Lucas had a wicked smile. "I have my way". 

Jude studied him for a second, not really knowing what to think about him, then he shrugged. "Why don't you guys do tryouts like the other teams?" The Basketball, Football and Cheerleading Teams had done theirs a few days ago but that was still fairly early in the year.  

Lucas seemed pissed off for a second. "We _did_ , but they suck. Look, you were the best in your team, everybody said that-" 

So he not only had found a way to discover whatever he was doing back in his boarding school, his name, probably his schedule, but also his reputation. The guy was either about to become a CIA agent or a fucking serial killer. Jude turned to him. "I was the _second_ best", he corrected him, only to make Lucas' grin grow bigger.  

"Point is, you were good, you still are, and you're shaped like a champ. Why don't you just give it a try? The guys are cool, and we could really use some help to improve the ranking. With someone like you, we could make it to the next division."  

That was interesting, if Jude had to be honest, albeit a little weird. He wasn't sure if it was actually the usual way of enrolling new trainees. He had been swimming since he was little, doing competition since he was 11, and he actually missed that, now that he was giving it a thought. He wasn't so much of an athlete, not in the way of Derek, Terrence or Zero, or at least he never perceived himself as such. But he missed competition. And his school records would remain totally empty if he wasn't actually paying them more attention. Swim Team could help fill it and if he managed to actually improve the ranking along with the team, it'd look a little bit better on his file. Not that being a member of a second-class Swim Team in a public high school would ever make it up for the private one he had left for no apparent reason, though. "Fine, I'll think about it", Jude said, starting to walk away.  

"Great", he heard Lucas saying. 

In the end, Jude didn't need to think it through much longer, as he had already made his call. Lucas informed him next morning about the general policies of the team, but nothing he said was actually brand new information, except maybe for practice's scheduling. To improve the performances of the Squad, Coach Ledderman, who was in charge of the swimmers, had decided to split practice in two, simply going with the girls on one side and the boys on another, with five members each, booked for the morning or for the afternoon depending of the weeks. Lucas quickly explained that the girls had been complaining about morning practice because their hair would remain wet all day long, and the guys weren’t thrilled about starting early every morning simply because they had not fancy hairstyles; they had no choice but to take turn for morning practice, and Coach Ledderman had made it plain that he would not deal with any more whines about the subject in the future.  

However, if there was one thing that Jude hadn’t expected, it was that by lunch, everybody would already know that he was the new member of the squad.  

"I didn't know you had tried out", Kyle said, as they were eating.  

He shrugged. "I didn't, Lucas came to ask me to join the team." 

There was a silence at the table, and he looked around after swallowing the sip of water he had just taken from his bottle. Once again, Zero was missing, but given the state of his relationship with Kyle right now, Jude wasn't much surprised. "What?" 

"You must be a really valuable member if _Brumells_ came for you", Ahsha pointed out with a raised eyebrow, as she was opening her soda can.  

Brumells? _Oh_. That's why he needed to have people around. To give him that kind of information _beforehand_. He would probably have reconsidered it if he had known that the Captain of the Team was the douchebag of tutor of Zero. Admittedly someone who was able to hold grudges for years, apparently.  

"I get the feeling that there will be a lot more people attending practice now", Derek laughed.  

Jude rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the heat on his cheeks. "Shut the fuck up", he mumbled. 

* 

“So. You and Raquel, hun?” 

They were sitting flat in Jude’s bedroom, backs resting against the bed and school books pooled around them. Jude lifted his eyes from the algebra exercise he was correcting for Zero and looked at him with a puzzled face. They had barely time to catch up since Terrence's party. Jude had been starting practice with the Swim Team and Zero with the Basketball Team. They just got in touch to decide that Zero would drop by after practice.  

Jude thought back to the kiss with Raquel, although the memory looked slightly blurred.  

_Oh._  

“What? No”, he replied hastily. Then realizing that it was sounding condescending, he added: “I mean, she’s cute, really. But we’ve known each other since we were born.”  

Zero raised his eyebrow with a ‘ _so what?_ ’ look. Fuck he looked so good, Jude thought as he swallowed thickly. He felt the heat on his cheeks and looked away, his eyes falling on the paper he was holding. “We’re _not_ together”, he simply huffed. He hated the fact that he was defenseless in front of Zero. Whenever he was talking to him, or even looking at him, he was completely unable to behave or talk like he normally would, and he _hated_ that.  

“But you did kiss her at Terrence’s party”, Zero pointed out.  

Jude sighed. He had no idea how he learnt about it, nor why he was bringing that up, but he was starting to feel annoyed. Raquel _was_ a cute girl, but how can no one just realize that _no_ was just _no?_ “It was just a stupid game. And judging by the way you and Kyle are _not_ talking, I'm not the only one who did stupid stuff that night.", he bit back. 

Zero groaned. "You shouldn't pay attention to rumors". Jude couldn't help but feel slightly amused. He and Kyle were truly alike, sometimes.  

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m new around. Rumors are the only way for me to try to catch up on what's going on", Jude pointed out dryly.  

Zero shrugged. "Whatever. I already told Kyle that I wasn't interested in making up with Sadie. She's getting uptight for like, literally nothing." It was the first time Zero was actually acknowledging that Sadie existed in front of him. The girls had obviously guessed right on this one.  

Jude gave him a considering look. "So you being suspended and almost fired from the team is nothing?" He didn't know why he was pushing so hard when everything, from Zero's slightly annoyed tone to his own brain was telling him to _stop_ and mind his fucking business. The blond shot him a look and for a moment, he felt like Zero was going to yell at him, maybe even punch him - he was apparently a puncher, history had proven that. 

"I never said that, I said that whatever she thinks, you guys _all_ think, is happening with Sadie is just bullshit. We were just talking. Not sucking air out of each other's lungs like you and Raquel." 

Jude wanted to facepalm himself. "I said it was nothing" and then mumbled as his eyes were falling on the paper: “It’s not like I’m into girls anyway.” He tightened his grip on the paper, realizing a split second too late what he had just said. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He really didn’t. Zero hummed in response, but it was something that Jude was nowhere capable to interpret. Was it surprise? Was it disdain? He could feel his look on him and after a few seconds, he just couldn’t bear it any longer and looked up, his heart beating hieratically. 

There was a damn smirk on Zero’s lips. “How long have you known you were into boys?” 

Jude was taken aback. Fuck he was blushing. He blinked a couple of times, then looked away. “I-I don’t know, can we just get back to this?”  

But Zero seemed like he was having _way_ too much fun to let it go, all traces of annoyance fading away. “Come _on_ ”, he insisted with a huge, devilish grin on his ridiculously gorgeous face. “You attended an all-boy boarding school, don’t tell me you didn’t meet at some point a very cute and sexy fellow student.” 

Jude was fucking running out of air by now. How could he be wanting to kiss him _and_ to punch him at the same time? That was a fucking proof of all the things this guy was capable of making him feel. _Everything._ “Okay, fine, it was a kiss or two, but that’s really all. Now can we get back to algebra?” he insisted helplessly, already fully aware that no matter where the conversation could go by now, it’d _never_ focus on algebra again.  

Zero laughed wholeheartedly. “You wanna know a secret?” 

Jude quirked an eyebrow and nodded, his throat growing tighter.  

“I’m definitely into pretty girls”, Zero said. 

Jude snorted. “How is that a secret?” 

Zero didn’t even pay attention to him. “ _But_ sometimes, there are pretty boys too. And I wouldn’t mind kissing them.” 

Was his mind messing with him? Did Zero just confess that he was into girls _and_ boys? _Holy fucking fuck._ He was hitting on him, right? Why would he mention this otherwise? _Maybe because you fucking confessed you were gay and_ _he just needs a gay pal_ , a voice said in his mind. No. No, no, _no._ There was way too much innuendo in his words to just need a gay _pal_. Jude’s voice was weak and sounded breathless when he finally said: “Maybe they wouldn’t mind being kissed”.  

His blue eyes were of such a piercing color that it just twisted Jude from head to toe as he desperately tried to slow his heart down. He wanted to reach for his lips so _damn much_. There was suddenly a loud noise downstairs, the front door slamming, and they both startled as the whole started to turn at full speed again. They heard Lionel screamed “I’m home, honey”. Jude avoided looking at him, too embarrassed by what had been said mere seconds before. He could hear the blood pounding behind his ears.  

“I should go, I’m already late”, Zero said while standing up in an easy jump.  

Jude stood up as well, and helped him to gather his stuff, but when he handed him one of his schoolbooks, he was practically _sure_ that Zero had been purposely caressing his hand in the process. His heart was still beating way too fast when they stepped out of his room and headed downstairs, and he hoped so hard Lionel wouldn’t waltz in because he was so fucked up that she’d notice it at first sight. He heard her heels clicking on the other side of the house and he managed to breathe a little easier as they reached the front door.  

"Gotta say I'm really looking forward next session", Zero as he stepped out. And with one last cocky wink, he started to walk away.  


	3. Chapter 3

It was almost midnight when Jude’s phone buzzed on the nightstand, waking him up. He had fallen flat on his bed as soon as he had gotten home after school, barely having the strength to go through his homework. He had been excited as a kid to start in the Swim Team, even though he had been playing it cool – see? that _was_ possible, why couldn't he just do the same with Zero? But if there was one thing he had forgotten about, it was how tiring it could be at times. It took him several seconds to process what was written on the screen, instantly jolting in his bed. The text was from Zero. _Need to talk to you. Waiting front door._ Jude frowned. What the fuck? He looked around him as if the explanation was written somewhere, then he sent a short _Coming in a sec_ before standing up from his bed. He put a hoodie on the loose white tee he was wearing to sleep and found a pair of pajama pants, then proceeded to go downstairs without waking up Lionel. The last thing he needed was to seriously piss her off. He opened the front door and walked out under the porch barefoot. Zero was sitting on the steps in front of the house.

“Hey, what's going on?”, Jude said while the baller was standing up. 

When he turned back, Jude's mouth dropped open. The moon was practically full, and it was almost daylight under the silver rays. Zero’s face was swollen and bruised; his nose was bleeding – or perhaps it was just drying already – and there was a cutting on his lower lip. “Oh my God, what happened to you?” Jude couldn’t help but exclaim.

Zero turned his face away when Jude tried to reach for it, and his arms fell stupidly to each side of his body. The baller had his arms wrapped around himself and Jude couldn’t even think about anything else but how miserable he looked like. A thousand miles away from the beautiful poster boy he was usually. “Can I- Can I crash here for tonight?”, Zero said, hesitantly.

Jude’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeh, sure. Come-come in”, he stuttered before hurrying inside of the house.

Zero stepped in, his arms still wrapped around his own waist in his black zipped-up hoodie, and the grey shirt showing up from underneath was strained with blood – probably because of his bleeding nose. Jude closed the door as silently as possible.

“My stepmom”, he muttered, pointing at the upper floor. 

Luckily for them, Jude’s bedroom and two of the guestrooms were located in the left wing of the house, while the master bedroom and the last of the guestrooms were located in the right one. Zero nodded in silence and they took the direction of his bedroom. They were doing this almost every day, and yet Jude couldn’t help but notice that Zero wasn’t even remotely behaving like he owed the place – which was his usual behavior. He followed him in the bedroom and sat at the foot of the bed, while Jude was searching for a first-aid kit in his bathroom, taking off his hoodie in the process. He hadn’t moved an eyelid when he got back in the bedroom.

“If you tried to rob a bank, you can tell me, you know”, Jude said with a small smile as he sat next to him. He was about to reach for his chin and turn his face so he could help him but he remembered that Zero hadn’t wanted him to touch him when they were outside, and suddenly, he didn’t really know what to do.

“It’s okay, it happens every time I come back at the house”, Zero said bluntly, although Jude could distinctively hear a little shudder in his voice. Zero brushed some blood off his nose with his sleeve and Jude sighed. _Screw it_ , he decided. And without asking permission, he just took his chin and turned his face toward him. Zero looked surprised when Jude started to wipe off the blood with a tissue but didn’t oppose any resistance. After his face had lost all the traces of blood Jude could clean, he then applied some antiseptic on his lower lip, making Zero wince.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jude insisted, gesturing with his chin towards the arm that was still firmly wrapped around his waist.

Zero nodded. “Nothing that a couple of days won’t heal.”

Jude wanted to say something, but he realized he didn’t know what. Instead, he closed the first-aid kit and stood up from the bed to take it back to the bathroom, gathering the strained tissues with his free hand. He threw them in the trashcan and replaced the kit in the drawer before coming back in the bedroom.

Zero crossed Jude's look. “He was drunk. Again. My deadbeat of foster-father. I wasn’t at the house for days so as always, as soon as I got in, he punches the shit out of me”.

Jude felt his heart sink as he was sitting back on the bed. “I’m sorry”, he said sincerely. 

Zero shrugged and rubbed his eye. “Nah, don’t be”.

There was a silence. Jude wanted to hold him. Not because he clearly had a crush on him. But because he looked wrecked, and sad, and in pain. And he wanted to ease it all. He just wanted to give him some comfort, but he didn’t know how to do that. Jude cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know what? Just sleep here. I’m going to be in the other room”, Jude said, standing up.

“But it’s your bed”, Zero objected.

“The bed isn’t ready in the guest room. It’ll be easier if I just stay there after putting the sheets on”, Jude said with a smile.

Zero looked up at him, and damn, Jude felt his heart melt. “You could stay here. Your stepmom wouldn’t know about me if you don’t use the guestroom.”

That was a fair point. But Jude didn’t want to sound like he was taking advantage of the situation. Although just by looking at Zero, no one would ever think that they could possibly do anything that the Holy Bible wouldn’t approve of. “Well, if it’s okay for you, I mean…”

“I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t”, Zero replied softly.

Jude nodded. “Let me help you”, he said.

Zero spread one arm and Jude reached for the sleeve, helping him to take off his hoodie then his shirt. It wasn’t exactly how he had imagined the first time he would get to undress Zero, but he didn’t care much either. He was tired and sad and bruised, and he was the first one he had called. It counted for something. If Jude noticed that there were some spots of his torso slowly turning purple, especially where Zero had kept his arm wrapped the entire time, he didn’t say anything. If he was right, it was at best a bruised rib, at worst a broken one; either way, he couldn’t do anything about it. Once Zero was only wearing his pair of boxers, he helped him to lay down before reaching the other side of the bed.

“Thank you for tonight”, Zero said after Jude had switched off the light.

“That’s nothing, really. Anyone would have done the same.”

There was a short silence.

“No. Because I wouldn’t have asked”, Zero said.

Jude felt a shiver in his body as he could feel the warmth of Zero next to him. His voice was rough but it was also deep and sincere in the night. Before he could come up with an answer to that, he noticed that Zero’s breath had softened as he had fallen asleep.

*

The strong smell of chlorine almost suffocated Zero as soon as he set a foot in the swimming pool, his nose wrinkling when he walked in. The bleachers were not exactly full, but given that the Swim Team was just a bunch of elitist idiots who didn’t usually allow regular people to attend practice, the dozen of girls spread in the four corners made it look crowded. Zero groaned for himself. The girls were probably there to cheer on other members of the team. There were obviously _other_ cute guys in the team _beside Jude._ As far as he could remember, there had always been some kind of competition between ballers and swimmers. Ballers were looking forward scholarship through basketball and knew how to have fun, when the swimmers were mostly pretentious jerks involved in schools’ debate groups who were looking forward scholarship through basically everything else and liked to remain between them. Good grades were requested for every sportive activity but swimmers were clearly two steps ahead of the ballers, and never missed a shot (no pun intended) to point it out. Three members of the squad were already in the pool, while the others were scattered around. Zero was awkwardly standing on the side, hands shoved in his jeans pocket, when a dark-haired man wearing the navy swim briefs of the team came across him. Fuck. He shouldn’t have come.

“Well, well, that’s the very first time you drop by to say hello”, Lucas sarcastically greeted him, folding his arms on his bare chest.

Zero looked at him, unimpressed. "I had no reason to do so, till you took on yourself to draft one of my buddies".

Lucas smirked. "A Captain does what he's gotta do. You'd know that if you were”.

Zero clenched his fists. _Don't bother. Don't even bother_. He couldn't get in trouble once again. Certainly not with Brumells' dad working here. Someone called out for Lucas, and Zero followed his glance as he turned to look at the pool, were the three swimmers had reached the end of their four lengths and were gathering on the opposite side of the pool. Lucas gave him a condescending glance before walking away, and Zero was still bitterly eyeing his back when his eyes tripped over Jude, who had just gotten out of the pool. Lucas and him were exchanging laughs and greetings, and Zero couldn’t help but notice that after giving him a playful slap in the back, Lucas’ hand remained way longer than necessary on Jude’s shoulder as they were talking. He _really_ shouldn’t have come, he thought bitterly, and he started to walk away, when someone shouted his name. He was stopped right in his tracks, feeling a strange warmth in his stomach as he turned back to see Jude walking over him.

“What are you doing here?” he smiled, apparently genuinely happy to see him.

Zero swallowed thickly. _Holy fuck._ Jude was practically naked, standing all _wet_ and _hell_ he _really, really_ shouldn’t have come. “I… hum, I came to see how you were doing”, Zero said with a weak voice, desperately trying to keep his eyes on his face. But _God_ his smile was so damn _sweet_ and he wanted to grab his face and kiss him until they both run out of breath. He _so_ wouldn’t mind dying in the process, honestly.

“Well, the guys are cool and I kinda missed that”, Jude said with a little shrug, like it was no big deal. “Is it always so crowded?” He asked, pointing at the bleachers.

Zero snorted. “Nah, that’s your fan club.”

Jude rolled his eyes in a comic way and shook his head. “Anyway”, he said. “How come you’re not attending practice?”

“I’m benched for the week. Because of… you know”, Zero replied with a vague gesture on his side. “I get to attend anyway but they are still warming up, so”.

“You sure you’re okay?” Jude asked again, obviously worried.

Zero’s heart flickered. No one had ever seriously cared for him as he did - save Kyle. Jude was too good for him and for this world. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it though. He wasn’t used to be vulnerable in front of other people, and frankly, now that he had showed this part of himself to Jude, he was feeling completely exposed. He laughed, plastering a grin on his lips, as he always did when he wanted to avoid a subject that was making him uncomfortable.

“I’m a big boy, Kinkade”, and he didn’t know why, perhaps because he could see that Lucas was now staring at them from the other side of the pool, or perhaps it was just his habit of treating things as if they were no big deal when they clearly were, but he gave a playful slap on Jude’s naked shoulder and leaned closer to him, ignoring the shivers in his body. “Besides, your panties are way too tights to get them twisted for my pretty ass”, he added, before turning back with yet another cocky wink.

*

Jude had been waiting for the next session with Zero with apprehension; in the end, it turned out both pretty well and disastrously wrong. Pretty well, because they managed to get through school work and algebra without ending up making out along the way. Disastrously wrong, because, aside from the fact that Jude would have killed puppies to actually end up making out along the way, the situation between them was still everything _but_ clarified. If anything, they were acting as if they had been nothing more than lab partners. And certainly not like they had slept in the same bed and worst, more or less admitted that they were both turned on by each other. Once they had gotten rid of the last exercise Zero needed to practice, he stood up and gathered his stuff, already ready to go. Jude walked him to the front door, trying to hide his disappointment by making small talk about the upcoming game, when the third person in the house decided to enter the stage.

“Jude, where are your manners? I’m not letting your friend go at this hour without having dinner”, Lionel interrupted them as she waltzed out of the kitchen.

Jude felt the heat rise up his cheeks, but Zero laughed. “Nah, I have to go, thank you Mrs. Kinkade.”

But it was a proof that Zero didn’t know Lionel very well. She waved her hand, as if his opinion wasn’t relevant in the slightest. “You’re staying over, I have Nancy Reagan on my side. I ordered pizzas, they will be there in a minute.”

Jude raised an eyebrow. “You? Eating carbs?”

Lionel shrugged and tossed her black hair away as she turned back to the kitchen. “Nancy Reagan doesn’t feel like cooking tonight”.

Jude glanced at Zero. “She is…”

“… _’scary’_ is the word people use, generally”, Jude said with a chuckle.

Zero gave in and followed him to the kitchen, where Lionel was already setting the table on the large kitchen island surrounded by high kitchen stools. As they were expecting, the doorbell rang within five minutes, and Lionel headed in the main entrance to pay the delivery man while they were disposing the plates. Jude sat at the end of the island, between Lionel and Zero. As they started eating, Lionel asked Jude about his practice with the Swim Team, and rejoiced too obviously when Zero didn’t resist much before teasing him about his fan club. They shared a laugh or two, before Lionel found a way to break the light atmosphere with yet another groundbreaking statement. “What is it with your face?” she asked innocently, taking a sip from her glass of lemonade.

Jude had loved Lionel dearly ever since she had hugged him after he had badly scratched his knee ten years before, only twelve hours after getting in the house, but at this point, he wanted to _kill_ her. He looked up from his slice with a nervous glance, but was surprised to find out that Zero didn’t look upset nor embarrassed. He had a small shrug. “I wasn’t paying attention enough during practice, I took the ball right in the face”, he replied simply.

“Baller?”, Lionel asked.

“Yep”, Zero replied.

Lionel snorted. “Brings back memories. My first husband was a baller”.

“Pete Davenport”, Jude added for Zero.

Zero raised an eyebrow in his drink. “Really?”

He was about to add something when Jude kicked him in the ankle to stop him from doing so. Whatever Lionel could say, he felt like she had never been completely over Pete and he didn’t want to spend another evening talking about him. Luckily, the conversation slipped on small talks; Zero even said that the house was pretty, which lightened Lionel’s face, as she started to talk about the renovations she had been making here and there for the past couple of years.

"I should really go", Zero said after chewing his last bit of pizza.

Jude walked him to the front door.

"Well, that was fun", Zero said with a smirk.

Jude rolled his eyes. "That was embarrassing. I'm sorry. She never shuts up".

Zero had a chuckle. "That's fine, really".

He was stepping outside when Jude finally had the nerves to ask. "Are you going back to the house? With your foster father?" _I don't want you to get hurt,_ he wanted to say, but that was a step too far. He felt like Zero would just laugh at him.

Zero glanced at Jude, and he was sure there was a hint of surprise in his blue eyes. "Nah, don't worry. I'm staying away as much as I can", he said, a wry smile showing up on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why did you stop me?"

Jude wanted to hit himself, right here, right now, for even asking. His voice had gone almost pleading, sounding weak and awfully supplicant. As far as he could remember, he never felt so embarrassed at himself, and the considering look on Zero’s face wasn't helping him feeling any better. A week had passed since the dinner with Lionel, more specifically, a _week-end_. And a party. Raquel's birthday party. He was regretting so many things about this night that he wished he could make it disappear, with a snap of his fingers. He had come home way more drunk than he thought he was and had not only pissed Lionel off, but 'scared the shit out of her' as well, resulting in him being grounded for three weeks – which was fair enough, because he felt like his hangover had lasted for about one. But he could have lived with that, he could have lived with what had _happened_ if only his damn brain had been merciful enough to make him _forget_ and not just painfully remember how he _did_ _try_ to kiss Zero, just to have him push him away. He had been drinking a bit more than usual – just a tiny bit, okay maybe a _lot_ more, but Derek was in charge of the refiles, so there is that –, and when he came across Zero as he was entering the bathroom of the upper floor, he had stupidly let go of everything and just went for it. He couldn’t even remember the taste of Zero’s lips, neither if he had actually tasted them in the first place or if Zero had simply pushed him away before. All that was left of this painful memory was just embarrassment and strong feelings of rejection and shame, without even the consolation of having, somehow, managed to get something positive from it. And that was obviously without even mentioning the hangover. He had been waiting for a comment, for a joke, for a fight, for _everything_ , for almost an entire week, but nothing had come. On Monday morning, Zero had greeted him just the way he usually did, they had done small talks all together while heading for their first period in various places of the school, and that was left to that. At first he had thought that it was best for them not to ever mention it, and he had even been _grateful_ to him for not having punched him or laughed at him. But now he was just so done with this situation. It was a fucking elephant in the room, and Jude needed to do something. To ask. To _know_.

Zero took his eyes away from Jude and unfolded his legs, resting his back against the bed.

"Is that because you're still not over Sadie?" Jude asked, more defiantly than a real genuine question.

"My life doesn't revolve around a girl I dated for three months last year", Zero snapped back. There was a silence and Zero let out a heavy sigh, finally looking at him. "I just didn't want it to happen like… like that." Jude felt his stomach make a backflip. "You were drunk as hell, I didn't even know if that was you or the booze making a move", Zero said again.

Jude winced, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maybe a little bit of both", he admitted, looking at the floor.

Zero snorted. "So you wouldn't have tried if you had not been drunk?"

Jude gave it a thought for a few seconds. "Probably not." _Most definitely not_. His drunk-self was lacking any filter when it came to fantasies vs real world. The only thought of it was making him want to creep in a hole and never get out ever again. Something passed in Zero's eyes, something Jude couldn't quite pinpoint, but it made him feel like maybe, _maybe,_ that wasn't the answer he was expecting. "You wouldn't have stopped me if I had not been drunk?" He asked.

"Probably not", Zero replied.

Jude's heart was beating fast against his ribcage. "Well, I'm not drunk", he heard himself saying.

And before he had even realized, he was leaning over Zero, slowly cupping his neck with his left hand. Each passing second, he felt like Zero was going to push him away again, not being quite prepared when their lips finally met, the softness making him feel like there was a damn firework in his stomach. But even still, it didn't stop his brain from waiting for the punch to come, literally and figuratively, and only when Zero kissed him back, his body melted in reaction. Their mouths were moving in sync, and the hand of Zero reached for his shirt, gripping it to pull him even closer, until their chests were pressed again each other. The simple touch sent shivers down Jude's spine and all he could think about was that he never wanted this moment to stop, no matter if they had to die from the lack of oxygen, he couldn't care less. His thumb softly brushed Zero's cheek, and it was like his entire body was craving for this, for Zero's touch as much as for the feeling of Zero's skin under his fingertips. They were out of breath when they finally parted, but they remained in the exact same position, breathing the same air, as if they were refusing to get back to reality. Jude, for his part, definitely did, hoping that if he wasn't moving even an eyelid, then maybe this moment could last forever. After a quiet moment, where Jude’s entire world was just the ocean of Zero’s eyes, a wry smile came up to the baller’s lips.

"That would have been too bad to miss that, don’t you think?" Zero smirked.

"I don't know, I think I need to try again. Just to be sure", Jude replied.

Zero now frankly grinned. "That's just up to y-" His sentence was cut off by the lips of Jude over his, the end of the last word turning into a slightly amused moan.

*

Two months had passed since the beginning of the year, a month and a half since Jude had joined the Swim Team, over two weeks since they had first kissed, and Zero was fully aware that he wouldn’t be able to resist much longer. To whom, to what, that was the question. Since his ribs had stopped hurting like a bitch, he had started to practice again after a couple of days, but schedule conflicts prevented him from attending Jude’s training. That was perhaps for the best, though, because there was so much sight of Jude almost naked he could endure before doing something _really_ stupid and _really_ embarrassing. They had established their routine; Jude was coming to fetch him, or he was waiting for him outside, and they made their way together to the Kinkades’ where they would study together, and admittedly end up making out. As far as he could remember, Zero had never even been so far ahead in his homework as he was now. His grades had greatly benefitted from Jude’s support, and the threat of being removed from the basketball team had long disappeared, but Zero loved way too much the undivided attention he got to receive from Jude when they were only together. He loved how Jude could be all nerdy and passionate about something as dull to him as mathematics, and he sometimes kept faking ignorance just to make him explain to him all over again. Truth was, he didn’t know how he could go back to a world without Jude, and it scared the fuck out of him. He had never been so fond of someone else, so emotionally drowned to another person like he was to Jude. It had happened several times now that basket’s practice ended before the Swim Team does, leading Zero to enter the swimming pool for the last couple of minutes. He usually got sight of a very smiling Jude talking with Lucas or other people from the team, and although he was feeling a soft warmth in his heart because _Jude was so damn precious_ , he couldn’t restrain his heart from beating angrily as soon as someone else was getting too close from him. He had known for a while that Jude had no interest in girls whatsoever, but his brain had apparently not registered that, and it was getting harder and harder for Zero to contain his jealousy as it looked like every damn girl in this school had made a life mission to be the first one to get into Jude’s pants. But Zero could feel the jealousy burning him alive for every smile, every appreciative look that Jude was receiving. Just like now. They were all seating in the cafeteria during lunch time, when it started to go downhill. “Looks like Kinkade is getting lucky”, Derek smirked from the end of the table.

Everyone, including Zero, turned their head to the other side of the cafeteria, near the end of the waiting line. Jude was talking with a cheerleader, so gorgeous in his light blue shirt and his dark pair of jeans that Zero felt instantly his stupid heart melt. Terrence snorted. “Isn’t she, like, the third of your squad to hit on him since Monday?”

Kyle made a depreciating sound. Zero and her had started to talk again after she got the confirmation from a very pissed off Sadie that she was _still_ waiting for his call since Terrence's welcoming party. “Don’t tell me about it. They’ve made some sort of pact or whatever that’s called. The first to get Jude gets the vote of the others for Prom Queen.”

At the end of the table, Derek and Terrence laughed. “Seriously though, you think Prom Queen is the only reward they’re expecting to get from him?”

Zero tried his best to remain out of the conversation, focusing on everything else, he _really did try_ , but it was getting really complicated for him. Every time, his eyes kept falling on Jude, on the muscles under the fabric of his shirt, on his arms showing up from the sleeves that were rolled up. Zero’s grip tightened around his soda can, his jaws clenching second after second. All he could see was that the girl was laughing with him, all the while looking at him from under her eyelashes, and Zero didn't even thought about the irony of the situation, he really didn't. He didn't even register exactly that the girl was actually _Sadie_ , no, all he registered was that _Jude_ was the guy she was hitting on. He was thinking about the girls looking at him from the bleachers during practice, and Lucas’ hand on his shoulder, and even the damn guy he had kissed in boarding school. He could feel the blood pounding to his ears and the soda can slowly crumbling in his hand with a metallic whine, and, lost in the distance, Kyle calling his name. _Oh hell no._ Sadie was touching Jude’s arm. Kyle kept yelling his name as he jolted off his chair, striding through the cafeteria, probably rushing into one or two persons in the process.

“Do you mind?” he barked sharply to Sadie's face while obviously standing between her and Jude.

She looked at him with an offended glare, but Zero neither cared nor even paid attention. His heart was beating faster than ever, faster than during any game he had ever played, when his hands reached for Jude’s face as he was looking back at him with disbelief. His stomach shivered when he pressed his lips on Jude’s, and for a second, he was afraid that he had screwed up really badly, as Jude didn’t reply. It felt like a year, a decade, a _lifetime_ , before Jude’s initial shock dissipated, and he kissed him back. He felt his hands on his hips and _fuck_ he didn’t even know how much he needed that, not just the kiss, but Jude’s touch, Jude’s body near him. There were butterflies in his damn stomach, and shivers down his spine, and when they parted, _holy fuck,_ he felt like the sun, the _fucking sun,_ was shining in Jude’s eyes.

A dead silence had fallen over the cafeteria, but Zero refused to look back. He could feel the look of the entire school on him, as everyone was staring at them, astonished. He had just outed both of them in front of the _damn entire school_. In front of his friends. _Holy fuck,_ that was _by far_ , the stupidest, and most embarrassing thing he could have ever done, _ever_. For a second, a small, split second, he felt completely and utterly lost, and to be honest, scared as he had rarely been. But Jude reached for his hand, still resting on his cheek.

“Come with me”, he whispered, as he started to walk toward the exit of the cafeteria, firmly holding his hand.

Zero didn’t know exactly where Jude was taking him to, although on the other hand, even if he had known, he wouldn’t have been much able to process over what was happening. It was like his brain was frozen ever since their lips had met in the Cafeteria. The only real thing he could feel was Jude’s hand firmly holding his as they were striding across the school, drawing people’s look on them from time to time in the hallway. Suddenly, Jude turned on their left and opened a door before heading inside of a room. The library. They kept walking to the most secluded area, the department dedicated to foreign languages and cultures, and before Zero had realized, they were sitting flat on the ground.

“So”, Jude whispered after a moment.

“So”, Zero repeated.

He was almost afraid that Jude would yell at him or something. Instead, a smile was starting to show up on his lips, lightening his features. “What’s gotten into you?”

Zero tucked his legs against his chest, somewhat nervous all of a sudden. It was hard for him to come up with words that would reflect his state of mind without leading Jude to think about it the wrong way. “Believe it or not, but it wasn’t planned. I didn’t really know what I was doing at the moment I was doing it.”

Jude tilted his face on the side, crossing his look with a wry smile. “Was it because I’ve been hit on by almost a dozen of ruthless cheerleaders?”

Zero groaned. “You knew about that _stupid_ deal.”

Jude chuckled. “Raquel might have mentioned it. And Kyle.”

Zero rolled his eyes. He knew he had no advice to give and he was himself far from being the voice of reason, but clearly these girls needed to step down. “I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted. I kinda got… carried away”, he mumbled, his eyes falling on his knees.

There was a short silence. Then he saw Jude move from the corner of his eyes, and when he glanced at him, he saw that Jude was holding out his hand. Zero felt a soft warmth in his body when he took it and Jude intertwined their fingers. “If that’s fine for you, that’s fine for me”, Jude said, leaning his head back on the bookshelf.

Zero sighed. “How are we even supposed to go back there now”.

“Next time you plan on doing something as huge as outing me in public, do me a favor and wait until the end of last period”, Jude said dryly, and Zero gave him a look that made him chuckle.

The look of five people in the hallway, he could live with that. But his friends, his teammates, that was a whole other thing. He had not given it a thought ever since he had first kissed Jude, because that didn’t matter if it was just them. But it wasn’t just them anymore. It was everybody that had seen them kiss in the Cafeteria. It was everybody that would hear of it. He wasn’t ashamed to love Jude or to be whatever he was. He was just feeling bare and defenseless now that he knew that everybody would feel entitled to judge him and certainly not miss the opportunity to do so. Zero, the poster boy, the lady-killer, the heartbreaker of the school switching way was gold.

“We could just skip last period”, Jude said.

Zero looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Does it mean I already have a bad influence over you?”

Jude shrugged. “We’ve missed the first half anyway.”

*

When Zero arrived for practice, he was disastrously proven how right he had been to dread this fucking moment, as he spotted his friends waiting for him in what looked like an ambush. He was hoping to catch the Coach before the rest of the team arrived, and just pretend he was sick or something to get out of this place. He knew that he couldn't hide forever, and that there'd be a tomorrow eventually but right now he wasn't feeling it. But the Coach was nowhere to be seen and all the people he wasn’t willing to talk to right now were just gathered ten feet away from him. Fucking fuck, he thought bitterly. There was no way he could just walk away like that. They would just follow him and he still had a little bit of his pride left not to earn himself a reputation of coward on top of everything else. He remained obstinately a few feet away from them, close to the door if things were going bad. That was his fucking life now. “What are you doing here?”

Kyle crossed her arms on her chest. “We’ve come to talk to you. Because apparently, you’re not returning our calls.”

"I needed some space", Zero retorted, glaring at her. When he had checked his phone back in the library, he already had 12 missed called from her, but instead of calling back, he just turned it off. "Why the hell did you need to call fucking twelve times, anyway?"

“Look, you’ve been kissing girls since we were 8 and suddenly you’re all over Kinkade in the Cafeteria. You can admit that even for you it’s a bit… weird”, Derek said.

Zero scoffed. “What’s the problem? You got something to tell me, Derek?” His tone had gone cold and threatening, and his eyes were sharp as swords.

Everyone looked at each other in disbelief, including Derek. “What the hell, Z? We’re just worried cos you’ve never been saying a fucking thing before!”

“Well maybe because there was nothing to say”, Zero replied sharply.

Kyle sighed soundly. “Jeez, calm down! No one's mad at you for being gay – or bi or whatever you are –, I'm mad at you for making me worried sick and for giving me a fucking heart attack!”

Zero glanced at her without understand. “Why?" He was racking his brain over and over again, replaying what had happened in the cafeteria, but as far as he could tell, nothing justified Kyle being 'fucking worried sick'. The heart attack, he was getting it, in a way, but the worries? Kyle was looking at him with huge, angry eyes, almost chocking herself.

"We thought you'd beat the shit out of Jude like you did with Travis! Because Sadie was hitting on him and we thought you two had made up or something", Raquel explained, squeezing Kyle’s arm, perhaps to prevent her from hitting Zero.

"What? I don't care about Sadie! I told you that!", Zero exclaimed, turning to Kyle.

Jelena snorted. "Sure you don't."

Zero gave her a look.

“Yes, you told me that, but you also did _last year_!” Kyle yelled at him, her hands falling on her hips. "We were talking, then we saw Jude, then we saw that _Sadie_ was hitting on him, and next minute you're like on the fucking pace of war right on _Jude."_

_Oh_. He hadn't seen it that way. Kyle was the first one to eventually step ahead in his direction. “I’m _super_ jealous, just so you know”, she said with plain frustration.

Zero looked up with a puzzled face. “Why the fuck would you be?”

“Come on! I’ve been friend with you for a decade! And I used to be friend with Jude, and since he came back I thought we were close again. _I thought something like this would come up_ ”, she yelled, hammering his forehead with the palm of her hand until he backed off.

"I didn't say anything because I barely figured it myself”, he finally said with a frown.

“Well I hope you did now”, Raquel sneered.

The others had started to move closer as well. “Honestly though, I guess you could have done worst that Kinkade”, Derek smirked. Zero felt a strange warmth in his chest and barely restrained a goofy smile from ruining his character.

“Yeh, dude. Who cares if you play for the other team”, Terrence added, his arm around Jelena’s neck.

Zero snorted and shook his head. “I’m not playing for the other team. If anything, I’m just team Jude”.

Jelena snorted and tossed her hair behind her shoulder. “Really? I can’t believe we didn’t notice how _sappy_ you are before.”

Kyle gave her a nudge. “Come on, let him be happy and all in love.”

Zero groaned and hissed some punchline, but deep down, he was so freaking relieved that he was having a hard time not calling Jude right away.

*

What Zero did not know was that Jude was _slightly_ less lucky than him. If most of his teammates didn’t even bother making comments front, Jude was fully aware that they were talking about him when he entered the locker room, since all the conversations died down. Kev, Simon and Chase just finished to undress in silence before heading outside. In a way, Jude didn't care. If it was the silence treatment, then so be it. But that wasn’t Lucas’ case. As soon as he entered the locker room, the team Captain dropped himself on the bench behind him.

“I never pictured you as one of those”, Lucas said with a smirk.

Jude turned back after taking off his shirt, his eyes narrowing. “One of those _what_?”, he bit back coldly, his hands resting on his hips.

“Those who have a thing for bad boys”, Lucas simply replied.

He couldn’t say he was expecting such a comment. He had prepared himself to all kind of comments, but not this one. “He’s not a bad boy”, he retorted.

Lucas snorted. “Tell that to Travis”. He stood up and Jude was seriously starting to wonder about the point of this little chat for a second.

“Whatever happened before I got here doesn’t concern me. I’m minding my own business, and so should you”, Jude replied.

Lucas shrugged, then grinned. “Maybe I am”.

There was something in Lucas’ way of looking at him that made Jude realize what it was truly about. “Are you seriously hitting on me right now?”, he asked, more pissed than surprised. Perhaps he had always known that Lucas was eyeing him like he was a fucking buffet, but he was too twisted over Zero to really pay attention. If anything, he would just have brushed it off.

Lucas laughed. “What if I am?”

Jude shook his head, folding his arms. At some point, Lucas had stepped closer from him, which was making the height difference between them even more significant. "And what if I'm not interested?"

"Maybe you should think it through. Zero's not your type, if he's ever gonna be any guy's."

Jude had a bitter laugh. “I know you’re doing that just to piss him off. Be grateful I don’t want him to get in trouble for making you taste his fists.”

Lucas snorted. “You’re right, anger issues are not really appealing for a scholarship”.

Jude felt the blood pounding to his ears, and before he had even given it a thought, his hand was just crashing on Lucas' chest, his back hitting the lockers with a metallic sound. “Is that fucking funny to you?” Jude growled, his features sharpening.

Lucas had the fucking nerves to scoff. “What, you’re upset cos I’m telling the fucking truth? You think NBA will ever give a chance to a damn gay player addicted to drama with anger issues?”

"What the hell is happening here?", a voice shouted before Jude couldn't even reply. They both looked at Coach Ledermann, who was standing in the doorframe of the locker room.

Jude's hand fell off Lucas' chest and he withdrew from his personal space as the Coach stepped in the room. "Get your ass in the pool, Brumells. Kinkade, you better not make me wait more than two minutes to get yours out of your pants or I'm throwing you in the water with them."

"Yes, Coach", Lucas mumbled. He found back some composure before heading out of the locker room under the glare of Coach Ledermann.

Jude started to unbuckle his pants as the Coach left the room, then bitterly shoved them in his locker. That was just fucking day one.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days had passed since their very public coming-out. There had been looks, there had been words. There still were. There were people not being as supportive as they should be, rumors that shouldn’t be going. But in the end, Jude didn't want to change anything even given the chance. Two days after the Cafeteria-kiss, the school was still buzzing about it and the rumor soon spread that Zero had gone gay because Sadie had just refused to make up with him. The stupidity of the said rumor made it lose every bit of importance, and neither Zero nor Jude even bothered getting upset about it. On Wednesday night, Lionel had announced Jude that she would leave for a few days to met with his father in Dubai. Jude was about to ask why the hell she needed to go to the other side of the world to meet him when he wasn’t even bothering coming home to sleep half the week when he was in town, but he didn’t want to hurt Lionel’s feelings – assuming she was blindfolded about the matter, which she was obviously not –, so he kept chewing on his food and politely nodded, even managing to look excited for her. After all, that was still Dubai.

When Jude’s back met with the carpet on the floor of his bedroom, the following Tuesday afternoon, he finally parted from Zero’s lips, after not less than three attempts, each of them resulting in Jude melting more and more into the kiss. He raised a hand between them, but it felt more like a caress across Zero’s _oh-so-perfect_ torso. “Maybe we could move on the bed, don’t you think?”

Jude had no idea how many time they had spent like that, books and shirts pooled around them, but he assumed it’d been quite a long time since they had stopped talking about anything related to school work – or to talk at all, in fact. Zero slowly came back to the reality of the moment. He studied him for a second, his blue eyes falling on his lips, and Jude felt like he was caressing his face without even actually touching it. “If we go up there, we will not be just making out”, he eventually stated.

Jude’s heartbeat raced even faster, his hand still resting on Zero’s chest, while the baller’s right hand was on Jude’s side. “Maybe I don’t want to just make out”. He was somewhat pleased by the hint of defiance that his voice had managed to produce, instead of a stupid and embarrassing pant. He wanted to reassure Zero that it was fine. That whatever happened, or might happen someday, it wouldn’t be because he had forced him at some point.

But where he was expecting a grin from Zero, the baller surprised him by a very serious look. “You’ve got no idea how much you’re just making me crazy”, he said, his voice low and somewhat rough. Jude slowly ran his hand up his chest, cupping his neck. “I think it’s just the right way to show me then”, he whispered. He lifted himself up to seat on the floor, reaching for two more kisses as Zero was leaning back.

They never actually parted until they reached the bed. After laying down, Jude ran his hands down Zero’s back, before letting them follow the line of his hips. He was feeling slightly dizzy from all the kissing, and probably the lack of oxygen since they were taking very few breaks to breathe in the end. Emboldened by the atmosphere, his heart pounding in his chest, and Zero’s hands roaming his body, he reached for the baller’s slacks and started to unbuckle them. A soft moan escaped from his throat as Zero’s lips slowly left his mouth for his jawline, then his neck, leaving soft trails of kisses behind, but the moment he felt his body shiver was when Zero reached for his pants as well.

From then on, it was just a maelstrom of emotions his brain was unable to process over. That wasn’t just sex, but love at its purest. Jude felt like his skin was set on fire whenever he got to feel Zero’s fingertips, his body reacting to every single one of his touches and ministrations, begging, craving for more. And before he even knew he had gone from receiving to giving, not quite realizing how intoxicated he was from the simple thought of making Zero shiver and lose himself as much as he did. Their bodies were moving in such a perfect synchronization, were fitting so perfectly, that it was a mystery they had lived apart for so long. When it all stopped, when the waves of pleasure started to recede, and that it was just Zero’s skin warm and sweaty against his, Jude felt like he could die right now, and still find that he had seen the best part of life. Zero had nestled his face in the crouch of his neck, and Jude tightened the embrace. The baller’s hands were wandering on his lower back, just above the sheets, while Jude’s fingers were running through his blond strands of hair. He had a wry smile.

“The Zero I left ten years ago was dirty blond. What the hell happened to him?”, he asked.

“It’s a story that will be worth millions of dollars someday. I’m not sure about giving it away like that”, Zero said, his lips smirking against the skin of Jude’s neck.

Jude laughed, and with a twist of his hips, managed to get on top of Zero without much difficulty. “Oh really?”, he said.

“You’re hot from up there”, Zero said with a smug face, starting to run his hands down his chest. But Jude was having none of that, his hands wrapping around Zero’s wrists and pining them above his head. “Looks like you’re feeling a little Grey today, huh?”, Zero teased him, his grin widening.

“I’m not letting you go or taking care of whatever is hardening right now until you spilled it”, Jude replied, feeling daring. Who would have thought that he would eventually find back his balls after actually getting Zero?

Said baller laughed. “Fine. But it involves Kyle, so whatever is getting hard right now might soften really fast. You’re gonna punish yourself.”

Jude smirked. “I think we will find a way to take care of that later. So?”

Zero wiggled under him, trying to get away from Jude’s death grip, then made a face. “You’re really tough in business, you know that? Anyway. We were 10 and we started telling people we were twins separated at birth. That was making them freak out, it was fun. We looked a lot like each other back then, but Kyle said ‘we don’t have the same hair color’, so she stole some of her mom’s dying products and she spent an afternoon trying to get my hair the same color as her. ‘was a mess though, she put way too much of that shit, my hair had gone almost white but after a few days it had started to slowly get closer to her color. By the time people actually found out it was bullshit, I had grown used to it.”

The smile on Zero’s face was almost one of his trade-mark smirks, except that there was a hint of softness, almost fondness in his eyes, and Jude, for his part, couldn’t restrain a beam.

He eventually faked an offended look. “Don’t tell me it’s still Kyle who dyes your hair, I might get really jealous”.

Zero looked at him with mischief in his eyes. “ _That_ is a secret I’m keeping”. And before Jude could realize, Zero wrists had escaped from his grip and the baller had found back the advantage, switching their positions in a split second. “Now, what do I need to do to take care of this jealousy?”

*

Jude turned his head on the side, only to see that Raquel’s lips were moving. He leaned closer. “What?”

“You’re devouring him with your eyes”, she said louder in his ear to cover the cheers of the crowd around them.

“I’m not!”, Jude retorted, following Zero who had just received the ball and was scoring after a very impressive – and he was totally objective here, of course – turnaround jumper.

“You kidding me?”

Jude laughed and gave her a nudge from his shoulder, taking his eyes back on the court where his boyfriend was doing wonders. He knew she was probably _right,_ but he still had some dignity left.

Game nights were just him and Raquel. Jude wouldn’t say that he re-accommodated himself to have her near, because in the course of the ten last years, they had changed way too much to even be the same persons they used to be back in the days where they were actually friends. But the seventeen-year-old classmate he had learned to know was for sure a sweet and intelligent girl, who ambitioned to become a surgeon, like her mother – and improving her grades to their maximum level was the reason why she had quit cheerleading, as she had explained to him once. Zero had told him that he was lucky to be gay, because if he hadn’t been a hundred percent on men, he would have never let him hang out with a girl with whom he had made out a couple of weeks ago, and a pretty one with that. Without much surprise, the game ended with a win for their Devils, and while the crowd was leaving the bleachers and the players and cheerleaders were changing, they slowly headed out of the almost empty gymnasium, stepping in the night on the parking lot.

“How are things going with the team?”, Raquel asked. She had found out a few days ago about the state of his relationship with Lucas, while talking to one of the girls of the swim team who happened to be her lab partner. Raquel had been patiently waiting to have Jude alone with her to ask, and he eventually told her about the encounter in the locker room the day he and Zero had outed themselves in the Cafeteria. Jude was worried that Kyle would, purposely or not, break it to Zero if she ever found out about it, so Raquel had promised not to say anything to anyone, but had not missed an opportunity ever since to make her views clear on the matter, bitterly eyeing Lucas whenever he was around.

Jude shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Ledermann keeps yelling at us for the lack of communication, but I'm not gonna kiss Lucas' ass after what he said. If he wants to fire me, then I can roll with it."

"They can't fire you. You're the fastest for the two hundred, without you they can't even put up a decent medley relay", Raquel snorted.

Their friends started to emerge from the gymnasium just a moment later. Jude and Zero were not particularly all over each other in public, mostly because they still had a little hold on themselves, but also because they didn't particularly enjoy making others uncomfortable either. Though all in all, after only a day or two, the 'gang' had already started to get used to them being a thing, and it was often when adrenaline was flowing back that Zero was finding himself seeking Jude's touch. As Jelena and Terrence and Ahsha and Derek were joining them, Zero wrapped his arm around Jude and planted a peck in his neck, before Jude reached for a proper kiss. The others were starting to make plans for the party that was supposed to take place at Jelena's to celebrate the win.

"I'm not drinking", Jude said, which made Zero laugh. He had enough trouble with the last couple of nights he had spent drinking with his friends and he rather wanted to avoid getting himself into anything. 

"You know, we can do plenty of other things at a party", he grinned, his arm still wrapped around him. A small chill was running through his blond hair, and his cheeks were still a little flushed from the game.

"Like what?", Jude innocently replied.

Zero pulled him closer. "Givin' you a hint: even the kitchen at Jelena's has a lock."

*

Dinner with Oscar Kinkade pretty much always resulted in him deciding about the subject of each conversation and moderating the freedom of speech around the table. Lionel and him had come back on Saturday morning, and spent the rest of the day sleeping to ease the jet lag. Oscar had barely given Jude a pat on the shoulder before declaring he needed to catch up on some decent sleep, which was about the opposite of Lionel’s effusion. Neither of them said a word about Oscar’s behavior, and Lionel proceeded to ask her stepson what had been going on during the last few days before going upstairs. Obviously, he didn’t tell her what had _truly_ happened. He didn’t know how he would manage to hide this relationship from her, but he was a hundred percent sure that Oscar would disown him if he ever found out. After sleeping for about twelve hours, at least for Lionel, Jude was told that they would share a family dinner. And now he was looking down on his plate. His father was sitting at the end of the table, Lionel on his right, Jude on his left, and beside him, _Zero_.

They had just walked out of his bedroom, where they were hanging out under the cover of tutoring, when Lionel had decided that Zero would stay over for dinner as well, to Jude’s horror. It was by far is worst nightmare becoming reality.

“What do you plan on doing after high school?”, Oscar asked Zero at some point, after Lionel had introduced him as Jude’s childhood friend.

“I’m looking forward a scholarship in basketball, sir”, Zero replied.

“Are you really that good?”

Zero had a wild grin. “I know my worth.”

Oddly enough, it drew an appreciative nod from Oscar. “It’s important, indeed. What do your parents think about it?”

“My _parents_ are simple people. They do not share any interests with me and I’m not expecting anything from them. I like to think I could become a self-made man”, Zero said evenly.

"And don't you think such a silly nickname would make it any more difficult for you to achieve it?"

The baller shrugged calmly. "Some people need to be reminded how big Zero can be."

Jude felt his heartbeat race as he could sense, behind the perfectly steady tone of Zero, the maelstrom of emotions swirling underneath. “Jude, I heard you made it in the Swim Team? That’s too bad it’s far behind in the ranking, compared to your former school”, his dad said with his usual rough tone.

“We are several new members. Coach Ledermann is clearly willing to put up a new team to match his ambitions”, Jude replied without paying attention to his father’s annoyance.

“At least, be the best of them, if that’s not too much to ask”, Oscar replied, taking a sip from his drink. “You’re already sabotaging your school records with that disastrous second class institute, if you’re not even the best, I don’t see the point of it all. Ivy League won’t even consider you eligible for their interviews.”

Jude swallowed thickly and his eyes fell on his plate, tightening the grip on his fork. He didn’t know how he always managed to make him feel worthless, but here they were. He knew there was nothing to reply to that, because his dad was _always_ right. He would _always_ find a way to prove him his lack of skills, his lack of intelligence, his lack of ambition. He would always find a way to undermine whatever the hell he could be doing to please him. As far as he could remember, his good grades and good behavior had never been anything but taken for granted. Failure wasn’t an option, and he had spent his whole life with the awful, disastrous feeling that he was walking on a string over a precipice. One wrong step and he would fall. Jude hadn’t replied anything. Because he was never replying anything to his father’s spades. Once again his behavior was taken for granted, and Oscar had resumed a conversation with Lionel as if nothing else mattered.

Suddenly, he felt the hand of Zero reaching for his knee under the table. His heart flipping, he analyzed the situation, too scared to move, too scared that someone, _his father_ , would notice it. But he was looking at Lionel, and even Zero’s gaze was focused on his plate. Only then, Jude slowly pressed Zero’s hand back. The rest of the dinner was spent in silence for Jude and Zero, and in a conversation about some pension funds and stock options for Lionel and Oscar. Halfway through dessert, Oscar received a call and left the table, dropping his napkin as he was exiting the room to take the communication.

Zero stood up as well, clearing his throat. “I need to go too.”

Jude followed him and walked him to the entrance.

“I see you tomorrow”, Zero said, restraining his movements as he was stepping out. Jude nodded. He seemed to be about to say something else but stopped himself and left.

Jude retreated to the dinner room, where the atmosphere had instantly lightened with Oscar’s departure, and he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He started to gather the plates in silence with his stepmom, and followed her with the empty dishes to the kitchen.

“Can I ask you something?” Lionel asked after a moment.

“Sure”, Jude replied.

“Is there a rule that I don’t know yet about in the Bro Code that requires Zero’s hand on your lap during half of dinner?”

Jude almost dropped the plates he was holding on the kitchen island, scattering several pieces of cutlery on the ground. “I-I don’t…”

Lionel was looking at him with a considering glance, her head tilted on the side. “He’s not just your childhood friend, is he?” Her tone was even and he felt like she was genuinely waiting for an answer.

Jude was having a hard time breathing, as he eventually put the plates down on the kitchen island. “Don’t… Don’t tell dad”.

His voice was weak and supplicant. He didn’t want to lie to Lionel. She had always been the greatest parent he had, and she was much more discerning that most people – that disastrous situation was only proving that point. But on the other hand he didn’t want her to lie _for him_. That wasn’t her place to deal with that. She sighed and rested her hands on her hips. “I wish you had told me, at least.”

He bit his bottom lip. “I didn’t really figure anything until… until _Zero_. I just figured I wasn’t much attracted to girls, but…” The end of the sentence died in his throat. He lifted his gaze on her. “Please, don’t tell dad”, he pleaded again.

Lionel rolled her eyes. “I won’t, don’t freak out.”

“Are you mad at me?”, he asked after a short silence, sincerely worried.

She raised her perfect eyebrow. “Why the hell would I be mad? It’s not about me, Jude. It’s about you. Nothing changes for me, as far as I’m concerned. Except for my ‘safe sex speech’ that now needs to be updated”.

Jude winced, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Don’t force me to ask”, she said, folding her arms with an accusing look.

He felt the heat rising to his cheeks. “Please, don’t force me to answer”.

*

Watching Zero getting himself busy on a car and slowly covering himself with oil minute after minute was giving Jude massive Grease vibes, and he couldn't help the stupid look of fondness on his face. Luckily Zero was too busy to pay attention.

"Maybe that's not that bad if she's taking it well", he said from the front of the car, where he was carefully looking at God knew what in the engine.

Jude had recounted him the conversation with Lionel from the night before. It seemed that his stepmother was still a little upset, but for never telling her beforehand rather than for him being gay. All in all, as Zero pointed out, she was taking it well. She had even told him in the morning, since they were alone just like most of the time, that at least he had the decency to fall for the school's pretty boy, because she would have tolerated no less – and Jude wasn't sure she was kidding.

"At least now I don't have to stop whenever I want to kiss you in your own house when it's just her", he said from under the hood.

Jude snorted. "You sure about that? Because she told right away that there was no way she'd let us work together with a closed door ever again. She could totally force us to work in the living room as if we were 8 all over again as I know her".

There was a chuckle from the front of the car. "You said she was cool".

Jude shoved his hands in his pockets, crossing his ankles as he was leaning against the workbench behind him. "She is, but in a very mommy way."

"Still cooler than your dad", Zero pointed out dryly. The dinner of the night before had given a tiny overview of the man to his boyfriend, but that was already enough for him to make his mind.

"Everybody is cooler than my dad. Even Hannibal Lecter."

Zero was fixing something that definitely had a meaning to him and Jude let him focus on his task. He had an understanding in many various fields, but mechanics were far beyond his competence. Hanging out in the garage during week-ends was starting to be a part of their routine, and Jude had found out that Zero wasn't just working to pay off, in part, basketball summer camp, but that he was finding some kind of genuine interest in his task. At least since Zero's hands were busy with something else than his boyfriend's body, they could have proper talks, like when he told him how he had been under Doc Hudson’s, his boss, feet for quite some time now.

"I don’t know, I was maybe 9 the first time I got here. It was raining, I was playing ball on the court down the street and I just entered and started to piss him off about some kind of car brand or some shit", Zero told him.

Then he proceeded to recount him how he had started to come more and more often, learning stuff from here and there until he was able to figure how to fix a car by himself. His boss was a nice man in his fifties that Jude had seen only once or twice, but he wasn’t shy about shutting Zero's mouth and Jude was guessing that was what his boyfriend liked. Murdock ‘Doc’ Hudson had been married three times and divorced twice, had an only daughter born from his second marriage living in Hawaii, and in the course of his complicated family life, he had converted a mezzanine above the garage into an emergency shelter where he'd crash when his wives were getting on his nerves – or mostly the other way around. But since his third marriage, he looked finally settled, according to Zero, and Doc had given him the permission to crash on the mezzanine when he wasn’t feeling like going home.

“I can’t wait to finally get out of that fucking system”, Zero groaned.

“Your eighteenth birthday will come soon”, Jude said with an encouraging smile, losing his gaze around.

“Not really, I still have thirteenth months to go through”, he mumbled from under the hood.

Jude frowned and started doing the math. “Wait, you’re sixteen?”, he said, leaving the workbench to bypass the car and step closer from his boyfriend.

Zero had a laugh and looked up at him. “You’re still not over 21, technically we’re not breaking the law, relax”. 

“It’s not about that. You’ve never even told me when was your birthday”, Jude pointed out, trying not to sound too annoying and complaining.

Zero shrugged as he was still focused on the engine. “29th December. You’re talking to the damn baby boy of the squad. Kyle and Terrence are almost a year older than me and they feel like it’s their mission in life to get worried for my ass or something.”

Jude snorted. “Too bad your ass is no longer their but my business.”

Zero quirked an eyebrow, looking at him defiantly. “It’s annoying, isn’t it? When your boyfriend is _sooo_ focused on something that isn’t you.” Jude gave him a slap on his bicep. “Shut up, kiddo.” Zero chuckled and shook his head.

“Thirteenth months, that means you’ll still be officially in the system when you’re in college”, Jude said after a silence where it was just Zero working.

“If I have to punch them both until they sign the damn papers to send me off, trust me I will”, he replied. Jude wasn’t sure whether he liked this idea or not, because if anything it’d be a more than deserved reward for all those good years spent in the house of Leo and Carla. On the other hand, if Zero ever crossed the line, he wouldn’t be sent off to college, but to jail, and Jude wasn't convinced orange would look as good on him as his red jersey.

“What if we don’t land on the same coast?” Jude eventually asked, his eyes lost in the distance. He didn’t want to face a world where he and Zero would be yet another couple torn apart because of some long-distance relationship. It was never bringing any good to anyone. But as far as he was concerned, his father wouldn’t accept any less than Ivy League, and he was already picky on the ones among them that were truly worth the shot. Princeton would most likely be his destination for next year. Not that he was complaining. Hell, he _was_ complaining. Perhaps some parents knew better for their kids than they usually do when they were 17, but Oscar didn’t know a fucking thing about him, to the point where he was unable to recall even his birthday if Lionel wasn’t giving him a head up the day before. How could someone like him could get a hold on his future?

Zero sighed and put back the wrench he was working with, wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Jude, I already told you… There’s no need to start worrying about that now.” After his hands had recovered a bit of their original skin color, he came closer to Jude. “We still got plenty of time to come up with a plan. And a plan B. And a plan C. And a plan D. And a plan E…” As he was coming up with all the other letters of the alphabet, Jude eventually smiled and pulled him closer. He couldn’t find himself blue when Zero was in a teasing mood.

“It’s gonna be fine”, Zero assured, planting a kiss on Jude’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the first time i'm actually trying to write *smut*, it might not be really convincing in the end but anyway, i felt like i couldn't just skip it completly because it's important for the shifting of their relationship imo. Let's just say that i tried!


	6. Chapter 6

The next couple of weeks went pretty smoothly given the eventful beginning of the year – or at least what Jude assumed was _eventful_. The school had finally dealt with them and people were leaving them in peace. Even if the other guys from the swim team had eventually started to talk to Jude again quite easily, he was still ignoring Lucas and his various attempts at conversation. Truth was, he didn't even know if he was genuinely trying to make things right with him, but Jude doubted that since most of his attempts were when the two of them were under the eye of Coach Ledermann.

A large smile showed up on Jude's face when he spotted his stepmother standing next to the bus that had driven the Swim Team to Santa Clarita a few hours ago for one of their away competitions. Jude had found himself talking to Isa, Raquel's lab partner, during the first part of the trip. The competition had gone well, given that the year was still young and that they had – he had – just started to get used to the new dynamics of the team. His times were still clearly not world beaters, but he had not disappointed with the hundred and two hundred freestyle. His hair was still damp when he walked towards Lionel with his duffle bag thrown on one shoulder.

"I didn't know you were coming", he said when she gave him a kiss. He hadn’t seen her inside, but he wasn’t expecting her either.

"Ah, you know, it's not that far,” she replied, waving her hand.

"Kinkade!" Coach Ledermann shouted, standing at the entrance of the bus. The other members of the Squad had already settled inside, with various degrees of good mood depending of the times and the performances. Lucas, for example, was pissed, and that was enough to make Jude’s day.

"You could come home with me," Lionel said, pointing at her car, when Jude was about to tell the Coach he was coming.

He wasn't much in the mood to ‘celebrate’ with the Swim Squad, although he should definitely pay more attention to socializing with them in the future. He was just about to accept Lionel's proposition when something in her look made him slightly uncomfortable. He simply nodded and took a second to tell the Coach, before heading to the Porsche where Lionel was already sitting behind the steering wheel.

"Is everything okay?" Jude eventually asked. They had left the parking lot over five minutes ago and Lionel had barely said two words, which was clearly _not_ her usual behavior. He wondered if it had anything to do with the glimpse of fake-joy he was sure he had perceived when she had called him from Dubai, but he didn’t know exactly how he should bring that up without sounding either intrusive or vaguely careless.

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel for a little while, then proceeded to overtake the car ahead of them. "Not exactly. Look, I need to tell you something but I don't want you to freak out, okay?" Lionel said, giving him a look.

Jude's eyes narrowed. "What the fuck is going on?" he insisted, frankly uncomfortable. He remembered a study he had read once where scientists and sociologists had established that having a difficult conversation in a car was a better way to deal with, well, stuff and consequences, but right now, Jude just wanted the damn car to _stop_.

"Something came up with Zero. He had to be taken to the hospital,” Lionel eventually said.

Jude literally jumped on his seat. " _What?_ What the hell? Is it serious? Is he okay?" He wasn't worried about missed phone calls from him since Doc had called him as back-up to help him fix some carb-thing on a car at the garage. What could have possibly happened there?

"Jude, honey, it’s alright. He's fine, it's a minor injury, the wound wasn't-"

_Injury? Wound?_ "What. The. Hell. Happened", Jude hammered furiously. He was literally on the edge of his seat, turned toward Lionel, his right hand on the dashboard.

"It's... It's a bit unclear. Kyle told me that he came back to Leo and Carla’s house for some reason and that it escaladed, and at some point some sharp object was involved", Lionel explained.

"He was _stabbed_?", Jude exclaimed, now frankly about to throw up. Before Lionel could answer, another question quickly followed. "Wait, how the hell did _Kyle_ find out that my boyfriend was fucking _stabbed_ before I did?!"

"She said she knows one of the girls in the house and she called her, and then she came to our place to tell you since you were not answering and she had forgotten about the competition. I don't understand anything, who the hell are Leo and Carla?", Lionel asked, obviously frustrated.

Jude's mouth felt dry and he ran a hand through his still damped hair, trying to catch a more even heartbeat. "Zero's foster parents. Two fucking assholes", he blurted with disgust. Jude took his phone out of his duffle bag and turned it on. The missed phone calls from Kyle started to appear, making his heartbeat race yet again faster.

Another round of questions soon spilled out of Jude’s mouth. “Is he alright? What did that bastard do to him? Where’s the wound?”

He was nervously fidgeting in his seat when Lionel reached for his knee. "Jude, I told you not to freak out, I know it's easy to say but I promise you he's okay. It’s somewhere on the abdomen but Kyle told me he had been conscious the whole time and he wasn’t in need of any kind of surgery".

Jude felt the anger and the bitterness claw their way inside of his heart, and he furiously hit the back of his head against the headrest. He should never have let him go back to that house. _He shouldn't have_. What if it hadn't been a fucking minor injury? Jude had to take a deep breath to try to ease the nausea that simple thought was making him feel. It was the last time Zero was stepping in that house _. The fucking last time._

"So just so I can prepare myself, will I always find out about your boyfriend and everything related to him by accident?" Lionel asked dryly.

"It never came up", Jude simply mumbled. Thing was, Jude loved Zero. He truly _did_. But he wanted Lionel to like him too, and he wasn't sure she'd be thrilled to find out that he wasn't so much of a poster boy outside of school. He wasn't ashamed of Zero because he firmly believed that his boyfriend deserved the whole world and that the load of crap that had happened to him in his life wasn't the right thing to focus on. The fact that he _did_ _go through_ all that crap was by far what Jude considered Zero's greatest accomplishment. But to explain that to Lionel was a whole other thing.

"The face thing, from last time. It wasn't a basketball, was it?"

Jude shook his head. He kept looking at his phone every few seconds, without really knowing what he was expecting from it. Lionel told him she had assumed it would be best if he was hearing about the news when they were together rather than on the bus on the way back, surrounded by people. Jude hummed in response. He wasn't sure he could have restrained himself if Lucas had even dared to make even the tiniest comment on the subject.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you", Jude muttered a few minutes later.

Lionel snorted. "You yelled at me. I yelled at Kyle, she yelled at that girl Michelle, and I'm pretty sure she told me Zero was yelling at people as well. Everybody yelled at everyone. That's fine."

Jude pressed his lips together. "So he was... alright?"

"He was. He _is_. Just be patient, we will be there in half an hour."

*

“Are you sure you’re okay?”, Jude asked for the seventieth time since he had arrived – and without even counting the three hundred of the two days prior.

“Jude, I told you. _I’m fine_. If anything, I’m pretty sure everybody overreacted.”

Jude wasn’t convinced and gave Zero a look. His injury wasn’t bad, much less life-threatening, even though Jude had been trying for the past two days to convince Zero it wasn’t overreacting when someone was actually _stabbed_ , no matter if in the end it had turned out to be a minor injury. Since there had been no internal damage or bleeding, he had received a treatment without full anesthesia, a couple of stitches and several doses of painkillers, before being discharged in the afternoon, after 24h in observation. Lionel had decided that Zero would spend several days at the Kinkades’, shooting them a look while emphasizing ‘ _in the guest room’_ , which made Zero laugh and Jude blush from embarrassment.

"So, she knows about _everything_?” Zero had teased him.

"I might have yelled at her to deal with it once", Jude mumbled, feeling guilty. He was still wondering if he would ever be able to deal with pressure when it was about Zero – that answer being most likely _no._

Jude sighed, sitting by the bedside in the guestroom. At least Lionel had conceded that he could use the one next to Jude’s, but had told Jude right away that it wasn’t worth it to pretend it was just to check on him and make sure he was okay. “You have no idea how many heartbeats I skipped when Lionel told me what happened.”

Zero gave him a playful punch in the shoulder. “Hey, stop thinking about that. And don’t you dare treat me like I’m damn fragile.”

Jude snorted, “If that’s your way of asking for sex, sorry but no is no. Stabbing wounds aren’t a turn on, at least not one of mine.”

Zero laughed. “You’re such a tight-ass, Jude”.

Jude rolled his eyes and stood up. “Yeah but you like that”, he said while leaving the bedroom.  Zero’s chuckle followed him into the corridor and warmed his heart. He had regained his smile when he entered the kitchen, where Lionel was on the phone. She looked tense, frowning while humming in response to the other person on the line. Jude made his way to the fridge, and retrieved a bottle of water as Lionel was hanging up.

“What's wrong?” Jude asked after a moment.

She was standing at the end of the kitchen island, where she had put her phone back, her left hand resting on her hip. She was irritated, he could tell that even from the back. “You know that the hospital had reported what happened?” Jude nodded.

Someone from the police even came to take Zero’s deposition and that’s mostly how Jude had learned about the exact circumstances, since his boyfriend had been unusually silent about it from the beginning. “Well, Social workers have finally found out about the mess that is the damn house where your boyfriend is supposed to have been living for the past twelve years”, Lionel said again.

Jude frowned, connecting the dots. “What are the chances it will be shut down?”

Lionel scoffed. “What his foster father did could be enough to send him in jail. So I’d go with a very careful 99.99%”.

Zero got back to school on the following Monday, only to be warned by Jelena that the whole school had already heard about what had happened to him. One of the nurses from the hospital was the mother of Cheryl Calder, who was in Jelena's French class, and who had taken upon herself to spread around the _incredible story_ of Zero's _unbelievable_ weekend. Or at least, _pieces of_ what had happened, which made the story even more fit to become the new gossip. Ahsha told Jude she had even heard people saying that Jude and Zero had actually fought together, which made Jude roll his eyes.

"Can you believe we've become a couple people have fantasies about?" he hissed during lunch time, pissed off by the look of people around them in the Cafeteria.

Zero, who was sitting beside him, turned toward his boyfriend, resting his arm on the back of Jude's seat. "I can totally understand since I have my own fantasies about you", he grinned.

Jude shot him a look that made him laugh, before he stole some fries from Jude's plate. Zero's eating habits were still a mystery to his boyfriend. He was literally never eating, at least never in a conventional way. When he had asked about it, Zero had just shrugged. "I don't like to eat. I don't like most stuff to be honest. You know those people who need very little sleep? Well that's the same with food."

"Usually it's not really your style to deal with stuff calmly", Jude pointed out dryly.

"Well maybe I'm starting to take a little after you", Zero replied, still leaning close to him.

"Or I'm starting to take a lot after _you_ and that reduces the distance”, Jude groaned.

"Is kissing you the only way to shut this pretty mouth of yours?" Zero smirked. Jude shrugged. "How was practice this morning?" the baller asked. It was a morning practice week for the boys, which meant that Jude was always waking up damn early. Of course, he wasn't actually _supposed_ to be sleeping with Jude, but he assumed it would just be a waste not to take at least a little advantage of the situation. After all he got stabbed, he could sleep with his boyfriend for a few days, no? Besides, there was very little sex. Or at least, not as much as Zero would want it to be. The nights had a very limited amount of hours and it  wasn’t like either of them could purposely enjoy a late morning in bed.

"We started to practice for the relay medley. Ledermann thinks it's the key to improve the rankings all at once", Jude replied with his eyes on his plate, clearly not convinced. "And of course it's got to be on a fucking morning week. Honestly I'm just tired beyond repair".

"Poor thing", Zero said, tousling his brown hair.

*

"Does Zero enjoy his new bedroom?" Lionel asked pensively the following afternoon, shortly after Jude had gotten back and was starting to raid the fridge.

"Hum, I think so. Why?" he replied.

Lionel arrived next to him and closed the door of the fridge in his face, forcing him to look at her. "Don't make a fool of me. I know he's sneaking into your bed."

Jude's eyes fell on the ground and his cheeks flushed red. "He's a troubled sleeper", he mumbled, unconvincingly.

"And of course it has _nothing_ to do with the fact that his lovely boyfriend is just right there, and that you two are just messed up with hormones", she snorted. "Jude, I _know_ you have feelings for him, and I get that. I like him too. But if we remove Zero from this damn house, people will have no trouble finding out that you two are boyfriends."

"So what?" Jude asked with a weak voice. He was too smart not to already know the answer to that, but Lionel felt like he didn't want to admit it to himself until someone actually said it out loud.

She sighed. "Social Services are not _thrilled_ that Zero's boyfriend is literally sleeping just next door. And that’s an understatement. They will give us a veto if we try to foster him."

Jude was nervously rolling the bottle of water between his hands. "So I have to give up on my relationship with him to have him near, or on his safety and possibly him as a whole if Social Services decide to send him somewhere else. Either way I'm losing my boyfriend", Jude summarized dryly.

Lionel was feeling truly sorry for her stepson. Zero was a great kid. And from the way Jude looked at him, as if there was the sun, the stars and all the secrets of the universe gathered in his eyes, he was probably a good boyfriend too. She had never seen Jude so happy and she really didn't want to break his heart because of something neither of them did on purpose. But there were not so many possibilities left. She reached for Jude, pulling him close for a hug – and no matter that he was now a head taller than her.

"I wish we had more time to think it through, but with the hospital and all, we can't deny that Zero and all the kids in the house are in actual danger and that he has to go somewhere else", she said, squeezing his shoulders.

Jude remained silent and simply nodded before retreating upstairs. His mood had dropped probably lowest it could possibly get. Predictably, he was still brooding by the time Zero got home after practice, trying to focus on his homework without much success.

"Hello there", Zero trumpeted enthusiastically as he stormed into Jude's bedroom. "I don't think I've ever seen you bugging on something", he teased him, dropping himself on the side of the bed next to Jude. "Did something happen?"

Jude let go of the biology book and crossed his legs. "Lionel's still trying to pull some strings to get you here but... Social Services don't approve of you staying under the same roof as your boyfriend. Something about sexual regulation or some shit like that", he mumbled, vaguely gesturing in the air.

Zero let out a snort and leaned back a little on the bed, resting on his hands. Jude looked at him carefully, studying his features, until Zero glanced back at him. "What?" he asked.

Jude shrugged. "I don't know. I expected you to react differently."

"I knew something like that would come up sooner or later. The system always makes you see the worst, never the best", he drawled. It was almost a universal law, like gravity. Putting a hold on your high hopes was the only way not to be awfully disappointed every time life and the system were finding yet another way to screw everything up. It didn't mean it didn't hurt, though, but he didn't intend to complain now. He wasn't the kind to complain and beg and cry, had never been and would never be. Life had taught him early on that there would still be enough time to cry and beg later when things would get even worst, and all in all, he had spent his whole life waiting for the worst to actually happen.

Jude started playing with the zipper on Zero's jacket. "Maybe we could, I don't know, fake a break-up or something."

Zero gave him a look. "Two reasons why that’s not gonna happen. 1.) It's pointless, do you expect Social Services to be _that_ clueless? And 2.) there's not a chance in hell I'm gonna do that.”

"Why? If that's our best shot, I don't mind pretending we're over. Even that I'm not gay, and just go with the 'that was just a phase' thing", Jude insisted. He wouldn’t even mind getting himself a fake girlfriend. He was literally _ready to do anything_ , just to prevent Zero from getting sent away.

Zero turned towards him, and took his hands off his jacket. "Jude, you know it's not gonna work. If I have to go somewhere else, if they send me away, I don't want to waste even a minute pretending I'm not mad for you.”

There was a wry smile on Jude's face, not quite reaching his eyes though. "Are you?"

Zero laughed. "Of course, stupid."

He pulled him closer in a hug and Jude gave in easily. When they parted after a couple of chaste kisses – how good they were –, Zero granted a look to the discarded biology book. "I know a thing or two about biology. Basic human biology", he nudged him with a cocky smile.

Jude laughed. "Just back off."

*

"If you switch school, you won't be able to make it into another team in time", Derek pointed out before shouting.

Zero groaned. "Yeah. It sucks I know."

They were running some drills on the usual basketball court of the district, and Zero had eventually told them about the mess going on around and _about_ him these days. Terrence got the ball back and aimed towards the hoop. "No, I mean, doesn't that count a little? I mean we're talking about a scholarship, that must count for something", Derek said as Terrence was scoring.

Zero shook his head. "They only see that Jude and I would be under the same roof. They don't want to let go of that." He received the ball from Terrence and walked to the center of the court, where he started to dribble before aiming and shooting a perfect score. He then proceeded to get the ball back before sending it to Terrence.

"Can't you just sign a damn paper about the two of you being two grown-asses and doing willingly whatever the hell you want to do?" Terrence groaned.

Truth was, he had asked about it already. The day before, he had been surprised to find a social worker talking to Lionel when he had gotten back home. The lady had introduced herself as Barbara Lowes. As she had explained, there was good and bad news. The good news was that since Lionel was more than willing to foster him for a few weeks until they manage to find another family, they had no objection to him staying at the Kinkades'. The bad news was that eventually he would have to leave, and Barbara had said she couldn't promise anything about the location of the next house. "But what's the big difference between me staying here for a few weeks and me staying here for a _few months_?", Zero had blurted.

"Because for a few weeks, you're just staying at the house with your boyfriend. If the Kinkades actually become your foster parents, that means you'll be the foster brother of your boyfriend. And no matter if you don't plan on being adopted or that the Kinkades don't plan on adopting you, in the end until you turn 18 you're still eligible for adoption. You see the problem?", she had asked. Zero had been about to start yelling at her but Lionel had given him a look and he simply grumbled 'it's fucking messed up' under his breath as the two women were resuming the conversation they were probably having before he came home.

"Whatever happens, I'm screwed if I leave for anywhere else", Zero stated before sitting on the wooden bench on the side of the court.

To say that he was conflicted was an understatement. He _did_ want to press charges on Leo, and even if he didn't, the Social workers would investigate anyway since the hospital had been forced to report. But if it was just for him, maybe he would have let go of it, and kept crashing at the garage until he would finally get out of the system when he'd turn 18. But nothing said Leo wouldn't find another kid to torture once he would be gone. There would soon be no other chance left to stop those two assholes from hurting any more kids in the future. But on the other hand, there was Jude. He was such a goner when it came to him that only the prospect of returning to a life without him was so painful that he kept pushing the thought away. And there was basketball. And his friends, however annoying they could be. And his future. He had not just showed off in front of Jude's father. He really _did_ know his worth. He knew he could make it to the top. But how could he do that if there was no one to acknowledge him in the first place? Even if he miraculously succeeded into entering the next school's team, he wouldn't get to play much. Recruiters would never lay an eye on him if he was a damn rookie, however skilled, in whatever Holetown he would end up.

Zero's world slowly kept crumbling down around him as the days went on, no matter how hard he was trying to convince himself that _it was going to be okay_ , not only himself but Jude as well. The final strike came out of the blue one Saturday afternoon, as he was working in Doc's garage. Jude had been taken downtown by Lionel for some reason, so he was trying his best to forget about his troubles under a Mercedes CLK convertible that had definitely known better times – in its right decade, to begin with. He heard someone step in and rolled out from under the car.

Usually no one was coming back here, except for a friend or two of his boss’ and several old customers. But the man standing near the entrance of the workshop wasn't someone he had ever seen over here: tall, broad shoulders, brown hair. He reminded him a bit of Jude except for the grey eyes and the twenty year gap. He was wearing a dark suit, clearly not the kind of guy to come in a workshop just to watch and talk.

"Can I help you?" Zero asked while standing up.

The guy took a few steps in his direction. "Doc told me I'd find you here. Samuel Hipwell", he said while handing out his hand.

Zero frowned and showed him his dirty hands. The guy gave up on the handshake with a nod. "What do you need?"

He didn't look like one of the social workers and Zero could tell his suit was hella expansive. "I need to talk to you about Allison Willwight", Hipwell said.

Zero felt his heart jump in his ribcage as if he had been given a shot of adrenalin. He swallowed thickly and started to walk back. "Nah, I'm not doing that", he drawled, shaking his head.

"Ms. Willwight wants to meet you, Gideon."

“That’s not- that’s not my fucking name”, Zero barked as if he had been slapped right in the face. “There’s just me. Me. _Zero._ And the world I live in, there’s no fucking Allison Willwight anywhere.”

Hipwell didn't reply at first, shoving his hands in his pockets. "She had started to look out for you for over a year now, you know? She found out about your foster home being shot down a few weeks ago. After that it became evidence to her."

Zero had a bitter laugh. “And who the hell are you?”

Hipwell looked slightly surprised, but it lasted only a second. “I’m a lawyer. I’m specialized in family law and children’s rights.”

Zero's jaws clenched. A lawyer? She was _willing to meet him_ and sent him a _fucking lawyer?_ "I don't give a damn about her. That's all I got to say to someone who fucking left me on the side of the road when things got too hard for her."

Why was it all happening at once? He was feeling like his world was spinning around, as if the walls around him were threatening to swallow him for good. That's not how he had pictured his last year in high school. That's not how he had pictured his life at all. He had dealt with that already. Allie fucking Willwight was a fucking locked up memory. She wasn't supposed to come back. She left, she wasn't supposed to _ever_ come back, everybody had told him, over and over again, but he had fucking _sucked it up_. Because for twelve years there had been fucking _nothing else to do_.

The lawyer cleared his throat. "I can assure you that her intention is genuine. Finding out about what happened to you, how all the kids were treated in that house, it broke her heart.  She was... she was wrecked", Hipwell insisted.

Wrecked _. And_ _how the hell do you think I feel?_ Zero wanted to scream. Finding out about the way they were treated, about how he got beaten every single day of his life ever since he had entered that damn house, that was the _easy part_. Living it, _surviving it_ , that was fucking harder.

It took Zero every bit of sanity he had left to turn around and resist the physical need to punch the exterior side mirror of the Toyota that was merely inches away from his clenched fist. "I'm not…gonna do that”, he said, almost panting from the contained anger and resentment flooding inside of his brain.

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Zero? Is everything okay?”

The blond baller startled on the couch, as he saw Lionel enter the living room, tying her green robe. It was the first time he was seeing her without any makeup, which was only proving that she was a natural beauty. He hadn’t seen or heard her coming until she actually called his name. Now he felt slightly embarrassed, caught off guard in the living room of _her_ house at 3 in the morning.

“Yeah, sorry. I just couldn’t sleep”, he mumbled _shyly_ as he tucked his legs up against his chest. He had spent over two hours wiggling in bed, before eventually getting up. At least Jude deserved some decent sleep.

Lionel gave him a considering look, then bypassed the other couch to sit near him. “Me neither,” she simply said.

Zero looked up at her. “Jude told me you were under medication.”

She shrugged. “I don’t much like the idea of taking pills to sleep. It looks weirdly like something a rapist might use.”

Zero had a wry smile. Surprisingly, once you start to get used to her, it wasn’t very complicated to talk to Lionel. His boyfriend’s stepmom had started by side-eyeing him a little, emphasizing his name whenever she had to talk to him (ever since she had found out he and Jude were a thing), asking embarrassing questions, and using lots of barely veiled threats about the hundred different ways she could make him suffer if he ever dared to hurt Jude on purpose. But he had dealt with worse than a strong-minded stepmother-in-law. So in the end, aside from rolling his eyes from time to time, it was fine… except maybe now.

“Jude can be a little… _over the top_ sometimes”, Lionel said after a silence, to Zero’s surprise. He didn’t reply anything. He wasn’t sure she was waiting for an answer anyway. “He had always been like that. Maybe it’s a flaw, maybe it’s not. When he finds something to focus on, he just goes at a hundred percent and sometimes forgets about the rest. At times it’s overwhelming and maybe even suffocating. But he doesn’t mean to make you suffer. He really doesn’t.”

Zero wanted to tell her that it had nothing to do with Jude. Not really. His boyfriend was just trying to make plans and stuff and somehow he wasn’t mad at him for that, even though, as Lionel just pointed out, it could be suffocating. He wanted to tell her that he hadn’t meant to give him the silent treatment the night he had come back from the garage after Samuel The-Fucking-Lawyer Hipwell had dropped by and wrecked his world. But he _did_ give him the silent treatment. And he hadn’t talked to him about Hipwell and that fucking person he was even refusing to acknowledge the existence of.  He knew he had gotten him even more worried, because Jude was good at feeling stuff. He was damn sensitive enough to perceive when something was up, and he just _knew_ when Zero was not telling the whole truth. For the past week it had just been hanging in the air between them; as if Jude needed that to be already all twisted up.

“I’m fine, I’m just _done_ with talking about this whole mess”, he had snapped more sharply than he intended to ever talk to Jude. The whole situation was giving Zero the impression that he was living in a snow globe, and that people were just taking turns to shake it and turn it upside down.

Zero took a short breath and wrapped his arms around his knees. “I’m not mad at him. He’s just doing exactly what I’d be doing if this was the other way around. Hell, I’d be ever more annoying.”

Lionel crossed her legs, adjusting her robe. “What is this worried frown about then?”

Zero’s eyes fell on the armrest at the other end of the couch. “My… mother wants to get in touch with me”, he whispered.

He knew Lionel well enough by now to know that in any other situation she would have reacted with all the amount of “extra” that Nature had granted her at her birth. But she was sensitive enough to know that it wasn’t one of those situations where a long lost parent was necessarily something to celebrate.

“Do you know why?” she asked quietly.

Zero shrugged lightly. “Apparently she learned about the house being shut down. She had been thinking about finding me for a year or so. Pretty sure it’s bullshit.”

Lionel tilted her head to the side, her black hair falling on her shoulder. “Why would it be?”

“Because she doesn’t _care_ about me. She never really did. I was… I was 5 when she left me and…” The rest of the sentence died in his throat, as he was running short on words to make his point. He hadn’t even yet had the chance to do something wrong. You couldn’t care about your child and the next minute drop him off to foster care without ever coming back, not even giving the slightest heads-up for twelve years.

Lionel’s voice was soft and nice and felt encouraging as she started to talk again – and Zero could definitely see the range of ‘mommy stuff’ that she had nailed over the years. “Look, I don’t know her. At all. I can’t talk on her behalf here. But as someone from the outside, I don’t see what she would have to gain in meeting you if she wasn’t actually willing to. You said she dumped you, and yes, that’s what she did. But why do you think she would bother trying to contact a teenage boy she had left behind, and whom she _knows_ will have resentment towards her, if not because she’s sincerely worried?”

Zero pressed his lips together and threw his head back against the cushion of the couch. What he remembered from his mother wasn’t enough to put up some kind of decent portrayal. He had dealt with all of that stuff long ago, closed the file, buried the memories, and locked the damn door. Whatever Allison “Allie” Willwight had been up to for the past twelve years wasn’t something he was ever willing to be confronted with... Right?

“I don’t know what to think about it”, Zero eventually said. “I don’t know which would be worse: that she wants to have me back… or that she doesn’t.”

There was a short silence, then Lionel patted his arm. “Look, I’m not trying to force you into doing anything. Whatever you decide, it’s your call. But maybe you could get in touch with her. And if she wants to have you back… Well maybe it’s an opportunity, among other options. Either way, I think you should think about it thoroughly through. But maybe after catching up on some sleep.”

*

Jude sighed. “Zero, I’m trying to focus…”

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’m doing my best here”, Zero retorted, his lips wandering on his neck.

Jude felt his body shiver under Zero’s ministrations, his hands clenching on his biology book. They had been working side by side like normal people for about half an hour, until Zero decided that he was done, jumping on the bed instead, and from there painstakingly ruining every bit of sanity Jude had left. Jude wasn't regretting the fact that their relationship had developed to the next level, _no_ , but Zero’s lips were now carefully running all around his neck, and every single time Zero was shifting angle, Jude’s heart was skipping a couple of beats. It was freaking unbearable, Jude thought in despair. He realized he was reading the exact same sentence for about the fifteenth time, while Zero’s lips were moving from the back to the right side of his neck. His breath shuddered. _Focus. Just ignore him and focus_. He had a test the following day and he needed to be _focused_. But his body wasn’t exactly reacting the way he would have wanted it to react, and eventually, Jude turned his face to the side, reaching for Zero’s lips. The kiss grew heated quickly, with enough tongue to make Jude’s brain go blank. He was taken back to reality when he felt the biology book escaping his hands, as Zero had reached for it and made it disappear before he could even process it. “That’s not fair”, Jude complained.

“All is fair in love and war”, Zero grinned.

Jude stood up. “Is that love or is that war?”

Zero was now sitting on the bed, defiantly. “Depends”.

Before Jude could reply, he was pulling him down for a hungry kiss, circling his waist with his arms, and when the kiss deepened, his brain just forgot about everything else that wasn’t Zero. Jude hadn’t realized how often his fingers were sliding under the fabric of Zero’s shirt, reveling in the touch of his warm skin, but the baller apparently did notice. He reversed their positions and broke the kiss, leaning back to take off his shirt. Jude followed his movement, leaning up and wrapping his arms around Zero as he started to run his lips on his torso. Zero captured his lips again, and they laid back on the bed. They were still making out when the sound of the front door closing made Zero whine, his face hidden in Jude’s neck.

“Did she set a fucking alarm or what?”Jude hissed, frustrated.

“I told you biology could wait”, Zero complained, falling off of him.

With a sigh, Jude sat up on the bed, running his hand through his hair. Zero unenthusiastically reached for his shirt and was just putting it back when Lionel called for Jude from downstairs.

“You _yelled_ my name?” Jude sarcastically said when he reached the living room.

“Indeed”, Lionel said with a light tone.

Jude’s eyes widened. She was standing in the middle of a _pool_ of shopping bags. There were fashion brands plastered on every single one of them and the worst was that she didn’t look even remotely remorseful, but rather proud. “What the hell is all of that?” Jude asked, in shock.

“You raided the city?” Zero laughed, standing just behind his boyfriend.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s just three or four things,” she replied with a shrug, tossing her black hair back behind her shoulder.

She took a very concentrated look around her, then a lightbulb seemed to appear above her head as she let out a satisfied sound. She gathered several _huge_ shopping bags and proceeded to step over the rest to hand them to Jude – or rather, _throw_ them in Jude’s arms. “Here’s for you, honey. There must be one or two more somewhere, but I’ll tell you when I can find exactly which one it is,” she said, looking around her with a slight frown.

Jude quirked a brow. “Why the hell is there a Patagonia bag?”

“Because we’re going to Aspen for Christmas and you grew a significant amount of _inches_ for the past two years, in case you forgot”, Lionel replied lightly, as she was going through another bag just as voluminous.

Zero and Jude exchanged a look. “I’ll put these somewhere”, Jude said, shaking his head. Zero laughed and was about to exit the room behind him when Lionel called out.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? Those right there are for you”, she said, waving at various bags gathered around one of the armchairs.

“What?”

Lionel turned back and gave him a look. “Those are for you. Don’t expect me to bring them upstairs for you”, she snorted.

Zero frowned. “You don’t have to do that.”

Lionel scoffed. “I hope I don’t, with two strong, young men under my roof”.

Zero shook his head. “No, I mean, buying me stuff. I’m serious. This (he gestured, pointing at the house around), it’s just temporary.”

Lionel shrugged. “So what? You expect me to let you freeze to death? Certainly not.”

“Okay but seriously, I’m not going to Aspen”, Zero said, rolling his eyes.

“And why not?” Lionel asked, inspecting whatever was in the Prada shop bag in her hands.

“One word. _Oscar_ ”, Zero laughed.

Lionel turned to him and chuckled, replacing the Prada bag on the ground. “Don’t worry, I handled this a long time ago. It’s not like I could have decided to foster you without his approval anyway”, she said, waving her hand in the air.

Zero gave her a look, and she shrugged. “Let’s just say that it’s crazy, the amount of stuff you can get from a rich man once you told him you didn’t care he was unfaithful”, she simply said with a large smile.

“Does Jude know?” Zero asked, furrowing his brows.

“Nope. And we’re all fine like that”, Lionel said with a satisfied smile. “Oh, this one is for you as well.” She handed him another bag, a grey one with golden letters plastered on it.

Zero glanced at her. “Tom Ford? _Really_?”

“Did no one teach you to say thank you?” Lionel snapped back.

Zero huffed a half-laughing, half-annoyed sigh and thanked her before going upstairs. “Why is she spoiling me this much? It’s insane”, he said as he was trying to get all the stuff freshly bought in the closet of the guestroom.

Jude smirked. “I don't know, as far as I'm concerned, you're everything but the pretty baby girl she sometimes longs to have.” Zero turned back and Jude gave him an innocent look that made him chuckle.

“Aren’t you, I don’t know, worried to have the two of us right under Oscar’s nose for _five full days_?” Zero asked, frowning.

Jude rubbed his hands together, from the side of the bed he was sitting on. “Maybe a little. But Oscar’s never really _fully there_ to begin with. And I’m glad you’re coming.”

He was unable to restrain a fond smile on his face. The past few weeks had had their share of bad news and worries. If for five, little days, they could just forget about the outer world, and just enjoy a bit of peace and quiet, that was by far the greatest gift he could ever ask for. Jude stood up and pulled him close for a hug, unable to restrain a shudder when the Zero’s lips reached for his.

*

The following week went fast, partly because Lionel was on the loop about Aspen. The events surrounding Zero’s incident back at his foster house had apparently provoked a drift in her usual calendar and she was supposedly _far_ behind her usual preparations for the family holidays. “She’s just as late as usual,” Jude had pointed out dryly one morning while they were arriving to school. Considering all the fuss about him possibly sent away, the last week before the winter break almost felt like he was taken back to the good days of the beginning of the year. He was just a teenager all over again – they all were – and it was, somehow, helping him to cope with the disastrous feeling that something would befall on them at one point.

Lionel, Jude and Zero took a flight to Aspen on Friday night, while Oscar was supposed to join them the following morning. The cabin the Kinkades owned in Aspen was a three bedroom-two bathroom house in the pure modern “rustic chic” style, as Lionel said, with fireplaces, decorative stones, and basically wood everywhere. Jude and Zero made an effort to at least put their stuff in the two different bedrooms they were supposed to occupy, but in the end, as soon as Lionel had retired in her own bedroom, Zero snuck in Jude’s, as always.

“They say it’s important not to break your habits too much while away,” Zero retorted as he wrapped his arms around Jude, who chuckled a bit as he was burying his face between his shoulder blades. They fell fast asleep, only to wake up the next morning shortly after Oscar arrived. They had decided that the less Jude’s father would see them together, the better it’d be, so they somewhat managed not to show up too often side by side. Zero even succeeded in having a conversation with him about the ‘disastrous state of the market regarding recent Basketball trades – and even when he was anything but agreeing, he forced himself to politely nod.

“I didn’t ask you to be my father’s yes-man,” Jude pointed out as they were walking out.

Zero shrugged. “That’s fine. It’s just five days, right?”

_Five days my ass_ , Jude thought bitterly. He didn’t know how he would do in the near future, because there was so much fake pretense that his father could get lured with before even he got what it was actually about, but he tried his best not to think about it too much. After all, these five days were supposed to give them the opportunity to also take a break from their troubles and have fun. Jude was absolutely _delighted_ to take his revenge for every little thing, passed and too come, that Zero ever did in order to annoy him, when he suddenly found out that his boyfriend was _so not_ a snow person.

“Payback is a bitch!” Zero warned him, sputtering snow while Jude was literally laughing his ass off. They had been fussing together like kids, making people look at them with a wry smile.

The following day, Jude decided to teach Zero some basics about snowboarding, but it turned out that his boyfriend was gifted in that area. After a few hours spent racing against each other, Jude managed to win – 4 to 3 – and ultimately convinced Zero that it wasn’t in his best interest to literally _break a leg_ right now. When they returned home, the cabin was empty as Lionel and Oscar went out to get a drink with acquaintances.

Jude snorted while reading the post-it left by Lionel. “She’s going to be _so_ happy.”

Zero turned to him while Jude was taking off his coat, showing the post-it. “You know ‘em?”

“The Longhorns? Yeah. They were friends with my mom’s family. Lionel doesn’t like them because they remind her all the time she’s not royalty,” he shrugged.

Zero laughed, kicking his shoes off. “Let me guess, your mom was?”

Jude closed the closet in the entrance of the house after hanging his coat inside. “According to them, ‘guess so. It’s stupid though.”

They went to the kitchen where Jude opened the fridge to take out some soda cans. They were burning in their winter outfits, after a whole afternoon outside, no matter if it was supposed to be hella cold. Even Zero, who was very much _not_ a cold weather person, had managed to survive it.

“You never talk about her. What happened to her?” Zero asked, hopping on the countertop.

Jude rolled the soda can between his hands, leaning against the kitchen table. “She killed herself, the summer before I left for boarding school.” Zero looked at him with wide eyes, but Jude shrugged. “She was sick, mentally speaking. I think back then they were not really calling that bipolar disorder? Rather, manic depression or something.”

He remembered the last time when he had a sleep-over with Raquel. They were 6. The Saldanas were out of the town for the wedding of one of their relatives and she had spent the weekend at the Kinkades’. It was 3 in the morning when Anna had woken them up to bake cookies. That’s about when it had all started to go downhill.

“Is it why your dad is… well, _your dad_?” Zero asked after a silence, making visible efforts not to sound too mean or careless.

Jude had the hollow of a smile. “Partly, I guess.” He took a sip from his can, swallowed, then sat on the kitchen table. “She threw me in the pool once, when I was 7 maybe? I think I’ve never seen my dad lose it so much ever since.”

_I taught you how to swim, sweetie. Swim!_ Turned out she had not. She had planned to do so, but never actually did. And Jude could still remember his father storming out of his office, his face a deep shade of red, to find out what the hell was all the fuss about. _Are you fucking insane?!_ he had yelled at her after firmly grabbing him and pulling him off the water. _You’re insane, Anna, you’re fucking insane!_ he had kept shouting at her as she was starting to cry and sob. And Jude, who was trying to catch a breath, sputtering water swallowed the second before. Sometimes, it felt like he could still remember the grip of his father on his shoulder. And Jude was sometimes thinking that he was living this day all over again every time he was crossing Oscar’s look. It was something neither of them really talked about.

After that, Anna was sent away for a while. _To rest_ , he had been told. He had learned years later that it was just a fashionable way to say that she had been sent to a center for a few weeks. He never got to really evoke her after she died. Not that he really intended to. Those were just memories, in the end. Blurred, vague. Not really traumas, just stuff that happened. Truth was, he had been starting to consider her more and more as _Anna_. Not mom, just _Anna._

The atmosphere in the kitchen seemed suddenly heavier and Jude straightened his posture and shrugged for himself. “One day she just took some pills and it was done.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Zero asked after a silence.

“What?”

“That I was not the only one who went through some shit”, he replied, looking at him with a considering glance.

Jude’s eyes widened. “What? No I’m fine, it’s okay. Really.”

Zero remained silent for a moment, and Jude was about to ask what the hell happened for his mood to drop like that, when he looked at the empty can between his hands. “My mother" he said, almost quietly. "She wants to come back into my life."


	8. Chapter 8

Jude stood next to Kyle’s locker as she was retrieving books. She looked up at him, and quirked an eyebrow. “Zero’s mother?” she asked.

“Yeah.” Kyle closed her locker and braced her books in one arm. “I didn’t know about it until last night, if that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t, but thank you”, Jude replied dryly.

Over a week had passed since Zero told him about it and they barely brought up the matter, when all Jude wanted was to _talk about it._ They left the lockers and slowly headed through the hallway, barely paying attention to the flow of students going to their first period. They had a free one and just settled on the stairs outside, enjoying the chilly air.

“I can’t believe he kept it to himself for _all this time,_ ” Jude mumbled.

Kyle shrugged and sighed. “He’s like that, you better get used to it. He’s not shy about sharing stuff as long as it’s not a really big deal. He’s a bit like you, y’know? Always overthinks everything. Although he hides it better than you,” she drawled, nudging him.

Jude let out a groan. He wasn’t used to seeing Zero like that and he frankly hated it. He was feeling utterly useless, and simply wished he could help him, even if it was just to sit and listen while he opened up. But apparently, opening up wasn’t much a Zero thing and it made Jude want to slam his head against the wall sometimes.

“I don’t even know what I should be preaching for. It’s a good thing if she wants to come back, don’t you think? I mean, yes, she abandoned him, but on the other hand she might have realized she screwed up? Maybe it’s not such a _bad thing_.”

Kyle shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s not just about her showing up, it’s about her abandoning him. If my father showed up one morning, I’d be pissed. I wouldn’t want him to come now and to apologize. I’m not sure I’d want to ever talk to him to begin with.”

Jude was ready to snap ‘but you’ve never lived through foster care either’, but realized just as the words were about to came out how offensive and hurtful it’d sound, so he just hummed in response instead. Kyle might have been acting like a twin or a sister or basically everything else more than just a best-friend to Zero for the past ten years or so, but she was _not_ his girlfriend. Her relationship with him could get through that, Zero leaving the town and the state even, with a phone call a day and various FaceTime. The one he had with Zero, with his _boyfriend_ , was strong but maybe _too strong_. Like an oak lost in the middle of a storm. It was sometimes the strongest bonds that broke the fastest, because in the end, it always turned out to be too much. Too painful, too hard, too overwhelming. Just _too much_. He swallowed thickly and tried to force his brain back to what Kyle was saying – something about some guy named Jimmy or Jake that Raquel had started dating ever since some New Year Eve party.

His first encounter with the said guy during lunch time wasn’t much to ease his already brooding mood. The guy was a jackass and was obviously thinking that Raquel was kind of his thing already, with too much ass-grabbing for Jude’s comfort, – and judging by Jelena’s clearly unimpressed face, she was having none of it either. They were halfway through lunch but Zero was still nowhere to be seen. After staring down at his phone for a couple of minutes, waiting for something to happen, he eventually sighed and unlocked it. He was about to fire a text when he spotted the shape of his boyfriend walking in the Cafeteria.

“I was getting worried”, Jude said after Zero greeted the boys and Kyle.

The baller dropped himself next to him. “You worry too much babe,” he said with a wry smile. To Jude’s surprise, but also his pleasure, he reached for a kiss – too short and a little too chaste. After they parted, Jude met with Raquel’s boyfriend looking at them. The guy was eyeing them with a quirked eyebrow, but as soon as he realized he was caught, he just looked away.

The awkward moment of the week happened at some point during one of Jude’s history classes. Their teacher, a plump and visibly very tense woman in her forties, felt apparently slightly bitter about the lack of enthusiasm of her students, to the point where deciding that they would be working in small teams of two on a given subject and that the grade would be the same for _both_ students. But things would have been way too easy if they had been able to choose their partner, after all it was an excessively well-crafted sentence in their teacher’s mind. She started to put up the groups, and Jude barely restrained a groan when he heard “Jude, with Sadie”.

Everybody looked at them with curiosity, and eventually, Jude turned his head to acknowledge her presence at the back of the classroom with a forced smile. Derek and Raquel were frankly trying not to laugh, and Jude shot them a look as he could already imagine what text they were mentally preparing to send Zero.

“Don’t you dare”, Jude mouthed.

“Bite me”, Derek replied with a smug face.

Less than five minutes later, he received a text from his boyfriend.

 **_Zero_ ** **:** _What’s the deal with Sadie_

Jude rolled his eyes and turned to Derek. “You’re dead”, he mouthed, which only made his friend laugh silently. Jude quickly replied that it was some stupid assignment, and when the bell rang, he had to head for the ginger-slash-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend-slash-cheerleader who was giggling with her friends, to see when they could eventually settle a moment to work together. Not that it rejoiced him.

Sadie looked at him haughtily. “I gave you my number in September. Although you made it pretty clear you were not exactly _interested_.”

 _Lord, give me the fucking patience not to crush her against the damn wall._ At least he knew that he had nothing to worry about with Zero, which was already quite something. Jude sighed. “Look, I came over only to talk about the assignment.”

She looked at him then shrugged. “Fine. Let’s see about that during the next free period tomorrow.”

 _I so look forward to it,_ Jude sarcastically thought as she was walking away.

*

“Boss, the Ford in the workshop needs to get the timing belt replaced, maybe we…” The rest of Zero’s sentence died in his throat when he arrived in his boss’ tiny office. The lights were always dimmed in the room, piles of papers occupied the small desk and there was more dust in there than in the entire workplace.

Doc and the lady he was talking to both looked up at him. She had auburn hair and blue eyes, and looked vaguely in her late twenties. Her outfit was something Lionel Kinkade could wear anytime, elaborate, with soft colors, undoubtedly expensive, and he was sure he had already seen the brand of her handbag on his boyfriend’s stepmom's arm.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” he blurted, storming out of the room before Allison _fucking_ Willwight could open her damn mouth.

He strode into the workshop, but it was a useless move and he knew it long before the tapping of her heels not far behind him invaded the acoustic space. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I told your fucking lawyer I didn't want anything to do with you!” Maybe he should have told his boss to mind his fucking business, because apparently _everybody_ in this damn city had started to misunderstand the very simple concept of _privacy_.

“Zero, please-”

Zero turned back, literally livid. “ _No_! You don't get to call me that. You don't get to show up after all this time, and take me for granted. End of story!”

That name, _his_ name, belonged to a fucking world where Leo and Carla had been. She didn’t have the right to come now and invade this world he had been slowly building _in spite of her._

“Please, just listen to me!” she pleaded again, stepping closer than she had ever been for the past twelve years.

Zero didn’t want to look at her. He was desperately trying to look elsewhere, _anywhere_ , really, but just not into her eyes. He didn’t want to look at her face, to hear her voice, he wanted none of these things, because yes, _yes_ , it was fucking painful. But his own eyes didn’t want to listen to him, and they reached for hers and he felt his heart sink deep in his chest. _Go away. Leave me alone,_ and worse, _I can’t handle this_. It was too painful to stare at those blue eyes she had given to him.

Her voice sounded breathless and the words like they were spilling out of her mouth without even thinking them through beforehand. “I didn't mean to force you to meet me, I've never- I've never taken you for granted... When he told me that, when he told me you didn't want to try, I told myself that it was your call. But then I realized that all you could remember of me was that I left you... And I'm not- I'm not the same person anymore and-”

“I was five, _fucking five_ ”, he exclaimed.

“And I was sixteen!”, she shouted back. “I was- I was sixteen when you were born! My family had thrown me out, I had no one. I started to date loser after loser, crappy addiction after crappy addiction. I tried to make it right for you, but everybody kept telling me I was a failure and yes, at some point I believed them!”

They were staring at each other, cold glare versus imploring glance, but in the end, their eyes were just the same and Zero couldn’t handle the thought of it. He turned his gaze away. Maybe if he was saying nothing, she would just leave. She would just leave him alone. That’s all he was asking. But it didn’t seem like she was ready to let go just yet.

Her breath was shaky in the silent workplace, as if she was trying to hold back a sob. “When I realized that the world I was living in, between meth and PCP, was starting to affect your health... I had no other choice. They would have- They would have taken you from me. And I was relieved when I left you because I thought that you'd be safe. Better off without me.”

Zero shook his head and bit his lower lip as he was scoffing, but deep down he was just trying to hold back the damn tears, of sadness or bitterness, or anger he didn’t know, that were starting to gather in his eyes. “You never fucking fought for me. All this time, I had to fight for myself the mess you left behind you.”

He turned his back on her and tucked his clenched fists in his pockets. Basketball wasn’t what he should have been planning on making a living out of, but fucking boxing instead. Now that his eyes were not drawn to her, desperately trying to fish for every single detail of her face, he was starting to get his thoughts in line. And sadness was once again leaving the stage to anger, because yes, _he was fucking angry._ “You know what pisses me of? Among many other things, the fact that you sent a fucking lawyer before _you_ came,” he said, his voice rough from resentment.

 “He’s not just a lawyer. Samuel… Samuel is my husband”, Allie said almost quietly.

Zero started to bite his lower lip again, harder, stopping only when he started to feel the taste of blood on his tongue. “You don't even have the tiniest idea of what I've been through all those years, while you were screwing Mister Fancy Suit”, he replied, still not looking at her.

“What if I do want to know?” she said again.

There was silence. “This thing. You and me. That’s not- that’s not gonna happen.”

*

_“Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you in the first place.”_

_“Oh really? Why?”_

_“Because you can’t accept that this is my decision! You can’t just back down about her!”_

_“Because I care about you!”_

_“If you really did, you’d know that some things go far beyond your understanding of the situation!”_

_“All I see is that you have the opportunity to protect everything you have right now, an opportunity no one,_ no one _was even dreaming of, and you’re wasting it!”_

“Dreaming _? And what’s next, you’ll start talking about_ a chance _? Fate?_ Fucking luck?!”

_“Maybe it is! Yes, Allie abandoned you to crappy people. Because she was in a crappy situation as well! Now she’s a grown-up, she’s married and she’s fine!”_

_“Jude, hear me out. If I_ ever _have the choice between staying here with her, or starting afresh in a whole different city at the cost of_ everything else _, I’ll not stick around once more with someone who had already let me down once._

 _And where do_ I _stand exactly?_

_I don’t know!_

The words he had the night before with Jude kept swirling around in his head all the way back to the Kinkades, and he found himself helplessly guilty. Zero’s state of mind had been apparently written all over his face and Jude had no trouble spotting that something had happened when he came back from work. Zero proceeded to recount to him the conversation with Allie, but it looked like the more he was trying to share his feelings and open up about the bitterness and resentment it was making him feel, the less Jude was able to just _understand_. It had escalated so badly that at ten PM, they were still shouting at each other, before Zero eventually left, loudly slamming the door behind him. He had tried to get some fresh air in order to ease his anger, but it was already past eleven when he finally was able to think about anything at all without desperately wanting to punch something, so he just went to Doc Hudson’s garage instead of going home. He knew Jude would connect the dots without needing a text, and he still felt too angry at the time to bother trying. The last thing he needed was to crush his phone on the ground for putting the wrong letter in the text.

As he was just about to reach the front door, still not quite decided between ringing or just entering, the door opened on Jude. They stared at each other in disbelief for a short moment.

“I’m sorry for last night”, Zero said, awkwardly standing at the foot of the three steps before the actual front door.

Jude’s expression softened and he closed the door behind him, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry for last night too”, he said.

They remained silent for a moment, then Zero swallowed thickly. “I don’t want to leave you behind. I’m still not gone. Right?” The sad smile on his face didn’t make up for the weak voice though.

Jude didn’t say anything; instead he just came down the three steps and pulled him close for a hug. “Right,” he whispered.

Zero’s body almost instantly reacted to Jude’s arms around him, and his muscles started to relax as he was hugging him back. “Maybe I won’t have to leave at all, for all we know,” he said softly in Jude’s neck.

It was Jude’s turn to stiffen this time, and he looked clearly nervous all of a sudden. “Yeah, well. About that-”, he started to say, his voice stuttering.

Zero frowned. “What’s going on?”

Jude seemed to be searching for his words, quite refusing to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. “I-uh. I need you to stay calm. Please, for me.”

“Jude. What the fucking is going on?” Zero insisted, getting a bad taste in his mouth already. That’s when, while following Jude’s gaze as it was wandering around, he registered a Lexus parked in the driveway next to Lionel’s red Porsche. He hadn’t even seen it at first, probably because he was _way_ too deep in thought at the moment. That was a recent model. Something that was definitely more than what a social worker called _Barbara Lowes_ could afford.

“Hell,” Zero simply grunted as he bypassed Jude to storm in the house, not listening to Jude calling his name.

The conversation between the two women stopped brutally as he strode in the living room. Lionel and Allie both looked up at him, and if Lionel's glance wasn't looking much disturbed, Allie looked clearly like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. She was about to stand up, when Zero stopped her with a movement of his hand.

"What is she doing here?" he asked, glaring directly at Lionel.

His boyfriend's stepmom calmly smoothed her red skirt with the palm of her hand. “I invited her."

Zero felt utterly betrayed. He thought that she had understood. That she wasn't going to force him to do things he didn't want to do. He thought that she was on his side. _She had told him she was_. _“_ What is it that you don’t understand about ‘I don’t want to see you again?’,” he barked bitterly.

Allie stood up from the couch, putting her cup of coffee on the table. “You said I never fought for you, well, now that’s what I’m doing! You wanna know why? Because I can be stubborn as well.”

Zero snorted. “It’s a little too late to be stubborn.” He turned back and was starting to go upstairs when Allie recovered her ability to move and hurried behind him, in what felt like a scripted version of every single one of their encounters.

“You have sister!” she shouted at the bottom of the staircase. “Laura. She’s 6, and she's got everything I never could have given you, even a proper father. And I want to fix that! I want to give you a family, and a home, and love and support. And I know it's too late, I know I can't make it up to Gideon, but I can try to make it right for Zero."

Zero remained still at the top of the staircase, his hand clenching on the railway. Ever since Samuel _Fancy Suit_ Hipwell had stepped in his life with that groundbreaking statement, Zero had managed to restrain himself from ever thinking about it. About what his life _might_ have been. He had thought about it as a kid, then a pre-teen, dreaming about a thousand different fates he might have had if his mother had not dumped him, or simply if he had been born someone else. But there were missing pieces to the puzzle. He couldn't possibly come up with a story that would look remotely real because by the time he was 10, he had already forgotten about his mom and her voice and what she really looked like. He didn't have all the keys. But now, now _he fucking knew_. He fucking knew that Allie Willwight had auburn hair and pretty blue eyes, and that she was fucking married to a lawyer. And where would he be by now, if he had gotten a _lawyer_ for stepfather, a lawyer with a fancy car and fancy job title and fancy, hella expensive suits? He surely wouldn't have the scars he had now, literally and figuratively. Maybe he wouldn't have met Jude. Maybe he would have been taught that loving boys was wrong.

“Why do you even _want_ me?” he eventually asked. Why, indeed? She had another baby, a perfect husband, expensive clothes, and handbags, and cars, and probably even a fucking big house. _She had it all_. She could have another baby. Hell, she could even call him Gideon and start it all over again. No one would know she had failed the first time.

“Because you’re my baby too”, she said. “And yes, maybe I had another baby. And another shot at life. But you have just me. You will never have another mother. The least I can do is to try again, if you would just give me that opportunity.”

Zero pressed his lips together, his foot still resting on the last step. His heart, his damn heart, was threatening to just split his ribcage in two. “My name is Zero. Not Gideon. And that’s not gonna change. Not now, not in three months, _Capice?_ ” he heard himself saying after a long silence. If she was willing to have him, well that was on his terms. People had been deciding for him all his life, about whether or not he was happy, or sad, whether he deserved to be well treated or not, about whether he should be _beaten_ or not, hell, even cheated on.

Since Allie wasn't saying anything, he kept on. "I'm not changing schools. Not now, not in three months.” He eventually turned back on the staircase and started to slowly head back downstairs. “I want to be a professional baller, and I'm not gonna change my career plans, and certainly not for some fancy job that would be more settled and convenient for your or Mr. Fancy Suit’s comfort. Not now, not in three months."

Allie nodded in silence, and for the first time Zero found himself looking at her without feeling like tearing down the room around him. "I have a boyfriend," he said again, his voice quieter. "I love him. And I'm not gonna change that either. Not now, not in three months. It's all or fucking nothing."

Zero took his eyes away from Allie and saw that Jude and Lionel were standing nearby. He didn’t really look at Jude at first, but at Lionel instead. There was a subtle smile on her face. Maybe all the emotions were messing him up, but it looked like she was proud.

"You don't have to change anything you are," Allie replied softly.


	9. Chapter 9

When Zero woke up, it took him a few seconds to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t yet used to the sight of his new bedroom. Sometimes he had to think about it twice to remember all that had happened in so little time. It wasn’t his fault that his life had taken such an unexpected turn since September. When he had started to crash at the Kinkades, there was always Jude with him. It has never taking more than a tenth of second to catch his boyfriend’s breath, or just the warmth of his skin. But now… it was different. Of course it was. His _whole life_ was different now. He had a mother and a stepfather and a half-sister. Plus a whole bunch of other family members that he wasn’t dying to meet. Since he had agreed to going back with Allie, to Jude’s and Lionel’s utter joy, he had been spending some time with her, here and there. Then Samuel had started to join them too. He wasn’t exactly feeling _comfortable_ , but given the situation, he had started to assume that it was the most comfortable he could ever get. By the second week of February, it had been decided that he would settle permanently with Allie and Samuel – and of course, _Laura_. The kid was honestly the full princess package, with long, chestnut curls, rosy cheeks, and big blue eyes. Zero had not taken much time to watch her carefully, but from what he had seen, she was pretty much the perfect mix between Allie and Samuel. She was stubborn and outspoken like Allie, but serious and focused like Samuel. The first time he met her, she looked at him from head to toe with a concerned look. She was barely reaching his hip, and Zero wondered how the hell there could be on earth such tiny human beings. Uncomfortable under his stepsister’s scrutiny, he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Abigail’s mom brought a _baby_ brother home,” she had observed.

Zero bit back a laugh. “Yeah, well, I’m sure Abigail’s mother’s life is easier than your mom’s.”

She frowned, slightly confused. “She’s your mommy too.”

He debated the pros and cons of explaining to a six-year-old kid that he wasn’t exactly considering her as such, but he had a long day at school, practice had been tough and he was tired. “Yeah,” he eventually replied, settling for the least confusing statement.

After that, she kept looking at him whenever they were in the same room – which didn’t happen often because Zero was either out or in his bedroom –, but she was frowning less and less, as if she had decided that he was allowed to be there after all. One evening, as he was coming back home after practice and tutoring, he entered the kitchen where Allie was busy preparing dinner. She turned towards him as he was retrieving some soda from the fridge. “Three of Laura’s friends’ moms have already called since the beginning of the week, and I’m not talking about the five more that have come straight to me to talk. The entire school knows about you,” she said while moving the contents of the pan.

“Wait _what_?”

Allie had covered the pan and reduced the fire. “Laura’s been telling everyone about her new big brother.”

Zero had furrowed his brows. “Why would she do that?”

Allie had a chuckle. “She’s six, she’s happy, and I think she likes you.”

He made a face and shook his head, before going upstairs. Laura’s behavior was both sweet and irritating. He wasn’t going to be jealous of a six-year-old – he wasn’t _that_ petty, come on –, but even his crappy life and the disastrous motive that led him to surface in the family were working well for his stepsister. Of course she was six. Of course she didn’t know about everything. _Of course_ it was alright for her to rejoice or find some pride in having him, it was rather endearing after all. But in the end that was just marking more and more the gap between six-year-old Laura and his six-year-old self. The same night he had texted that he was tired and that he wasn’t hungry – which was true – to avoid another awkward family dinner, calling Jude instead to catch up on all the stuff they couldn’t find the time to talk about at school. Most of the nights ended up with goodnight calls to his boyfriend. Just like the night before.

After a quick shower, he headed downstairs. The house was quiet, almost _too_ quiet. Not that it was a war-zone the rest of the time, but Laura wasn’t just some six-year-old. She was a _talkative_ six-year-old. There was just a handful of times where you couldn’t hear her babble somewhere in the house during the day. Zero retrieved a box of cereal from a cupboard and slightly startled when Samuel entered the room.

“Hi there”, he said with a smile.

As always, Zero couldn’t restrain a vague feeling of uneasiness and simply mumbled a “hi” in return. His stepfather came up next to him and poured himself some coffee, while Zero was focusing on the cereal and the tinkling sound it made as it crashed to the bottom of the bowl.

“Allie and Laura went shopping. They will be back for lunch,” Samuel said after a minute. Zero nodded in silence and kept on chewing his cereal, leaning against the kitchen countertop. “What do you plan on doing today?”

Zero lifted his eyes to him. Doc Hudson had closed the garage for three weeks to pay a visit to his daughter in Hawaii. As a result, Zero was left with nothing to do on the weekends, since Lionel had booked Jude for whatever plans he didn’t know much about. “I don’t know. Play ball maybe.”

Samuel hummed in response and took his cup of coffee with him before exiting the kitchen.

Samuel was nice.

Like, really nice.

Okay, nice in a way that was making Zero freak out.

“No one is so freaking _nice,_ ” Zero had pointed out quite a few times already.

“Perhaps he just wants you to feel welcomed,” Jude had diplomatically replied, which earned him a snort. “People _love_ you. The guys love you, Kyle loves you. I love-” There had been a pause in his sentence and Zero grinned, defying him with a quirked eyebrow as Jude blushed. “… and Lionel loves you too,” he finally said after clearing his throat.

“Asshole”, Zero laughed. Ever since they had started dating, there had been some sort of twisted game about the eight letter sentence, and they both liked competition too much to lose. Of course, they _knew_ their feelings. Zero knew that he desperately loved Jude and vice-versa. But that was the last thing that prevented them from being totally cheesy and sappy 24/7.

Zero finished his breakfast then proceeded to go back upstairs, until he caught a glimpse of his stepfather in his office, through the door that was hanging wide open. He knew he was working on his case these days because Allie had told him so. That was an easy one, one that didn’t even need for Samuel to fight whatever conflict of interests he was supposed to be in. Since Allie had renounced her parental rights the day she abandoned him, she had officially stopped being his mother twelve years ago. They had to petition the Court in order for her parental rights to be reinstated, but with all the fuss about the foster house being shut down and Leo physically assaulting him, Samuel was more than confident that Allie would be reinstated in a snap. At least that’s what she told Zero, because he could count his conversations with Samuel on one hand.

There were three men that had been, by default for at least two of them, important in his life. Jude, of course, was by far the most important one. Then his coach, because he was, after all, the one holding his future in his hands, and then Doc Hudson. But he had never actually _lived_ with either his Coach or Doc Hudson. Having Samuel around all the time, especially in _his_ house, was making him feel freaking uncomfortable. It wasn’t Allie’s house. It was Samuel’s, at least that’s what Zero felt like. Everything here belonged to Samuel, even Allie and Laura. He knew he sounded like some animal complaining about another male in his territory whenever he brought up the matter – with Jude or anybody else – but _yes_ , that’s what it felt like.

Zero took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, crossing the entrance of the house and the dining room until he was standing – awkwardly – in the doorframe of the office. Samuel lifted his eyes from the papers he was holding and looked at him with questioning eyes.

“Still working on my case?” Zero asked politely. Because yes, in the end, the man was trying to protect his ass, so the very least he could do was to look slightly invested in the matter. Samuel nodded. “I hope it’s not taking too much of your time.”

Samuel had a smile. “It’s mostly paperwork, don’t worry.”

“Ah. Great.” He remained there, slightly fidgeting in the doorframe, in perhaps the most awkward moment of his life.

Samuel, who had started to write something down, stopped and looked up again. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

“No. Yes. No,” Zero mumbled stupidly. He took himself from the doorframe and was about to walk away when the question he had been dying to ask since the very beginning blurted out. “Why are you doing this? Is this just because Allie asked you?”

The last thing he wanted was to impose his presence on someone who had not wanted him. He had been fighting this very feeling his whole life and he was frankly _sick_ of it. From what he had seen, Allie clearly had everything she wanted, from the car to the designer handbag. He didn’t want to be one more thing Samuel would have consented to, and handed over to her to please her. 

Samuel gave him a considering look and put his pen down. “No. Not really. We decided that together a while ago.”

“But why would you want to deal with _me?_ You’re not my father. You don’t have to deal with… with me,” Zero mumbled. He knew he had a shitty temper. He was moody and cheeky and quick-tempered and sometimes, a bit of an asshole. He knew that. Everybody knew that. He was the typical seventeen-year-old teenager with an extra amount of shitty past; in short, the nightmare of most parents.

Samuel sighed. “The first time we met (Zero winced because he knew he had been hella rude, even though he had _every right_ to be), I told you I was specialized, in part, in children rights. I’m confronted with kids like you every day at work. Not face to face, they’re just names on a file. But when you see all the shit they’ve been through, and still are going to go through, the least you can do is to help them.” Samuel started to play with the pen, softly taping it again the paper. “At some point, you have to suck it up and just find the right balance between caring too much and not caring at all, because as much as I’d want to, I can’t protect them all. I can’t give them all a house and a family. But I can do that for you.”

There was a short silence. Zero rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “Just so we’re clear, I’m not gonna cry,” he said, which seemed to amuse Samuel. “But… yeah. Thanks, I guess.” 

*

Lionel knocked on the door before entering. Jude was lying on his bed, apparently deep in thought.

She considered the discarded Sci-Fi book next to him and quirked a brow. “Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She shrugged and left the doorway to get closer. “Dunno. You look tired. Plus, it’s been a while since you’ve been on your own.”

“That is very subtle of you, thank you,” Jude replied sarcastically.

Lionel gave him a look. She tossed a strand of her hair behind her ear, then sat at the foot of the bed. “You know what I mean, come on. I don’t want you to stay here, _brooding_.”

Jude lifted himself up and leaned his back against the headboard. “I’m not brooding.”

“I know how you work, Jude.”

“Lionel, I swear, I’m _fine._ If anything, I’m glad Zero is busy getting himself acquainted with his family. You don’t have to find activities to keep me busy,” Jude said, sincere.

The best thing he could have hoped for was his boyfriend finally finding people who would love him and support him. Zero deserved the world and there were things that he couldn’t give him as his boyfriend. He knew it was probably too late to ever make up for all the years of mistreatment and the abandonment issues he had developed, but he wanted to believe that it was perhaps possible to appease them. Call it naïveté or hope.

Lionel hummed in response. “You seem to forget, honey, I’ve spent a significant amount of time on my own till you came back. I know how that feels, to be left to your own thoughts in this house.”

Her stepson watched her carefully, as she was smoothing her dress on her lap. “Why did you stay? …With Oscar?”

When she had arrived, she was the last of a list of conquests that had never stayed long, either in Jude’s life or in the house. There had been Chrissy, Natalia, Kendra, Courtney, Yolanda.  All generally blonde and probably had the same plastic surgeon. Jude didn’t know how he figured out that Lionel was different the first time she walked in. Maybe because he had just ripped his knee open and her first reaction was to ask him if he was okay, as opposed to Oscar taking a phone call. He had always asked himself this simple question, _why_ , but never actually meant to say it out loud; perhaps because he didn’t feel ready to hear the answer just yet. But now that was different. Maybe it was just all the fuss about Zero’s birth mother Allie, maybe not.

Lionel looked in the distance. “Pete and I, we were never truly happy. It always felt like there was something missing, something off. After about five years, we were running in circles, but I wasn’t willing to admit it. I’ve never been really good at acknowledging failure, so I dragged it out. I wanted to try, and try, and try again. And maybe Pete was just too tired, too worn out, to simply tell me that it wouldn’t work out.” She let out a brief sigh, and her look fell to her knees. “At some point towards the end of our marriage, I got pregnant, a baby girl. I thought it was a sign that things _would work out,_ that we were meant to be, meant to be a couple, meant to be a family, a real happy one. And then…” She gestured vaguely.

Jude crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning closer to her. “How did it happen?” he asked quietly.

She shrugged. “No one was really able to give me an answer. It just happened, that’s what they said. I didn’t want Pete to stay with me out of pity. I didn’t want him to stick around just because of what could have happened if things had worked out. I came back from the hospital and I filed for divorce.”

Jude had never exactly done research on his stepmom, although he’d known since the beginning that he could find whatever he was looking for in the newspapers. Her divorce had been all over the news. With time, he had just assumed that Pete was the one who had filed for divorce, mostly because he truly thought she was still hopelessly in love with him, which only made his questioning about Oscar even more relevant.

Lionel eventually looked at him. “I wasn’t planning anything serious with Oscar, at first. Not really a booty-call, rather a distraction. I had been single for over a year and I needed to be taken seriously. After all, I had a reputation,” she said with a chuckle, and Jude smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oscar himself didn’t really appear like someone who was looking forward to settle down again, so it was fine. But then, I met the most beautiful and sweetest kid in the world.”

Jude snorted and shook his head. “Stop that, it’s not true.”

“Who said I was talking about you?” Lionel scoffed, and her stepson gave her slap on the arm, making her laugh. “You really were that sweet. There was something sad in you, and after only an afternoon, I just thought that… yeah, I didn’t want you to live with some girl named Trichelle or Trixie.”

“But you could have found someone better. Someone who would treat you better than dad does,” Jude said. If it wasn’t for him, maybe she wouldn’t have had to settle for someone who barely gave two shits about her.

She sighed again and patted his knee. “Maybe, maybe not. Your father and I reached an agreement years ago and trust me, we’re very much fine with that.” She stood up from the bed and after a light ‘anyway!’ she was about to exit the bedroom when she turned back. “Dr. Jenkins called, by the way. He wanted to remind you of your appointment.”

Jude raised his eyebrows. “A month before?”

Lionel shrugged. “Perhaps he’s just that cautious. Remember how it went last year?”

Jude pouted. “I was busy,” he mumbled.

His stepmom gave him a scolding look. “Jude, it’s important, you know that.”

*

“You realize we have to step out of here at some point, right?”

“I don’t want to,” Zero complained, his face buried in Jude’s neck.

Jude laughed. He was supposed to get ice cubes from the freezer when Zero had popped up behind him after closing the kitchen door with a devilish smile on his face, then proceeded to corner him against the kitchen elements and _devour_ his neck and face. The door had no lock and they could distinctly hear their friends loudly talking in the living room, and it was just a matter of time before Derek starts asking what the hell was taking so long. Jude let out a stupid giggle when Zero tightened his arms even more around him, playfully trapping both of Jude’s arms to prevent him from getting away. Since Zero had moved out from the Kinkades, they were a _tiny bit_ all over each other every time they were in an empty room – and sometimes, not even _that_ empty. He was reaching for his lips when the door of the kitchen eventually opened, forcing Zero to part at least a little from his boyfriend. Jude met with the surprised glance of Jesse, Raquel’s boyfriend.

“Terrence told me to get the snacks,” he simply mumbled, looking somewhere else.

Zero’s look went from Jude to Jesse, quite a few times. Ever since he entered the picture, there was something between Jude and Jesse hanging in the air, and he didn’t like that. He wasn’t jealous. Because, well, yeah, _no_. But it was more like they were just pretending to like each other when in fact they really _did not_ , and Zero could do nothing but just stare at them with a considering look, mostly because Jude had never said more than a few words about it. That and the fact that Jesse was typically one of those guys who was just pretending to be fine with two guys dating.

Jude cleared his throat. “Yeah, I should probably get the ice cubes.”

Zero released his grip on him and Jude opened the freezer while Jesse was busy gathering various bags of crisps and snacks. The kitchen was silent for a second, then someone shouted Jude’s name from the living room – Raquel.

“I’m coming,” Jude shouted back while exiting the kitchen with a bowl full of ice cubes under Jesse's glance. Zero was glaring at the guy when Jude turned towards him, standing in the doorframe. "Yeah, I'm coming babe," the baller said, following him.

Jude quirked an eyebrow after they left the kitchen. " _Babe?_ Doesn't sound like you."

"Yeah, well, I'm tryin' a new style. You don't like it?" Zero smirked, wrapping an arm around Jude's shoulders.

They joined the living room where the rest of the gang was sprawled on the couches, cushions and various armchairs. The Kinkades might be clearly wealthier, although Jude felt slightly awkward when someone like _Kyle_ felt entitled to bring it up, but Terrence's parents had a thing for sports that had motivated them to buy a TV bigger than a wall in most people's homes. They had gathered there to watch the opening of the 2018 All-Stars Game. The girls made no mystery that they came in large part to be with their friends and boyfriends and that no one should expect them to react with enthusiasm towards the game – hence why their pals were there, to do all the talking they didn’t want to do. Jude relaxed his back against Zero's chest when they settled on the carpet. Derek and Terrence were still trying to share some of their excitement with their girls, when his boyfriend playfully tousled his hair with a grin, arguing that at least he did not have that kind of trouble with his boy. Jude groaned as he took Zero's hand away from his hair, but the soft blush of his cheeks was only proving that Zero getting more and more confident in front of their friends made him, perhaps not proud, but at least _stupidly happy_.

The night was fun and entertaining, mostly because the game was incredible and the girls seemed to be in a teasing mood. Feeling the warmth of Zero’s body against his back, and the way the baller was absentmindedly rubbing Jude’s chest with his thumb ever since they had intertwined their fingers, Jude felt at ease like he had rarely been in his whole life. And yes, he did spend a significant amount of time during the game picturing Zero on the Court. Every move he was seeing, every star player showing off, was sending him back either to ‘he can do that too, I saw it the other day’ or ‘he could totally master this’. He thought about their future, like a thousand times already, but it was perhaps the first time it felt so true, so real, as if it could happen any day now. After the game ended, they continued debating over the best moves, best moments, – and best players, although that was a no-way zone since Derek never admitted anyone _but_ James –, until Raquel asked Jesse to take her home and Kyle took the same ride. Zero and Jude departed not long after, and the baller also gave his boyfriend a ride home. One thing led to another, and it was well past 1am when Zero made it back to his house, only to find a very upset Allie apparently waiting for him, sitting at the bottom of the staircase.

“Where the hell have you been?” she hissed as soon as he stepped inside and closed the front door behind him.

Zero furrowed his brows, looking at her as if a second head had popped up on her shoulder. “At Terrence’s,” he simply replied, like she actually knew Wall, and in a larger measure, all of their hanging out habits.

Allie stood up, her hands falling on her hips. “Oh, really? Because I can remember pretty well that you were supposed to come back at 11, and I was already _really_ lenient here, given that you have school tomorrow!”

Okay, truth was, he had been at Terrence’s until after midnight, but then he had spent about an hour making out with Jude in the car in front of the Kinkades’ gate. And he may _,_ or _may_ _not_ , have given a blowjob at some point, but it’s not like he was going to confess that to anyone in this house. _Fuck._ Was she really serious? Like, _what_? He barely restrained a snort. “Come on, we just talked a bit after the game, no big deal,” he said, kicking off his shoes.

Allie motioned next to him. “When you’re late, and again, _you’re not supposed to be late_ , you _call_. I was worried sick!”

Zero glared at her. “Okay so now you’re the dutiful mother waiting for the prodigal son to come home? Just took you twelve years.”

He didn’t have time to blink before Allie’s hand hit his cheek, startling him more than it actually _hurt_ him. Her mouth had dropped open but there was no words coming out, just a horrified look on her face. He might have actually laughed, if he had seen her like that in any other circumstances. Instead, his jaws clenched and his lips curled into a joyless smile as he looked at her, unfazed. “Don’t flatter yourself, it’s not the worst I received”, he said sarcastically.

“Zero-”, she tried, but he just bypassed her and headed upstairs without looking back.

He had no idea why he hadn’t just put his damn shoes back on and slammed the door behind him. When he reached his bedroom, he found the room dark and quiet, and rested his back against the closed door. He had done nothing wrong. She fucking knew he was with his friends. He wasn’t even _drunk_ or _high._ Neither he nor the Lexus had a single scratch. He wasn’t the perfect teenage son, and he would never be. But he wasn’t going to be fucking yelled at for missing curfew. He wasn’t someone who had a curfew _in the first place_. He remained there for a moment, running his fingers through his hair in the dark, before eventually searching for his phone in one of his jean pockets.

            **Zero:** _I got scolded. Can you believe that?_

The answer came shortly after he had fired the text.

            **Jude:** _Welcome to the mommy world_

            **Zero:** _I was fine in the Kinkade one_

The fact that he had to complain to his boyfriend about his mother through texts, that they had to be in a fucking car to make out and that he had broken a curfew he didn’t even know he _had,_ were only proving that he may have become what people would assume was a regular teenager with very average teenager problems, but it wasn’t for the best, at least not from his point of view. He eventually stood up after a minute or two, assuming that Jude had probably fallen asleep, and prepared to go to bed. He was putting his phone on the nightstand when he received a text from Jude, more specifically, a pic from his abs.

            **Jude:** _The Kinkade world is still here, in case you doubted it_

Zero laughed silently, fired some half-cheesy _,_ half-cocky comment, and eventually lied down, falling fast asleep.

Okay. Yeah.

He was clearly better in the Kinkade world.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! thank you so much for sticking with me until now! :D  
> your comments and feedbacks mean a lot, thank you so much for taking the time to read me!!

“Good morning sunshine,” Zero grinned as Jude was getting out of the pool, water rushing down his body.

Jude beamed, chuckling adorably. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my man,” the baller replied as he was draping a towel around Jude’s neck, pulling him closer for a kiss that had the taste of chlorine.

Jude pretended to wrap his arms around Zero. “If you want to get wet, I can fix that, you know.” 

His boyfriend jumped back. “Don’t you dare!” making Jude laugh.

They started to head side by side towards the locker room when the change of lighting between the two spaces made Zero frown as he looked at Jude. His eyes were a vibrant red, making a weird mix with his normal hazel. “You look exhausted. Are you sure that much practice is even _legal_?” Ledermann had put up a daily routine that looked awfully like what military camps were making their younger trainees do.

Jude shrugged. “That’s fine, it’s just chlorine.” Then added after a second: “And maybe still the booze from the other night.”

Zero snorted and shook his head. Derek’s birthday had fallen on a Tuesday, and it had been decided that they would make a pre-party on the exact day and just keep the heavy drinking for the weekend. Well, at least that’s what had been decided, but it looked like it was just a pretext, like every year since they were 16 (or actually 15 but who cares), to drink twice. Zero, as always, had declined, but his friends were so used to his little saying (‘Booze makes people do shitty things’), that they had only offered it out of politeness. But Jude didn’t decline. Zero had long noticed that his boyfriend had a drinking problem, in the way that he was fine most of the night and then, one more cup and he was gone. It was hell to tell where his limit actually stood. With Ledermann’s military routine on top of that, it didn’t need much for Jude to be wasted: at 10 pm, Zero was already trying to sober him up as much as possible to prevent him from pissing off Lionel. Although he was still bitter about last time after the night at Terrence’s, Zero honored curfew but didn’t say a word to either Samuel or Allie as a sign of protest – which was childish, but he was using the weapons he had, right?

While Jude was drying himself off and getting dressed, the conversation drifted on to various other subjects. Eventually Jude asked how it was going with Allie. Truth was, she felt so guilty about the slap after the night at Terrence’s that he could have easily gotten away like it, but he wasn’t such a sociopath to play that card. Instead, he arranged to leave early the following morning, before she could really start talking; and later the same day, after he had gotten home, he deflected the subject by saying ‘Just forget about it, okay?’ Since then, Allie seemed to have finally accepted to leave it at that. Zero didn’t even know if she told Samuel. Probably, since they were pretty close. Not at all like Oscar and Lionel.

When they stepped out of the locker room before first period, Jude and Zero were joined by Kyle and Ahsha. The two girls commented on Raquel’s absence since the day before, and speculated on the hypothetical breakup of Raquel and Jesse. It had apparently happened at some point during Derek’s birthday, but no one actually saw the fight or heard its actual context. Still, Jude couldn’t find it in himself to get _sad_ about it; their relationship had lasted for a little more than a month but it had felt like a whole year of ass-grabbing and asshole behavior. Even Derek and Terrence started to find the guy slightly annoying. Not to mention Jelena’s obvious coldness and the occasional eye-roll she was sharing with Jude. He had begun to feel guilty, however, when he heard that Jesse was – at least supposedly – the one who ended things. He fired a text to Raquel to enquire about her. By lunch, she eventually replied that she was not feeling well, some “flu” thing. He wasn’t exactly buying it, but that’s all he could do right now. Nonetheless, he planned to drop by her house after last period.

“I should start wearing a shirt with _stop worrying_ plastered all over it,” Zero teased him, as he caught him off guard at the end of last period. “But that would imply that you look at me, and I feel slightly overlooked these days.”

Jude snorted. “I look at you all the time”. That was an understatement; he damn near literally had his eyes glued to his boyfriend. And that was perhaps for the best that in the end, they shared absolutely no classes together. It’d be beyond embarrassing if the teacher was actually noticing it. What could he do though? It wasn’t like he could resist those cheekbones.

Zero’s cheeky smile disappeared. “No seriously. She’s fine, don’t worry,” he said, gesturing from his chin towards Jude’s phone still in his hand. “Everybody gets a broken heart at some point. She’ll survive it.”

Jude furrowed his brow. He didn’t know whether or not he should worry about the fact that his boyfriend knew him so well only five months into their relationship. "Do you plan on breaking mine? Because as far as I know I never had one and I'm not really looking forward to it," Jude replied dryly.

Zero gave him a slap at the back of his head. "Shut up, stupid.” Jude laughed. He reached for his hand and pulled him closer for a quick kiss, then another, then a third. “You’re making me late, Kinkade,” Zero beamed against his lips. They finally parted and Zero walked to practice while Jude headed to the Saldanas’. He knew that at this hour, it was more than likely Raquel was alone; her mother was a surgeon and her father was a reporter, probably two of the busiest people he had ever met – beside his father, of course.

Jude reached the front door, but despite his various attempts at ringing and knocking, the door remained closed, and the house silent. He sighed, then took his phone out and dialed Raquel’s number. She answered at the fourth ring. “Do you plan on letting me die of old age at the front door?” he joked.

“Sorry, I didn’t know it was you”, she mumbled on the other side. “Give me a second.”

She hung up, and few seconds later the front door opened. His friend looked slightly pale and she was wearing sweatpants. She still had her phone in one hand when she took a step back to let him in. He wouldn’t say he knew the house better than his own, because it’d be an obvious lie, but he had no trouble recollecting several memories he had from his childhood. Not many, but that was still something.

Jude frowned a little. “Are you okay?” he asked. She looked like she had been crying, rather than slowly dying from the flu. He had guessed right.

She ran a hand through her dark hair. “So, everybody’s already talking about it?”

Jude considered the two answers he could give and decided to go with the truth. “People are talking. They always do. I don’t care about rumors; I just came to check on you.”

She had a smile, but there were tears gathering in her green eyes. Not gonna lie, it broke Jude’s heart. Raquel looked off in the distance, and blinked a couple of times to make the tears go away. “I broke up with Jesse. Or. Rather, _he_ broke up with _me,_ ” she huffed in a breath.

Jude sighed, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come on,” he said while they headed into the living room together. They sat on the couch and remained silent for a little while. “Is this the moment where I'm supposed to say he's an asshole?” he asked, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

Raquel snorted, rubbing an eye with the sleeve of her hoodie. “Don't bother, I know you've never liked him.”

He raised a hand. “Guilty. But don't tell me he was a fan of mine either, come on. He's the one who started to glare at me, I just caught up.”

She shook her head and tucked her legs against her chest, looking anywhere but in Jude’s eyes. After a moment, she finally lifted her pretty gaze on him. “It's… kind of my fault.”

Jude tilted his head to the side, frowning. “Raquel…”

She bit her bottom lip. “I... I told him we slept together.” 

Jude’s eyes widened. “What? Why did you do that?”

Raquel tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, her eyes glued to the couch. “Because I didn't want to tell him I was a virgin. The first time we had sex, he asked me if I was but he was too drunk to really notice. I just- I just said that we had slept together. He saw us kiss at my birthday party, so he just bought it.”

Jude threw his head back on the edge of the couch with a loud sigh. “Raquel, you know I'm gay right? _Everybody knows_. That's the whole point of me coming out with _Zero_.” _My boyfriend_ , he added internally, but he figured it was perhaps not a good idea to bring that up right now, given the circumstances.

“Yeah, well. Jesse already had some trouble picturing you as the gay type, for that matter. I guess I just made it worse... I'm sorry,” she sniffled.

At least now, all the glances and the weird behavior was more understandable. Not that it made Jesse any more likeable – he was still an asshole. Jude was about to ask what the hell she meant by ‘not the gay type’, when tears filled her eyes again, and started to roll down her cheeks. She buried her face in her knees and Jude’s reflex was to hug her. “Hey, it's okay. It's no big deal. You shouldn't cry over him, I mean, he's a total jerk.”

She kept crying a little longer, her tears dampening his shirt when she leaned in his arms. The sounds that were coming from her mouth where a mix of sobs, words not even remotely understandable, and a huge amount of syllables he couldn’t get. He softly took her by the shoulders to pull her away. “Hey, Raquel, look at me. Take a deep breath, okay? I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

She did as told; the first two breaths she took ended in sobs, but on her third attempt, she managed to get enough oxygen to finally let out a full sentence.

“I'm pregnant.”

Jude looked at her, blinking a couple of times.

_Holy fuck._

*

Zero unenthusiastically played with a piece of food on his plate for a while, but there was nothing he could do to force himself to eat. The two or three days leading up to his very first family reunion, he had barely slept at all. His stomach was a fucking knot and if he was _absolutely_ honest, he had frankly been on the verge of throwing up when the guests started to arrive.

Allie reconnected with her family shortly after meeting Samuel, seven years ago, and Zero could only imagine how thrilled her parents had been – _his_ _grandparents_ – to see that their precious daughter finally found her way back to a proper and well-settled life and with a lawyer, on top of that. When Allie told her son that she was planning on hosting a family reunion to celebrate his return, he honestly thought this was a joke, even started laughing before meeting her very serious expression. She told him that since he was part of the family now, he would have to meet them at one point. If it wasn’t for his return, it would be for another occasion like a birthday or some other event anyway.

The dining table of the Hipwells was at its maximum capacity, the guests filling the house with conversations, happy squeals of the kids echoing from the living room, laughs and tinkling of glasses and plates. Samuel and Allie, as the perfect hosts they were, were sitting at each end of the table. At Samuel’s right, his sister, Karen, and at his left, their mother, Isobel. Their father, Jeremy, had passed away when he was in college. Karen was divorced and had three children. Jamie was a thirteen-year-old girl, who had been _very_ disappointed to be sent to the living room with her younger relatives, and thus deprived of the opportunity to stare at Zero with heart eyes all the way through dinner; then came Scott, who looked more reserved and was a quiet ten-year-old who had spoken barely two words, and finally Heather, who was seven years old, and looking apparently a little worried about the crowded house. The Hipwell side of the family was thus very small, compared to the _Willwight_ side. And frankly, even in Zero’s worst nightmares, he never imagined _this_. Next to Allie were seated, side by side, her parents. Connie Willwight was a nice looking lady in her fifties, with short, light-brown curly hair, who apparently decided that talking to Zero wasn’t against her beliefs; something that was all but what her husband was willing to try.

Richard _fucking_ Willwight.

Of _all_ the grandfathers in the _world_.

He, Zero, seventeen-year-old baller, reckless, cheeky, outspoken Zero, _bleached_ Zero, _bisexual_ Zero, had a _Marine_ for grandfather. And not just _some_ Marine, _no,_ a fucking Lieutenant Colonel, Republican, a pure product of the fucking WASP culture. Probably preaching against gun control. The man had spent a large part of the time since he arrived just glaring at him, and it was _not_ helping that Zero happened to be sitting right across the table from him. Richard was in his fifties as well, but looked slightly older, since his hair had already gone white. Zero suspected that the dirty blond hair he had himself inherited, was coming, along with those _fucking blues eyes_ , directly from him.

 _Fuck_.

He wasn’t the only one who had inherited those fucking family features though. Most of his aunts and uncles had as well – including Allie, although he had learned that she was dying her hair. Because _of course_ , Allie had to be from a large family. Her eldest brother, Benjamin “Benji” Willwight, was the only one missing. At 34, he was the pride of his father and had been recently deployed for another mission on the other side of the world – Samuel talked about the Middle East. Benji’s relationship with Allie had greatly suffered from Zero’s birth, since Allie never completely forgave him for not stepping up for her when their father threw her out. But at least most of the time they succeeded in remaining cordial and even entertained the occasional conversation.

Three more siblings were linked to the Marines. Celia was 31 and came after Allie; she was single and a jurist for the military forces. Aaron had been a soldier for a while before returning to the civil life as an accountant; he was 29 and was married to Rachel – next to him – and together they had welcomed a baby boy named Teddy over a year before. Robbie was 26 and an engineer for the military forces; big shoulders, big smile, big mouth. Everything about him was square, from his shoulders to his jawline. He had started to date a girl named Tracy a while ago, an intern from some hospital downtown, but apparently he was not yet ready to introduce her to the rest of the family. Zero had barely restrained a groan at that. At least he wouldn’t have been the only one to fry under Richard Willwight’s X-Ray vision. The last one of the Willwights was Candace; she was 21, didn’t really know what she wanted to do for a living and had started to follow psychology courses after an attempt at journalism school. She looked a little over-confident and talkative, but Zero could already hear Jude’s comment on the matter. _Really? Don’t you think she looks a_ tiny bit _like my over-confident boyfriend?_  

Zero sat between Allie and Candace, but since Allie was mostly busy with the food, he was left to his own devices. He did not talk much, in the end. The conversations were mostly about people he didn’t know or simply things that didn’t concern him. The lack of Benjamin’s private life outside of his job seemed to be a recurring worry of Connie’s. “He’s never going to get married if he never settles down,” she muttered regrettably at one point.

When his uncle Aaron – no, he was not going to get used to that anytime soon – asked him if he was into sports, Zero politely replied he was a baller.

“He’s a very gifted player,” Allie added with an encouraging smile, when she came back from the kitchen.

“Are you planning to apply for a scholarship for college?” Celia asked, while Teddy was happily squealing on the lap of his grandmother Connie.

He nodded. “If I can get one, yeah.”

“Aaron got one for baseball,” Connie smiled.

Robbie snorted. “You mean that they were in such a desperate need for players that they recruited Aaron.”

“Eh. Watch your words,” Aaron retorted.

Aaron and Robbie apparently had a habit of teasing each other most of the time, and their family had long stopped paying attention to them whenever they started. After a couple of exchanges, Zero did as everybody else and stopped listening to them. Rachel and her sister-in-law Karen were discussing the pros and cons of various activities for toddlers, while Celia, Samuel and his mother Isobel were discussing between themselves, something about a trial they had heard about. Candace was babbling with her mother and Allie, taking over most of the acoustic space of their end of the table. Even Richard started to talk with his son-in-law.

At some point, Laura came to their table and asked Zero to help her with some toy she received earlier from her grandmother – Connie was apparently the kind of grandmother to never arrive empty-handed –, and he chuckled when she let out a happy squeal. Allie had the decency not to make a comment but she clearly was hiding a smile. All in all, it was going mostly well until Richard decided to ask a question that was apparently _not_ a question.

He took a sip from his water glass before putting it back. “I assume you will change your last name, now that you are... here.”

Zero slowly lifted his eyes from his plate, quirking an eyebrow. Suddenly the conversations around seemed to fade away. “What's the big deal with mine?” he answered dryly. He was sick of getting judged by a fucking old man who never had the balls to deal with a damn _baby_.

“It's not my daughter's,” Richard replied coldly, as if he wasn’t really used to people questioning his decisions.

Zero wanted to laugh, but it was a bitter laugh. There was a worried look between Allie and Samuel. Allie cleared her throat, obviously feeling that the situation was going down the wrong road. “Dad, please-”

“Richard,” his wife said at the same time just as she was handing back little Teddy to his mother.

Richard glared at his daughter. “What, Allie? Wasn't it the point of all of this? To include your (Zero distinctively felt the word _bastard_ hanging up in the air)... _him_ in the family?”

“A name doesn’t make a family,” Samuel calmly pointed out.

“Well as far as I’m concerned, there are only Willwights and Hipwells under this roof,” Richard retorted.

Zero’s heart started to beat faster. _Asshole_ , _fucking, fucking asshole,_ he wanted to scream. But he was surprised to find out that he wasn’t the only one boiling. Allie visibly stiffened and was far from bowing her head down, and through his own anger, Zero could definitely understand how fast things must have escalated before his birth.

“ _Dad_ , don't start right now. Zero is keeping his name as long as he wants to, and I’m fine with it.”

Her father had gone livid. “I told you seventeen years ago that there will be no fucking Polack in this fa-”

“I don't give a fuck about your goddamn family name!” Zero barked, making the attention drift back on him.

“You will not speak to me like that, to begin with!” Richard growled.

Zero laughed bitterly. “If I agreed to come here, in this fucking house, it was certainly not to give you a reason to fucking judge me. The only reason why I accepted this fucking mess is because I wanted to stay with my boyfriend. Because _yes_. I'm a fucking bastard, I’m a fucking Polack, I'm a fucking baller, _and I fucking suck cock_.” There was a shocked silence around the table. “Will that be fucking enough for you to never talk to me _ever again_?” he snarled. He jolted off his chair to furiously stride out of the dining room and head upstairs, the door to his bedroom loudly slamming behind him.

Richard stood up as well, his chair loudly scrapping across the floor as he was throwing his napkin on the table. “We shouldn’t have come in the first place!” he grunted as he exited the dining room, quickly followed by his wife.

“Why did you have to bring that up now?” Connie stormed.

Richard started to put his jacket back on. “All I see when I look at him is that stupid young Polack all over again,” he blurted before stepping out of the house. “He’s just like him, Connie, just like him!”

Connie followed him outside as well, under the porch, and looked at him, clearly unimpressed by her husband’s tantrum. “Oh _really_? Because I think he looks an awful lot like you.” She sighed. “He looks like you, and Allie, and Benji, and Aaron, and _Robbie_! There's only so much of Brandon in him that we allow ourselves to see! He's your grandson, Richard, just like Teddy,” she said again as the front door was opening behind them.

Allie stepped outside, her arms crossed on her chest. “You want to go? Fine, leave. It's not going to be the first time you turned your back on me”.

Her words seemed to make Richard flinch a little. “Allie-”

She raised a hand to stop him from talking any further. “No, no, no, _you_ listen to me. Brandon was _my_ mistake. He wasn't my son's. Zero never deserved all the shit that had happened to him because of me, because of you, Dad. It's true no one wanted him in the first place. All these years I convinced myself that he was better off without me, and for you that he never even _existed_. But I got my life back, and so did you, and the only one who didn't get that chance was my boy. You want to know why I decided to take him back with me? Because I found out that the people I entrusted my five-year-old baby boy to, the people who were supposed to _take care_ of him better than I could, had been molesting him ever since I left him there. Now, look me in the eye and tell me that you think the kid who had been sitting in front of you today deserved any of this,” she bitterly dared him.

“Don’t put everything on me. It’s all because of that Waselewski boy,” Richard grunted.

There was a silence where Allie and Richard stared at each other, before she turned to her mother. “Mom, I was glad to see you. Have a nice trip back,” she said. And with that she left and got back inside.

*

“If you’re gonna ask me to apologize, the answer is _no,_ ” Zero snapped when the door of his bedroom opened after a small knock. He was turning his back on the door and wasn’t planning to move a single eyelid, at least at first. Except that the person who had entered the room wasn’t Allie, as he expected.

“Why are you trying so hard to piss him off?”

Zero blinked a couple of times and eventually turned around, while Samuel was sitting at the end of the bed. “I didn’t mean to. He _forced_ me to.”

Samuel sighed. He had undone at least one or two buttons on his shirt and rolled up the sleeves, as if Richard’s departure had allowed him to relax as well. “Richard is… quite something. When you’re not one of the ducklings, it’s very difficult to get his approval.”

The word duckling made him think about Kyle, and his friends, and his boyfriend, and his life, and suddenly, he was feeling annoyingly sad and awfully alone. All he wanted was to remain there, in this town; with his friends and basketball and Jude. That’s why he had surrendered. That’s why he let himself be convinced by Allie. It wasn’t for awkward family reunions. It wasn’t to cope with an obnoxious grandfather. None of this was supposed to ever happen to him because he had _no one._ And he was starting to think that maybe he was better off when he was alone; all by himself. Richard’s words hurt him more than he wanted to admit. He could fight against everything…Against the whole world, against abusive foster parents, against a crappy situation, against people looking down at him. But he couldn’t fight himself. He couldn’t fight the fact that he _was born._

Zero swallowed thickly and looked up at the ceiling. “I ain’t gonna make it easy for him, for any of them. No one made it easy for me,” he said, his voice no more than a whisper.

“Did you really need to bring your sexuality up, though?” When Zero glanced at him, Samuel had quirked a brow, but there was the shadow of a smile on his lips.

“I said the first thing that came to my mind. My boyfriend, Jude… He’s completely freaking out because his father would do what Richard did to Allie if he ever found out he was gay. And I don’t want that here. I’m tired of playing pretend,” he mumbled.

There was moment of silence, then Samuel stood up. When he was about to leave the room, he turned back. “Richard left, just so you know. If you want to come back downstairs, you can,” he simply said, closing the door behind him.

Zero remained sitting on his bed for at least a minute after his stepfather left. He assumed that if Samuel had not told him to come back to the table, it was only because he doubted he would even bother if he was given the order. So he just remained there, rolling over to get his phone, dialing Jude’s number as soon as he unlocked it.

Jude answered on the second ring, slightly surprised. “ _Aren’t you supposed to be with your family?_ ”

“I was. I’m just, y’know, taking a break,” Zero said, trying to sound convincing, but he could already imagine the frown on Jude’s beautiful face. There was a big possibility that he didn’t buy it at all.

And Jude didn’t fail. “ _What the hell happened today_?”

“Nothing...”

Jude scoffed. “ _Spill it_.”

Zero groaned and hid his face in the crook of his elbow. “I _may_ have yelled at my very military/republican/conservative/racist grandfather’s face that I was gay.”

Jude gasped on the other side of the line. “ _You did_ what _?_ _You- You’re not even_ gay _,_ _why would you even do that?_ ”

Zero groaned again. “I don’t know! To piss him off I guess. He was starting to talk shit about me and at some point I just wanted to… y’know, hit him back.”

“ _Don’t tell me-_ “

Zero lowered his arm and shot a look at the ceiling, since he couldn’t glare at his boyfriend. “ _No_ I didn’t punch him. It was a damn figure of speech, relax.”

Jude seemed to be cooling a little and let out a sigh, probably shaking his head. _“Is it the best strategy? To piss off the Chief of Clan?_ ”

“That’s what Samuel said,” Zero mumbled. “Are you _laughing_?”

There was fucking nothing funny about this messed up situation, he thought bitterly. His grandfather was an asshole who had a hold on the _whole_ family. Not that he cared that much about making the rest of them like him, but he didn’t want to be thrown out once again because he had somehow managed to convince Allie that it was a shitty thing to do taking him back.

Jude was now frankly laughing. “ _Nothing! It’s cool if you get along with Sam at least_.”

Zero absentmindedly rubbed his stomach. “Well, he’s not the one who abandoned me nor the one who preferred for me to not even exist, so I guess it’s easier,” he replied dryly.

Jude hummed in response. “ _You want to know what I think? I think you got yourself your own Lionel._ ”

Zero snorted. “You haven’t even met him.”

Jude chuckled. “ _I know but you still haven’t called him a ‘fucking asshole’. So I guess he must be at least kinda cool._ ”


	11. Chapter 11

Raquel came back to school a few days after breaking up with Jesse. Zero had not bothered to drop by, but he knew that Jude had, several times. Apparently, the flu thing was real, according to Jelena and Jude, which made Zero wonder about the pros and cons of his boyfriend standing by the bedside at the risk of his own health. Not that it was a _life-threatening_ virus, no, but still. He rather wanted to avoid his Jude getting that stupid flu, to the point where he started to become paranoid as hell, always convinced that Jude’s features looked perpetually worn out, to the latter’s irritation.

“Zero, I’m _fine_. Okay? If you don’t want me to go, just say so, but don’t find stupid excuses,” he hissed at one point, which had made Zero look at his shoes, embarrassed. He was the only person on Earth who could make him shut up, seriously. In the end, for once in his life, Zero did as he was told, and didn’t try to bring up the matter again. The last thing he wanted was to piss his boyfriend off. He also had his own stuff to worry about. Between the two lost games and his recurring troubles trying to fit in with the Hipwell family routine, he already had a lot going on.

Hence probably why he was the _only one_ who didn’t notice that, since the breakup between Raquel and Jesse, the tension within his group of friends had considerably increased.  Actually, it wasn’t until it finally blew up right in his face that he _did_ notice. Zero, Derek and Terrence were heading to practice when they literally fumbled into Ahsha. The smile on Derek’s face faded fast when he spotted a nervous look in his girlfriend’s eyes. Not to mention that she looked slightly disheveled, as if she had been running through the whole school. “You guys need to come right now.”

Derek frowned and pointed the door behind them. “We’re going to prac-”

“Jesse and Jude are fighting and it’s a fucking mess,” she cut him off in a hurry.

The eyes of the three ballers grew wide.

“ _What_?” Zero exclaimed as Ahsha was already turning back.

They started to hurry behind her, reaching the crowded hallway a few seconds later, where shouts and whispers were echoing all around. People were staring as if they were fucking turned on by the spectacle of two classmates throwing fists at each other, and Zero felt sick to his stomach long before he had even stepped in. Half of him couldn’t believe it was happening in the first place; the other half was just livid. If Jesse had only _dared_ to harm Jude- if he had only- _if his Jude had only a single scratch,_ he wouldn’t fucking be able to hold himself back, basketball be damned. He had to push his damn way through, and yes, somehow, he remained stunned and speechless for a second, only one second. Long enough to catch a glimpse of his Jude _beating_ the _shit_ out of Jesse _asshole_ Reed, _his Jude_ , and for a second, he was simply unable to move. All he could see was his _oh so sweet_ boyfriend leaning over Jesse, his fist crashing against the asshole’s face. Then the second passed, and he regained control of his body, but not quick enough to step in and do something before Coach Ledermann does. He grabbed his swimmer by the shirt to pull him off of Jesse, and Zero wondered how the hell that was even possible; Jude had fucking muscles and he was way taller than his Coach. But this thought soon died down as Zero caught Jude and firmly circled his arms around his waist.

“ _What the hell is going on here_?!” Ledermann shouted at the top of his lungs.

Jesse’s nose was bleeding and his cheek had apparently tasted Jude’s fist more than once, but it didn’t stop him from standing up in a jump. Derek stopped him with his arm just as he was taking a step in Jude’s and Zero’s direction. “He fucking attacked me, he’s a fucking psycho!” Jesse yelled.

“I fucking warned you, Reed,” Jude shouted back, and Zero had to literally _plant his feet on the ground_ to restrain his boyfriend from getting back in there.

“ _Enough,”_ Ledermann barked, then he looked around. “Everybody move!”

It took the other students a second to start moving again. Conversations resumed as they were starting to slowly walk away in various directions, still peeking over their shoulders to follow the last moments of the spectacle as Ledermann grabbed both Jesse and Jude by the shoulder with a “Principal’s office. _Now!”_ ’ that was clearly waiting no answer. Just like that, Jude slipped out of Zero’s arms, and he wasn’t even sure his boyfriend noticed he had been there at all, judging by the furious look on his face; and not even a spared glance behind him.

“Dammit,” Derek let out, still shocked, as the three ballers, along with Ahsha, were watching them head to the Principal’s office.

Terrence’s eyes went to one of the lockers on the wall that had apparently tasted either Jude or Jesse’s back; then glanced at Zero next to him. “I’d never even seen him hurt a fly before.”

_Me neither,_ Zero wanted to add, a worried frown on his face. What the hell was this all _fucking_ about? He knew Jude had never been a fan of Jesse’s but _man,_ he knew his boyfriend. Jude wasn’t a violent guy. Okay, maybe his mood had been slightly sulky these days, but _how_ was he supposed to imagine that _Jude_ would be beating the shit out of someone, _anyone,_ really? His Jude wasn’t a fighter, his Jude was a _mediator_.

Zero turned to his friends when they called his name. “Uh, tell the Coach something came up.”

The boys nodded and gave him a slap on the shoulder, and then left after he promised to keep them in touch with whatever would happen later. Ahsha joined the rest of the Cheerleaders for practice with an apologetic glance back, and Zero soon headed for the Principal’s Office. He sat in one of the plastic chairs displayed in the corner next to the office, and kept frowning and fidgeting until the door eventually opened, about fifteen minutes later. Jesse exited first, haughtily glaring at Zero when he stood up. His nose had stopped bleeding but his cheek was becoming a nice shade of purple. Zero cursed. It was well-deserved for all the asshole behavior, but if anything, it wasn’t working for Jude. It took five more minutes for Jude to be allowed to leave as well, closely followed by a still angry Coach Ledermann. Zero was almost surprised not to have him scold his boyfriend on top of everything else.

Zero motioned closer to Jude. “How bad did it go?”

“Detention. No suspension,” Jude mumbled, looking down to his hand. His knuckles had started to go from red to purple in various places, and he shoved it in his pockets under Zero’s glance. “Let’s get out of here,” the baller simply muttered as he started to walk away.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at practice right now?” Jude asked when they stepped outside.

“No, because my _boyfriend_ decided to smash someone’s head in,” Zero snapped, glaring at Jude. “What the hell happened? Why would you even do that? It’s not like you to do something like that!” _It’s something_ I _would do, for fuck’s sake_.

Jude let out a groan, as if he knew this would come up but still hoped it would not. Zero stopped walking and forced him to look him in the eye, putting his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders. “I’m serious!  Jude, what happened?” Then he remembered the multiple times where Jude and Jesse exchanged odd glares during lunchtime and when crossing each other in the hallway. “Did he say something to you? Did he do _anything_ to you? Because I can go in there and finish the job, even if he only _threatened you_ , I’ll just-”

Jude’s jaws clenched as he cut him off. “I can fight my own battles, just so you know,” he snapped back. “He’s treating Raquel like a piece of trash and I can’t just stand there and watch him destroy her. That’s all.”

He was still visibly upset. Zero was about to add something when he realized that it was perhaps not the best moment to argue about it.

“Go to practice. If they have already called Lionel, I should go home,” Jude grumbled in his breath.

“Jude-”, Zero tried, but Jude had already started to walk away.

*

Just as Jude expected it, the school wasted no time in calling his parents and it was a livid Lionel who was waiting for him to come home.

“Do you have anything to say in your defense?” she spat as soon as he crossed the threshold of the house. She had stormed out of the living room and was now crossing her arms on her chest.

“What do you want me to say?” Jude groaned, rubbing his bruised knuckles. “The guy is a fucking scumbag.”

“Language!” Lionel yelled. “Jude, I’m serious, you’ve never done that before!”

Jude shot her a look, spreading his arms. “So what, you expect me to just never step up even when I clearly need to?”

“There’s a huge difference between stepping up and getting yourself _this_ close to suspension!” Lionel barked, mimicking with her fingers as she was talking.

“I’ve never done that before, _as you said_. Don’t you think perhaps it might be for a good reason?” her stepson deflected bitterly.

“I don’t care about the reason, Jude! This is not the way you handle problems.”

He snorted. “No, you prefer throwing money at them.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!”

They both paused and Jude headed for the kitchen, shaking his head. Lionel followed him as he was retrieving a bag of ice-cubes from the freezer. Lionel watched him like a hawk while he applied the bag on his hand. “I’m worried Jude. Worried and _pissed_. Ever since you came back to this school, you’ve been acting a thousand miles away from your usual behavior. You’re skipping classes-”

“It was one time!” Jude yelled, frustrated. That one single time he had missed a class because of the Cafeteria Kiss had not cost him much in the moment because he had just texted that he wasn’t feeling well when Lionel asked him about it, but he should have known that it would come back eventually.

Lionel obviously ignored his interruption. “- _you’re skipping classes_ , you’re getting distracted, you’re coming home drunk as hell whenever you go out with your friends, and don’t get me started on _all the boundaries_ you never stopped crossing regarding Zero. Oscar will hear about your behavior if you don’t find a way to make it right and bring back at least a little bit of your old self!”

Jude furiously glared at her. She did not have the right to do that, for fuck’s sake. His father would only be too happy to send him away, even farther than before, if he was only given one good reason. The worst part was that he didn’t feel like he had done something wrong. Sure, he wasn’t so stupid to think that punching Jesse Reed wouldn’t get him in trouble _at all_ , but he had been so mad because of the way he ended things with Raquel, with the way he was treating her, with all those disgusting rumors he was spreading on his childhood friend; _man_ that was fucking sick. If there was a good reason to ever make someone taste his fists, well he assumed that this particular situation was one of them. “Maybe you’ve never, you or anybody else, tried to figure who the hell I really was,” Jude countered coldly.

Lionel’s jaw clenched as she rested her hands on her hips. “Fine. If you want to go down the road of the misunderstood teenager, I’ll play the part. You’re grounded. Now go to your bedroom and don’t you dare come out until I say otherwise.”

*

Kyle dropped herself down next to Zero on the wooden bench of the street basketball court. “What’s up, Blondie?” she asked nonchalantly, her hands shoved in the pockets of her varsity jacket.

Zero shrugged and kept staring at the ball between his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. Kyle nudged him with her elbow. “Did something happen with Jude? Rumor has it that he’s a little more twisted up than usual.”

Zero groaned and glared at her. He knew she was 1) fully aware of everything that had happened; and 2) doing this on purpose to force him to talk, but that was annoying as hell. “Jesse is an asshole. If it hadn’t been Jude, it would have someone else would have done it anyway.”

They remained silent for a moment, and Zero kept turning the ball, staring into the void. He eventually pinned the ball down between his lap and his left arm, and ran his hand through his blond hair with a sigh. “I’m freaking out. About Jude.”

“What about him?” Kyle asked.

He pressed his lips together, trying to come up with words that would reflect his state of mind. “I think… I think I’m a bad influence on him. Whatever is happening now, I feel like it’s because of me,” he said almost quietly.

Kyle shrugged. “Zero, he just threw a punch or two in the face of Jesse Reed, who’s a notorious fucker. You just said so yourself.”

“Yeah, but, it’s not just that, I mean… Before me, he never did that kind of stuff. He was just the perfect kid; the dream of every parent.”

Kyle sighed. “And Jude also ends up wasted after every party. Remind me how often you get wasted, exactly?”

“Never,” Zero admitted in a mumble.

“See? If someone’s a bad influence over him, it’s all of us. But I’m not even sure there’s such a thing to begin with,” she replied, the bubble of her chewing gum popping at the end of her sentence.

Zero looked at her. “How do you explain the last three months? Ever since Leo cut me, he had been completely on the loop about me, and my family, and the place I’d end up in, and that I would leave the city, and then trying to get me to see Allie, and then accepting Samuel, etc. etc. etc.…”

The enumeration was even more awful out loud. He might not be responsible for Jude’s heavy drinking but that was perhaps the only thing he had no hand in. He knew he worried the shit out of his boyfriend – even before they became actual boyfriends – since day 1, and Jude was already someone sensitive. Not in the way that he was on the verge of crying every time someone was yelling at him, no, but in the way that he just kept thinking over and over _and over_ again about stuff that was bothering him – and even his boyfriend, to some extent. It was a surprise that he had gotten any sleep at all since December.

Kyle took her hand out of her pocket and replaced a strand of her blond hair behind her ear. “Look. There’s only one way to figure out whether or not something’s wrong. Just ask him. Talk to him.”

Zero shook his head. “He never wants to talk about himself seriously with me. Every time, he just dodges the questions.”

“Yes but he had never actually smashed someone else’s head in before either. I think you should try; a heart to heart kind of thing. Maybe he’s just having some serious stuff going on,  on his side. Objectively, it’s true there’s been a lot of ‘Zero’ in his life lately, maybe you should just try to have him open up.”

Zero remained silent and started fiddling again with the ball. He kept thinking about it through the whole night. Allie was apparently dying to ask what happened, but judging by the somewhat scolding looks she was receiving from Samuel, Zero assumed that his stepfather was trying his best to ease the situation by holding back Allie as much as possible. In order to prevent the situation from derailing, he simply replied at one point that he was getting stressed out because of basketball – his go-to answer. She didn’t look convinced, but she finally left it at that. After dinner, he called Jude, only to be told that he was grounded. Not just grounded, _grounded_ , as in ‘forbidden to go to some party’, but grounded as ‘tutoring sessions are suspended and Lionel said she would kick your ass if she sees you around the house.’ At least they could see each other at school, which was still something, as Jude pointed out. Zero desperately wanted to bring up Jesse and what the hell had happened earlier, but he didn’t know how to do that, at least diplomatically. After a few minutes of rattling his brain, he decided to go for it anyway. “Is your hand okay?” he eventually asked.

Jude groaned on the other side of the line. “ _Guess so. It hurts a little but I’ll survive_.”

“So will Reed,” Zero pointed out.

_“Can you just not mention his name right now?”_ Jude grumbled.

Zero slipped an arm behind his head. “Will you tell me what happened?”

_“I told you already.”_

“No, what you told me is that he treated Raquel badly. You didn’t tell me what he did to _you_.”

_“Wouldn’t you be the first one throwing fists if Kyle was getting fucking slut-shammed by her ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be a douchebag?”_

“Maybe but-”

“ _Great, so you do get it. Look, I need to wake up early tomorrow, I have practice. I’ll see you before first period.”_

Zero tried his best not to feel too hurt by Jude’s cold behavior, but if anything it gave him even more food for thought. The whole day kept replaying over and over again in his head during most of the night, he was restless, and when he eventually _did_ manage to fall asleep, he was woken up in a jolt when his phone slipped from his hand and crashed on the ground; probably giving him a heart attack in the process. It was an understatement to say that he was _slightly_ on the edge when he headed downstairs for breakfast, especially since he missed the opportunity to wake up earlier than usual to visit Jude’s practice; and that he barely got two words from him when he finally caught him before first period. The entire day felt like it would never end. Coach Robertson summoned him during lunch time to talk about some strategy stuff regarding practice, and he got scolded like a damn kid because he wasn’t paying enough attention in history class – like he cared, either for the scolding or the course. By the time he got a sight of Jelena near her locker before practice, he was literally _pissed_.

“Okay, I’ve been patient long enough, now I need to know what the fuck is going on,” Zero hissed, standing next to Jelena’s locker as she was retrieving her duffle bag, probably to head to the cheerleading rehearsals.

She raised her cold (and always slightly annoyed) glance on him. “I don’t see what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the crap! Jude got into a fucking fight with Jesse, about _Raquel_ , and don’t tell me it’s just about those rumors. Spill the beans right now if you don’t want me to make a scene,” Zero snapped. He had no trouble using every weapon he had, including the fact that he could glare at her from what felt like the damn sky – seriously she was so _small_.

She seemed to be considering her options then turned towards him, resting an elbow on the side of her locker and her left hand on her skinny hip. “ _Fine._ I’ll tell you what I know so far but only because I don’t approve of what’s going on,” she eventually said after a long pause, while Zero was still boiling inside.

His eyes narrowed, and he furrowed his brow, trying to invite her to _fucking. spill. the. beans._ Jelena discreetly glanced around. “Raquel’s pregnant. Jesse dumped her when he found out.”

Zero raised an eyebrow. He had not expected that. Although he wasn’t sure what else it could have been. He just felt it smelled fishy, but not _that_ fishy. That sucked, and he couldn’t help but wince. “So that’s why _my_ Jude got into a fight?” he asked.

Jelena groaned. “Well, clearly, your Jude had not been overjoyed when he _did_ find out, to say the least, but I’d say he lost it when he heard that Jesse started to tell everyone that Raquel was a slut to cover his ass.”

It was Zero’s turn to groan this time. Yeah, it sounded an awful lot like _his Jude_. So damn caring that it was getting him all twisted up in a split second. He frowned. “You said you were not thrilled about what’s going on. Is there anything more I should know about?”

Jelena looked around again and ran her fingers through her smoothed hair. “Look, you should talk to your boyfriend. It’s not my place to tell the rest.”

Zero had a ‘ _ah, ah, ah_ no’ kind of laugh and folded his arms. “You aren’t seriously expecting me to stop asking?” he sneered. “I’ve been asking Jude over and over again and all I managed to do was to piss him off! Just fucking spill with the facts.”

She glared at him. “Fine, but don’t blame the messenger,” she sighed again. “The Saldanas aren’t happy about the situation. Fact. They want her to abort. Fact. Raquel doesn’t want to. Fact. Her parents think that they’re right, partly because she doesn’t have a father for her baby. _Fact._ ”

Zero furrowed his brows once again. “What does it have to do with Jude?”

Jelena looked at him right in the eye, obviously waiting for the lightbulb as she slowly gestured from her hand. Zero’s eyes grew as wide as those of a cartoon character when he was hit by realization.

“Oh hell _no,”_ he yelled in a gasp, making people startle around him.

*

Zero loudly slammed the Kinkade’s door behind him. “ _JUDE ALEXANDER KINKADE,”_ he roared as he furiously jumped in the staircase. It wasn’t until he arrived and noticed that Lionel’s car was nowhere to be seen in the driveway that he realized he had no plan B in case she actually was home; but right now, it was pretty much the least of his worries. A clearly surprised Jude showed up from the upper floor.

“Jeez, what the h-”

“Can you fucking explain to me why you are telling Raquel's parents that _you_ are _the father of her baby_?!” Zero yelled, cutting him off as he had stopped halfway up the stairs. Even from where he was standing, he distinctively saw that Jude’s features went from dumbfounded to ready to fight, and _man_ he didn’t like that.

“They want her to abort. Reed-”

“Yes, I know that, because I had to beg _fuckin’ Jelena_ to tell me! So what? Jude, it's not your place to take the blame for Jesse's crappy behavior!” he kept yelling.

“She's my friend-”

“But you are my boyfriend,” he cut in once again, pointing at him then at himself to emphasize his point. “You don't think I something to say when my _boyfriend_ starts claiming that he got a girl pregnant?! What will you do when he's born? Share custody? Marry her?!”

Jude shook his head and started to head back to his bedroom. “Raquel is considering giving the baby up for adoption. I'm just giving her the possibility to choose.”

Zero ran up the other half of the staircase and strode behind him. “Jude this is insane, come on! Okay, it sucks for Raquel, but there’s a _huge difference_ between trying to convince her parents not to force her into doing something she doesn’t want to, and publicly acknowledging that _you_ _got her pregnant!_ ”

Jude turned to him. “Don't be so dramatic. No one will know about that beside her family, it's just to make her parents believe that she's got someone on her side.”

Zero snorted. “And you seriously think they will accept to keep their opinions to themselves with two teenagers rather than one?” He knew he was being an asshole, or at least that he sounded like one. But Jude needed to fucking realize that it wasn’t just about covering Raquel’s ass for skipping a damn class, it was accepting to become _a father at 17._ He was feeling sick to his stomach just at the thought of it.

“Okay, I have to do something, maybe that’s not the wisest thing ever, but I’m just trying to help her!”

Zero’s jaws clenched. “Is that all it is? You may not be her baby’s father, but don't you think you're getting _slightly_ too involved with Raquel?”

Something passed in Jude’s eyes, as he was folding his arms. “Are we seriously doing this?” he asked coldly.

“Doing what?”

“Having this conversation where you accuses me of not being gay enough when _you_ were doing girls till last year?” Jude snapped.

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Then tell me! Because as far as I’m concerned, you just said that I was ‘too involved’ with Raquel. So if that’s not about me falling for her in a very straight way, then tell me what this is about!” his boyfriend exclaimed.

“I’m fucking jealous, alright?” Zero eventually blurted. “I know you, Jude, you’re so damn caring, you're not just gonna sit around and wait. You’ll ask about her, and care about her, and the baby, and you’ll probably even help her choose a family and do all that stuff!”

It was Jude’s turn to snort this time, and it was by far the most painful reaction he had ever received from him. “So in short you’re getting jealous of a seventeen-year-old girl who got knocked up and is seeing her entire life and plans for the future _crumble,_ ” he summed up dryly.

Zero shook his head, struggling to find the right words. “I’m not- that’s not- I don’t want you to do all that stuff with her! I don’t want your first shot at fatherhood wasted on Jesse’s baby!”

“It’s not Jesse’s baby, it’s _Raquel’s_. This scumbag made it plain.”

Zero helplessly looked around. “That makes no difference! Now, to at least four people, if not more, it’s _yours_ as well! Jude you’re seventeen, and we’re in goddamn 2018! Can you just hear yourself?” he yelled again.

“What, you don’t think Allie would have been better off if someone had helped her out seventeen years ago?” Jude exclaimed in return.

Zero let out a loud breath, turning around for a second to ease it all, his breathing, his words… “Okay, Jude, hear me out. Raquel is _not_ Allie. Raquel’s baby _is not me_. The situations are totally different. Allie would have aborted if she had found out about me when it was still time.”

“Exactly. And we wouldn’t be having this conversation!”

Zero’s eyes widened. “You’re putting in question the very concept of _abortion_ , you know that, right? You can’t start thinking about the baby as someone who doesn’t even exist _yet_ , it’s insane!”

“I’m not questioning _abortion,_ ” Jude snapped back, and he looked slightly offended. “I’m just saying that if Raquel is trying to get a point across to her parents, I decided to help her out. I _know_ the baby isn’t you, but I just wonder what if Allie’s parents had not thrown her out? Maybe nothing would have happened to you!”

Zero pressed his lips together. He forced his voice to be calm and steady. “ _Jude_. Either I want it or not, my family (the word still brought a strange taste to his mouth) is a white, republican, wealthy, military family, who already don’t deal with _polish descendants_. Do you seriously think that if the Willwights had accepted me as a baby in their family, I’d be with you right now? I’d be closeted _as fuck._ And I would probably never have admitted I wanted to kiss a guy, let alone have sex with him. I _do have_ a shitty past. But I love my life as it is now. It took me sixteen awful years, but I’m happy as I am now; because I have you, because I have Basketball, because I am who I am. All I’m saying is, you can help Raquel with her parents but it doesn’t mean you have to take the blame for Jesse. Jelena is going to help her as well and you don’t hear her bragging about knocking her up, as far as I know.”

Jude looked away for a moment, then back at him. His face was still awfully cold, but at least neither of them were shouting anymore. (Though Zero didn’t know if that was a good thing.) “I thought you knew at least a few things about basic human biology. Like, the difference between men and women,” Jude sarcastically replied.

Partly because he was starting to feel guilty about his outburst, partly because he was feeling overly uncomfortable with invisible daggers exuding from Jude and threatening to cut him open, he decided to raise a white flag and pressed a hand on his chest. “Ouch. That hurts,” Zero said with a sorry smile.

There was a short silence and Jude shook his head. “What did you threaten her with?” he asked.

“Who?”

“Jelena.”

Zero shrugged and dared to step closer from Jude. “Nothing. She told me she didn’t approve of your decision to claim the baby and I think she knew I wouldn’t either,” he admitted, sincere.

Jude pressed his lips together and rubbed the back of his neck. “Does it really sound that awfully stupid?” he asked almost quietly.

The electricity that was filling the room a minute before had started to dissipate, and Zero felt slightly emotionally drained. “No. It just sounds awfully like you,” he replied. Jude exhaled and sat on his bed. Zero suddenly didn’t know what to do anymore. He was equally convinced that he had overreacted and that he had been reacting with just the right amount of fury. How could he go on from there, when he was so conflicted? Zero eventually took the opportunity and sat next to him. They remained silent for a moment.

“I haven’t told them yet,” Jude said quietly. “Raquel’s parents. I haven’t told Raquel either for that matter.”

Zero groaned and dropped himself on his back, hiding his face in his elbow. “You could have bothered to tell me this piece of information beforehand. Like, before I start yelling at you like a lunatic.”

Jude had a scoff. “As if it would have stopped you.”

Zero bit back a smirk. “Probably not, because you do need to hear what it looks like from the outside. But I might have sugar-coated that at least a little,” he replied.

Jude shook his head and sighed, then dropped himself on his back next to Zero. The baller felt a soft warmth in his chest when he reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. He knew the situation wasn’t even remotely cleared. He knew that Jude still probably had the intention to make this work out, one way or another, and that throwing himself under the bus didn’t look like it was bothering him. He knew all of this. But deep down, it didn’t make him love him any less.

 


	12. Chapter 12

“Are you sure this is how it’s supposed to… _be_?”

Zero looked up at Jude with a laugh. “How would I know? I never did that before.”

Jude gave a considering look between his boyfriend and the tent. “We should ask Terrence. He knows a thing or two about camping.” He was about to walk away when Zero caught him with one arm.

“No, he’s gonna make fun of us,” Zero protested.

Jude snorted and patted his boyfriend’s arm around his waist. “You grew up with no family and I’m snobby. It’s gonna be fine.”

Zero groaned but let him go nonetheless. Jude walked away, calling out for Terrence, while the blond was looking up at the sky filtering through the trees high above them. No one had expected it would get this hot in so little time, but the fact that the good weather was coinciding with Spring Break was for the best. The last few weeks had their share of heavy atmosphere, between a sick and pregnant Raquel still at war with her parents, and a Jude still at war with Jesse Reed and still grounded.. – and also a Zero who was starting to get seriously worried about what next year would bring; although he kept that for himself. Up until the night before, Jude was still officially not allowed to go anywhere, let alone camping with his buddies and boyfriend in the middle of nowhere, and he wasn’t expecting Lionel to eventually allow him to go. Earlier in the morning, Jude had been surprised to find Zero in a huge Jeep Compass he had never seen before.

“What the hell is _that_?” he had asked, furrowing his brow as he opened the passenger door.

A huge grin shown on Zero’s face. “Samuel’s toy when he’s not driving his car. He said I could borrow it.”

Jude had a chuckle as he was climbing on the passenger’s side. “Okay, clearly he loves you then,” he had said before reaching for a kiss.

He pretended not to notice Zero’s look when his eyes fell on the slightly loose tank-top Jude was wearing, and bit back a smile. His boyfriend had kind of a thing for his shoulders. Not even kind of, he really _did_ have a thing for them. Not to mention the way he was kissing them or simply clinging onto them. The tank-top was just a way to mess with him – it had been a while since they slept together, because of literally _everything._ They drove for over an hour west, going past Santa Monica, and arrived first at the gathering place they all agreed on. It was a spot Terrence and his father used to go camping with his younger brothers when they were kids, ideal according to him since the beach wasn’t that far and they could still manage to camp in the woods anyway.

Raquel and Kyle came with Terrence and Jelena, while Derek and Ahsha had driven on their own. Since they had nothing else to do in the meantime – and Jude hadn’t paid much attention to the speed Zero had been driving (he wasn’t _sure_ he had not done that on purpose), they engaged in a furious making out session that would have probably led to more than a hand job if Derek and Ahsha hadn’t showed up too early for Zero’s taste. The gang decided to head to the beach before setting up the tents, and they had all been playing in the waves for hours until they crashed on the sand, exhausted but giggling like they were ten once again. There had been such a beam of joy on Jude’s face that Zero barely had been able to keep his hands to himself the whole afternoon.

Now they were all supposed to get the tents ready for the night, but neither Jude nor Zero knew a single thing about all of this; and they had been struggling for half an hour already. Maybe the baller would have put more enthusiasm into his task if he actually had the intention to sleep with Jude. _But no._ Kyle, this _vixen_ , had pleaded that she wasn’t coming into the middle of nowhere to sleep in a tent and hear three couples fucking all night long.

“Here’s the deal”, she stated. “I sleep with Zero. Raquel you go with Ahsha, Jude with Jelena, Derek with Terrence. Seems fair to everyone, no?”

Zero couldn’t say he wasn’t a _tiny bit_ relieved that Kyle hadn’t put Jude and Raquel together. He knew this was stupid.

Like, really.

Jude was gay. He wasn’t bi, he wasn’t pan; he was just _all_ about boys. There was nothing that was supposed to happen with Raquel, _ever_ , that was precisely the _point_. But he couldn’t help that stupid, stupid, _stupid_ brain of his to start feeling hurt and helplessly betrayed whenever Jude was smiling at her. Honestly, Zero wanted to hit himself. It didn’t help that Raquel was gorgeous – that wasn’t the thing to bring up with Jude because after all _he_ was the bisexual one – and didn’t look pregnant in the slightest. According to Kyle, she was in the early stages of month 2, which rang absolutely no bell whatsoever with Zero, but thanks. Terrence helped them out with the tent, and then they proceeded to make an actual campfire, with actual wood and actual fire. Since no one knew how to play guitar, they just went for the 2018 version of a campfire and rolled with a portable speaker and Ahsha’s playlist on as background noise. The night was spent in stupid games they had the habit to play when they were usually drunk, but since they were in the middle of the woods, even Derek pointed out he rather wanted to avoid any bad trip _Chainsaw Massacre_ style.

It was late when Kyle eventually stood up. “Okay everyone, we’re officially going to start the last and most difficult game of the night,” she said, walking around them as they gathered in a circle around the campfire. “It had already broken many hearts. Couples split. Lives got ruined. I heard people _killed themselves_ because of this,” she pursued with a low voice. The emphasis she was putting in her little speech made Zero and Derek snort. Laughs echoed, but clearly Raquel and Ahsha were looking a little worried. Only Jelena was looking as sharp as ever.

“Get to the point already,” Derek huffed in a laugh.

Kyle shot him a look, but then took an empty bottle lying at Terrence’s feet. “It’s time for the make out game,” she said. “Two turns to get the two people. Chickens can be excused, but you can’t withdraw after it starts.”

Raquel shook her head. “I’m gonna pass on this one, if you don’t mind.” She shared a look with Jude. He was the only one who actually knew what belated consequences had ensued from the kiss they exchanged back in September, but no one protested.

Kyle patted her shoulder. “You’re pregnant sweetie, not dying. Anyway, everybody’s good?”

Ahsha didn’t look very convinced but she didn’t withdraw either. Neither did Jude. They looked for something to put the bottle on then Kyle settled down. After an excited ‘ready?’ she kicked at the bottle. It started turning and turning and turning, and Jude shared a look with Zero. His boyfriend didn’t look worried at all, rather like nothing could really faze him. Jude smiled back at him. The bottle started to slow down, more and more, skipping people as though the object was given its own capacity to think. Derek, Zero, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Zero, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Zero, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle… Jude… Ahsha... Derek… Zero. The bottle had apparently decided to settle on the blond baller.

Jude barely restrained a snort. _Of course_. Why on earth would he get lucky _once in his life_? There were laughs all around, equally genuine and worried. It was always more reassuring when a girl’s name was coming out first. The door was just now wide open for Terrence and Derek to make out with Zero. Jude bet they were starting to think about the best way to end the game before any of this happened. Zero, curiously, looked relaxed, and even amused. Jude was trying not to take the situation too seriously, but it was getting harder and harder as his stupid alcohol-free brain was trying to process over the probability that fate was just fucking with him. He didn’t want to be that annoying boyfriend who was always making a scene when people were having fun. Zero stood up and moved to the side, sitting on the improvised bench made from a tree trunk.

Kyle paused dramatically after putting her hand on the bottle. “Everybody’s ready for the second turn?”

Jude’s eyes obstinately refused to cross Zero’s gaze. Instead, they remained glued to a spot somewhere on the ground. With a kick of her hand at the bottom of the bottle, she sent them all back on nervous mode. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Jude wasn’t going to _pray_ for this stupid game. No. _No._ It was stupid as _fuck_. The bottle kept turning, then started to slow down. Jude couldn’t help the brutal rising of his heartbeat. Instead, he just softly ducked his head between his shoulders, somewhat glad that other people couldn’t hear the mess of blood pounding behind his ears. After a few more seconds, the bottle stopped, and Jude’s eyes jumped up.

“Looks like we need a third turn,” Jelena commented. The bottle had stopped somewhere between Terrence and Kyle.

Jude wanted to facepalm himself. Will that fucking game ever _end_? Someone, _somewhere_ , was messing with him, he was sure of it. Kyle kicked the bottle again, and Jude’s misery started all over again. If he wasn’t actually trying not to look like the annoying, jealous one in the gang, he would have closed his eyes by now, just to spare himself the thought of Zero making out with literally everyone around him. His mouth was dry as the bottle kept turning. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. Derek, Jelena, Terrence, Kyle, Jude, Ahsha. It started to slow down after Jelena. Terrence... Kyle… Jude… Ahsha… Derek… Jelena… Terrence… Kyle…

When the bottle eventually stopped on Jude, there was a second where he blinked his eyes with a quirked brow and everyone remained silent. Then shouts and laughs echoed around. Jude started to laugh himself, more relieved that he would _ever_ admit to.

“You two are so freaking lucky,” Terrence drawled.

There was a huge grin on Zero’s face as Jude finally looked up at him.

“Come on, Jude. Get your ass up there,” Kyle yelled. Jude chuckled and stood up, joining Zero.

“Relieved?” he teased him when he reached for his hand and pulled him down on the tree trunk.

“I hate you,” Jude retorted, which made Zero laugh.

The baller reached for his chin. “We both know that’s not true,” he grinned. The kiss was chaste at first, because yeah, it was weird to know that they were being watched. But after a few seconds, the feeling of Zero’s lips became too overwhelming to even think about their friends anymore. Jude’s hand cupped his neck, deepening the kiss. God, he _so_ didn’t hate him. Truth was he _loved_ him. He loved him with all his damn heart and every single fiber of his being. This feeling, these kisses, the softness of his lips, the warmth of his body… He never wanted this to stop. He never wanted to _ever_ have to live without him, and that was the most painful realization. When they parted, Jude was breathless and everybody had stopped paying attention to them. He had no idea what they were up to and didn’t care, because Zero wrapped his arms around him and pressed his lips to his forehead, and right now, it was everything that mattered to him. Zero tucked his head into his neck. “How would you feel about taking this somewhere else?”

“A hundred times yes,” Jude said in a breath.

They both stood up in the same move, Zero’s hand going from Jude’s waist to shamelessly grabbing his ass as they proceeded to leave the campfire. Terrence asked them where they were going; Kyle protested about where they were _obviously_ going – and to some extent, what they were going to do. Zero simply grinned and said that whatever Bottle God was in charge tonight, it had designated them. It would thus be a shame not to take advantage of a situation perfectly sorted by _fate_ , right? Kyle’s protests could still be heard as they headed for the tent located the farthest from the campfire and their friends, tripping on whatever was on the ground and giggling stupidly as they both caught each other a few times. As soon as they managed to get to the tent unharmed and Zero zipped it closed behind them, Jude grabbed him and pulled him close.

“I didn’t- know- you- were- _so_ on- board,” Zero managed to say between heated kisses.

“Shut up and let me get into your pants.”

Zero laughed. “Such a romantic.”

Jude slid his hand under the waistband of Zero’s boxers, very pleased by the way Zero’s breath seemed to shudder against his mouth. “Who said I was the tender one?”

They shared a few laughs as they tried to undress without having the tent fall down on their heads, which kind of ruined the mood every now and then. When their naked bodies eventually collided, however, Jude was soon left with an unpleasant feeling boiling in his stomach. He swallowed thickly and softly pushed Zero away as the baller was taking a close interest in his boyfriend’s collarbones. “Okay, no, that’s not- that’s not gonna work, I can’t do that.”

The campfire was the only nearby source of light, barely reaching the tent at all, but Jude distinctly saw disbelief in Zero’s eyes. Now that they had both stopped giggling and basically making any sound, the echo of the conversations and the music coming from the campfire invaded the tent. Someone laughed out there – Jude didn’t want to know who, he didn’t even want to be _thinking_ about them –, between various glimpses of conversations. Zero leaned back in closer after pausing a moment. “Don’t think about them. Just think about me,” Zero whispered to his ear. The vibrations in his voice were just screaming _I! want! you!_ and _of course_ Jude wanted him too, but it was easier to forget about their friends within hearing distance when they were drunk – or rather, when _he_ was drunk.

Jude tried to breathe more evenly. God he so didn’t want to embarrass himself. What if he just… _couldn’t_? How embarrassing and mortifying would it be? He would never be able to look Zero in the eyes for fuck’s sake. At least he had a little comfort in the fact that Derek and Terrence would surely _not_ be told about it if it ever happened. They were open-minded, but like every male teenager who was a gay-supporter, it didn’t mean they were comfortable about hearing the _details_. Then there was Kyle, and she was-

“Jude”, Zero said, bringing him back to reality. “Are you actually _paying attention_ to me?”

Jude felt the heat rise up to his cheeks – luckily it was dark – and couldn’t help a whine of embarrassment. He buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, it’s just that… _them_.” He was too mortified to make a proper sentence but the spirit was there. He wanted to creep into a fucking hole now.

“That’s funny because as far as I’m concerned we’re literally alone in the world right now”, Zero said, lowering Jude’s hands to look him in the eyes.

They were so very not but he quirked a brow in a silent question nonetheless.

“You know what I think about?” Jude shook his head silently and Zero pressed a kiss to his lips. “I think about the first time I saw you back in September. You were with Kyle. I saw the two of you walking in the hallway from the stairs.”

Jude didn’t know how the hell talking about Kyle was going to improve his performance right now but Zero seemed to have more than his own plans in mind. He kept on kissing him, interrupting his story every now and then. “I was so freaking jealous of her when I saw you, can’t even imagine.”

Another kiss, with more tongue this time, and Jude felt a shiver down his spine. Zero’s voice was low and deep, and Jude didn’t even realize that he was too focused on it to even pay attention to the outside world anymore. “Then at lunch you were there, and _holy fuck_ you took my breath away,” Zero pressed on with another kiss, longer.

All Jude could think about was the first time _he_ had seen Zero. And all the feelings came, rushing back, as Zero said the exact same words that Jude had in mind: “I saw you and fuck I just knew I wanted you.”

Jude let out a gasp when Zero bit his lower lip, but half of it disappeared into Zero’s mouth as he captured his lips again. Now Jude was feeling almost a physical pain every time he withdrew to talk. The knot in his stomach seemed to disappear, turning into arousal as he finally ran his fingers through Zero’s hair, cupping his neck and pressing himself against the baller’s chest. Forbidding him from even thinking about withdrawing again.

*

When Jude walked passed the gate of his house on Sunday night, he was feeling nervous all of the sudden. A single look at the car parked in the driveway cut short every cute and cheesy way to say goodbye to his boyfriend he could have come up with. He went directly upstairs, heading for his father’s office. His huge car was anything but discreet, and it would’ve been beyond rude not to say hi after coming back. His father was behind his desk and looked up at him.

“Hi, dad.”

Oscar nodded. “Hello, son.”

Jude tried to act casual. “I didn’t know you’d be here. Where’s Lionel?”

His father gestured vaguely with his hand. “She went to some spa with her sister. She left this morning.”

Jude hummed in response. “I, uh. I’m gonna take a shower, if you don’t mind,” he said, already retreating towards the door. It was still a shock to him to realize how little he had to talk with his father.

“Did you have fun?” The question took him aback, forcing him to turn back. Oscar had never actually enquired about his well-being, let alone his happiness. “Yeah, we had a great time,” he replied with a smile, hiding his surprise as much as possible.

His father nodded again. “Good, good,” he muttered to himself. Jude honestly thought that it’d be left at that. That it’d be yet again one particularly odd moment among many odd moments with Oscar. His smile faded fast, however, when his dad’s eyes fell on a paper he was pretending to read and he added: “You were with that Zero boy, were you not?”

“I, uh. Yeah. Among others,” Jude answered, but his voice sounded weaker than what he intended. He wanted to play dumb but couldn’t bring himself to. He knew it would piss off Oscar, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fake it. As always, every single inch of backbone faded away. He was still a kid whenever he had to face his dad. All he could do right now was watch as the truck ran him over at full speed.

“Jude, you know I don’t appreciate when people insult me. I don’t take that very well; especially not from you.”

Jude’s mouth was dry as a desert. “Dad I never meant to insult you, I just-”

“Thought I was too stupid to even realize what was happening right under my nose?” Oscar completed with a cold smile, as he lifted his gaze to him.

Jude was practically sure he was as pale as a white cloth. _Lionel, Lionel why did you leave me_ , he thought in despair. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. He was paralyzed. Oscar didn’t look like he was remotely done with him. Instead, he kept going through several papers on his desk, as if it was a very regular conversation to have. “Everybody told me you’d do something stupid someday; that you’d be too desperate to get my attention. I thought you’d be more clever than that.”

“I’m not desperate for anything,” Jude heard himself saying.

His dad snorted. “Sure, sure. You see, I’m notably tough in business. But I can prove to be generous,” he said again, glaring at him with his icy stare. “I’m offering you the chance to end whatever thing you have going on with him.”

Jude’s blood was pounding in his ears and he felt his fists clenching. “Or else?” he eventually managed to say.

“You’ll be gone in a week”, Oscar stated matter-of-factly.

Jude shook his head. “No school will accept me at this time of the year.”

“That’s funny, really, because I never said it was a school,” his dad replied, gesturing to the papers he was holding. “I have nothing but disdain for those religious nuts who think that with the Bible and group talks, you can get something out of life, but if that's what it takes to make you bow your head, I'll not hesitate.”

“Dad,” Jude tried.

Oscar glared at him. “I will not be humiliated in my own house by my own son one more second. Either you come back to your senses, or I send you off.”

“Why can’t you just admit I can be different than you?” Jude blurted, raging tears burning his eyes. “Would you really rather have a son who’s feeling miserable but is living according to your damn principles? Would you want a fucking puppet who doesn’t have the balls to stand up for himself and ends up sacrificing everything? Is that what you want me to be?” He started to talk louder and louder, not quite screaming, but already feeling his voice shuddering from contained anger.

His father put down the papers he had been holding. “I’d sign you up for a trepanation if I had proof that it would provide results.”

Jude watched his father in silence for a moment. That was it, the breaking point. Deep down, he had always known it would come someday. A confrontation where everything would fall apart, they had been living in a fake peace for way too long. And for the first time, Jude felt like he was seeing his father as he truly was: narcissistic, egomaniac, cold, and cruel. Capable to admit that he would willingly mutilate his only son just to make him fit in.

“You just can’t accept it, can you?” he said, his voice much lower, suddenly going blunt. “You just can’t accept that my feelings, my preferences, are beyond your control. And it kills you.”

Oscar had his eyes on him. “One more word...”

There were so many things that he wanted to tell him, _so many_ , each and every single one of them exceeding one word. There was no word long enough to sum it all up: That he remembered what he did to his mother. That the first thing Jude was able to read was the disgusting notes he was leaving for her every morning. That he remembered the thousands of times he was shouting at her for no reason whatsoever. The ringtone of the phone, when he was calling four, seven, twelve, eighteen times in a row, until she picked up and conceded to hear him tell her she was a failure. Before he had met Anna Fortescue, Oscar Kinkade was no one. That was only thanks to her that he managed to climb, to get seen, to get heard. And when everyone around just knew he wasn’t worthy of her, what option did he have other than breaking her to the point where she’d finally, _finally_ be less than him?

“Whatever,” Jude heard himself saying. And with that he left the study and headed back downstairs. He knew his father wouldn’t chase him. He knew he wouldn’t even bother following him, so he didn’t run, barely even hurried his steps.

*

Allie was trying to get Laura to eat some veggies while Zero and Samuel were discussing some impending NBA basketball game when the front door’s bell rang. She sighed and put the fork down. “This isn’t over, young lady,” she warned Laura as she was standing up to head to the main entrance of the house.

An offended “you can’t be serious!” from her son echoed from the kitchen and she bit back a smile as she was opening the front door. The conversations instantly faded in the background when her eyes reached those of the boy standing in front of her. “Jude,” she said, surprised. She had not seen him very often – for some reason, Zero relentlessly kept compartmentalizing his life – but she instantly knew that the hurt look on his face was a thousand miles away from his usual smile.

“I’m sorry to bother, can I- can I speak to Zero?”

Allie was opening her mouth to invite him to enter when she was cut short by her son himself, who appeared behind her. “Jude? What are you doing here?” Zero asked, disbelief soon replaced by worry when he noticed his boyfriend’s expression. “Is everything okay? You _walked_ all the way here?”

Allie was still standing between them, her eyes travelling from one to the other. Jude’s eyes fell somewhere else. “I smashed my phone,” he said, looking at the said object in his hand. The screen was indeed completely shattered, hundreds of pieces missing already. “I wanted to call Lionel- I tried but I can’t reach her, they don’t allow phones in those damn places and…”

Jude was clearly a mess and the look on his face went directly to Zero’s gut. “Jude, what happened?” He insisted, stepping closer from him.

“My dad,” Jude replied.

Zero grunted. “What did he do to you?”

There was silence, and Jude’s shoulders fell along with his glance. “He knows,” he simply whispered.

Zero’s mouth opened slowly, and he exhaled a breath as his eyes fell shut for a second, while all the implications of this simple statement were swirling around in his brain. “Come here,” he said quietly.

He reached for his hand and brought him inside, then wrapped his arms around him as Allie was closing the front door. She left them, probably to give a heads up to Samuel who remained back in the kitchen with Laura. After a minute, Zero finally parted from Jude; then took him to his bedroom. Jude wasn’t crying or anything, he just looked slightly numb and weirdly calm, which brought Zero to his maximum level of discomfort. Not that he would find tears and sobs any easier to handle.

Since Oscar hadn’t found it worth it to tell him the name of the spa his wife was currently taking a break in, Jude had to contact Lionel’s mother, who gave him the number of her other daughter, Kerry’s, current boyfriend, who _eventually_ gave him the name of the place. By the time he actually got the number through the internet and made an actual phone call to his stepmother, it was almost 10pm, and the person he was now talking to was refusing to disturb one of their clients – whom he pompously called their _guests_ – unless it was an emergency. “ _This is an emergency_!” Zero yelled at the person on the other side of the line, after taking his own phone from Jude’s hands. “Tell Lionel Kinkade that her husband has gone freaking nuts,” he barked again.

The man let out a loud sigh, then asked them to wait for a minute. They remained silent, sitting on the bed side by side, until a slightly annoyed “ _What the hell is going on?_ ” was heard. Zero handed the phone back to Jude, who summed up what had happened with Oscar.

The asshole had apparently decided to send his Jude away to some conversion therapy camp. Zero’s heartbeat raced faster as he forced himself to count to ten several times in a row, in an effort to ease his anger. Jude was the purest and most perfect person on this fucking planet. The only one who needed to be fucking “converted” was his asshole of father. The first thing Lionel asked was where he was right now, and when Jude told her he was at Zero’s, she asked to speak to Allie. Both Jude and Zero headed downstairs and waited as the two women were talking. Allie assured she wasn’t bothered in the slightest to have Jude for the night. After promising that she would leave as early as possible in the morning, Lionel talked one more minute with Jude, then hung up. Samuel, who had put Laura to bed over half an hour before, suggested they should all go to bed, and neither Jude nor Zero protested.

After two days in the wild with their friends and then an emotionally draining fight with his father, Jude looked frankly like he was going to crumble at every step he was taking – although camping seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago. Zero entered the bathroom while Jude was finishing his shower, and retrieved a towel from under the double washbasin, wrapping it around his boyfriend’s hips when he stepped out.

“I brought you clothes”, he said with a smile.

Jude nodded, but his eyes fell to the ground. “Sorry to have interrupted like that,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Zero took his chin to force him to meet his eyes. “Jude, it’s okay. After everything you did for me, there’s virtually nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” He brushed his cheek softly; then left the bathroom.

He was just hoping now that Lionel was really that smart and that she could find a solution to their troubles…again. Why were their lives so damn complicated all the time? Honestly, they should write a fucking book someday, at least make a million or two for all those sleepless nights they had. When they finally settled together in bed, Zero curled around Jude. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly in the dark.

Jude replied after a moment. “I don’t know. I guess I should have known it would come someday. I just wasn’t expecting that day to be today.”

“The man knows how to take you by surprise.”

There was another long moment silence. “I know I shouldn’t let him get under my skin but… The way he was looking at me, the way he was talking, I just- I _did_ feel like something was wrong with me; like I wasn’t normal, like I needed to be repaired.” Jude’s voice was quiet, but every word felt like a dagger was stabbing Zero over and over again in his heart.

He tightened his arms around him, and tried to ease the way his jaw had brutally clenched, fully aware that Jude could feel every single switch in his attitude. “Jude,” he said, his voice sounding somewhat hoarse as he was resting his forehead against Jude’s hair. “You are normal. You don’t need- you don’t need _fixing_. And I’m not letting anyone, especially not your father, take you away from me. I don’t care if I have to take you with me and hit the road together until we are 21. No one has the right to do that.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

Samuel sighed. “He has every right to send him there, Zero. He’s his father, that’s the whole point of parental rights. Lionel isn’t his mother, she’s just his father’s wife,” he stated, before taking a sip from his cup of coffee.

The fact that Zero was awake at 7 in the morning to catch his stepfather before he left for work was a sure sign that he was pissed… and worried. “All there’s to do is trying to bring Oscar to see that having a gay kid is really not the end of the world, and not an actual disease,” Samuel added.

“It’d be easier to move Mount Rushmore to take a selfie on Venice Beach,” Zero groaned, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, I wish I could do more,” he said, patting his stepson’s shoulder.

He left soon after and Zero headed back upstairs. Jude was still asleep and Zero laid back down next to him, a stupid warmth in his heart at the sight of his floppy brown hair falling over his eyes. He forced himself to stop staring at him while he was sleeping – it was such a creepy thing to do, even to him –, and went through his phone instead. After a while, Jude softly started to wiggle as he seemed to finally emerge and Zero smirked at him. “Hello sleepyhead.”

Jude groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you in the morning but I was half-hoping it was just a shitty dream.”

Zero sat against the headboard. They remained silent for a while and Jude hid his face in the crook of his elbow. “I meant it, y’know. If I’ve got to hit the road with you, I will,” Zero said.

Jude snorted. “I refuse to be Bonnie.” When he looked up, his boyfriend’s face was puzzled. “Bonnie and Clyde. I refuse to be Bonnie”.

Zero started to laugh. “Fine. I’ll be Bonnie. Who cares?”

“If I have to go to that damn camp, they better have nice beds at least,” Jude said dryly, which earned him a slap from Zero.

 “Hey, don’t start with that. You’re not going. Not while I’m still alive, that is.”

Jude lifted his gaze on him. “Stop the drama. We both know my dad isn’t gonna come back on this. I just came because I was worried he would kill me in my sleep for biting back.”

Zero gave him a look. Before he could answer, the doorbell rang downstairs, and then Lionel’s voice echoed along with that of Allie. The boys both stood up and Jude put his jeans from the day before on over his boxers. When they headed downstairs Lionel was in the living room, all dimples and glossy smiles as she was talking with Laura. Her gaze soon left the little girl for the boys. She sighed and took a step ahead to hug Jude.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he had figured it out, I swear I never told him anything,” Lionel said, combing his messy hair with her fingers as she was speaking.

“I never thought that,” Jude reassured her. It wasn’t like they had been very subtle since the beginning, he added for himself. Maybe some part of him wanted his father to actually find out. And maybe this stupid, hopelessly naïve part of his brain wanted his father to prove to him that he cared, just for once in his life.

Lionel declined the coffee Allie offered, and before Jude really had time to process, they were heading outside towards the taxi she had ordered when she left the spa. “How did you get there? Did Zero come to fetch you?” she asked as they were sitting on the backseat.

“No, I walked,” Jude replied, glancing out the window. It was still fairly early in the morning but he already felt tired. Lionel’s hand mirror brutally snapped closed, making his attention drift back on her.

“Jude!”

“I know, I know,” he groaned, already knowing what she was about to say. “I’m sorry I had other things on my mind last night. And just so you don’t have to ask, I didn’t have the time to take my medication either,” he retorted.

“You’re not supposed to do that. Dr. Jenkins told you the other day,” his stepmother scolded him anyway.

He rolled his eyes. “I _know_ what he said. I was there, thank you. As far as I know I can still _walk_ ”.

Lionel sighed and shook her head. “At least you quit Swim Team.”

Jude hummed in response. What his stepmother didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, right? The rest of the trip back was quiet, but he visibly stiffened when the taxi parked in front of the gate and he saw his father’s car still in the driveway. That was unusual of Oscar, to spend so many days in his own house in a row. Lionel reached for Jude’s arm. “It’s going to be okay, I got this,” she said calmly.

It didn’t help Jude to calm down much. When they got inside, she told him to go upstairs while she was heading for the solarium, where she knew she had a fair shot at finding her husband. She wasn’t mistaken, and Oscar didn’t even bother to look up from the newspaper he was reading.

“So he called you,” he simply said with a snort.

Lionel took off her jacket and threw it on one of the couches, before she sat down. “Is it true you’re planning to send him in some therapy camp?”

Oscar didn’t give her a single glance. “I gave him a choice. He apparently didn’t find it worth mentioning, which is quite ironic.”

“What kind of choice?” Lionel asked carefully.

“I gave him the choice between ending this whole _thing_ going on with that boy or leaving for Camp Ferguson next week. I’m not going to ask where he spent the night, but I think he made his choice pretty clear,” Oscar sneered.

Lionel scoffed. “What’s wrong with him being gay, Oscar?”

Her husband glared at her. “He’s not gay. He’s just desperate to get my attention and he went with the most humiliating way to get it.”

“So if he’s not gay, why are you sending him to a center to become straight?”

“To teach him that actions have _consequences_. I made a mistake with this kid. I thought boarding schools were the best way to teach him life, but it turns out I was greatly mistaken,” Oscar retorted.

Lionel was silent for a moment, her brain going at full speed. She took a breath, then straightened her position on the couch. “Counter-proposal, we don’t send him anywhere. Gay or not, these kind of institutions break the kids that are sent there and I will not allow that.”

Oscar eventually lifted his gaze to her and folded the newspaper. “And what’s next?”

“He will break up with Zero, sooner or later. I’d say it’s just a matter of time, actually.”

Her husband studied her for a moment. “What makes you think so?”

Lionel haughtily glanced back at him. “I used to be married to a baller, in case you forgot. The end of the year will be crazy, and Zero wants it really bad. If everything goes right, he will wind up a thousand miles away from Princeton, and that’s no figure of speech. Not to mention that he will realize soon that being accepted as a bisexual player in a public school by his teammates, who also happen to be his childhood friends, and being accepted as an out starter by NBA players are two _very_ different things.”

She forced her hands to remain steady and her back perfectly straight, but all she could think about was how much it was a fucking house of cards she was building up. A single breath on the paper tower she had put up and everything would crumble and reveal she was just damn bluffing.

Oscar stood up after a moment, dropping the newspaper on the ottoman table. “I don’t give a damn about this stupid baller’s career plans, I give him two weeks to get the hell out of my son’s life,” he said.

*

“You wanted to see me?” Zero asked after a small knock on the door.

His Coach, who was on the phone, made him sign in to enter and to sit on one of the two chairs across from the desk. Zero sat down and waited for a moment until Coach hung up. He seemed to consider him for a while before he started to talk. He looked annoyed as hell and Zero was sure he wasn’t going to like the conversation.

“I received a call from Alford’s assistant coach,” Robertson said, folding his hands on the table. “He told me you were supposed to call for over three weeks now. Can you explain me why he has to complain about this?”

Zero’s eyes fell on an invisible spot, and he rubbed his bicep, embarrassed. “I had a lot going on,” he admitted. To say the least. Okay, maybe he hadn’t planned to have to worry about his birthmother. But he clearly hadn’t expected he’d beg his boyfriend _not_ to become a father at 17 either, then to have to worry about him being sent away to a fucking camp and yet here he was. Over a week had passed since the campfire but it felt like a lifetime every single day that went on without Jude. Lionel apparently decided that it would be best if perhaps Jude was distracted so she took him with her to visit her mother – which was the closest form of a grandmother Jude ever had. To Allie’s vivid worries, Zero, for his part, had spent the rest of his spring break sleeping, when he wasn’t playing ball…mostly sleeping, actually.

Robertson glared at him. “Zero. It’s your future we’re talking about. UCLA is interested in you but they’re not gonna run _after_ you. You’re already lucky the assistant coach called me before they just erased your name off the list without a blink.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Zero mumbled.

Robertson kept eyeing him, then he let out a groan. “You don’t see me running after Roman or Wall or Weiner or _Somers_. You know why? Cause you’re the fucking only one that has it, the damn guts.”

Zero’s eyes fell on the ground. It was true no one had believed in him before he met Coach Robertson. He wasn’t yet 14, and they just happened to cross each other’s path while Zero was running some drills on the street court next to Doc Hudson’s garage. If today he had a fair shot at obtaining a scholarship, it was in no small part thanks to him and his efforts, and also for kicking his ass every now and then. Hearing disappointment in his voice wasn’t something pleasant, and Zero felt clearly embarrassed.

“I do have it. What it takes,” he replied, looking Robertson right in the eyes. But his voice sounded softer than it used to be. Six months ago, he would have drawled, and snorted, or just thrown a tantrum for even suggesting otherwise.

There was a silent moment, then his Coach sighed. “Look. Whatever you’re up to, whatever is going on between you and literally _anybody else_ , it’s none of my business.”

He paused but Zero’s heartbeat raced faster. Robertson looked like he was searching for his words. It didn’t take a genius to know he was talking about Jude and the Coach was clearly not comfortable with bringing this up here and now – whether it was because Jude was a guy or simple the significant other of his player, _that_ was a mystery Zero intended to keep. He couldn’t have any sort of respect for someone who would care more about him loving boys than his performance on the court.

“You’ve got something that can make you become an NBA starter, and UCLA is your best shot at being drafted. You know that. Basketball, that’s who you _are_. High school sweethearts… They don’t get along with basketball, they never do, because they are not meant to last longer than high school.”

Zero felt his throat growing tighter and tighter. He wanted to object but he didn’t know what he could say right now, partly because he wasn’t sure his voice would be steady enough, and partly because he had no words to describe how _wrong_ he was. Jude and he were fine. It wasn’t easy. It was tough as hell, because now it looked like they had been sent back to the days before Lionel found out about them, except that it was even worse now since they didn’t even have tutoring sessions to see each other outside of school. Zero’s mood had been increasingly dropping each passing day, as it was getting harder and harder to be around Ahsha and Derek or Jelena and Terrence’s perfect life… _Easy life._

“College is where the game begins, Zero. That’s where things get serious. It will get faster and faster, there will be more and more people, more and more important games, more and more things going on, everything will go at full speed, all the time. If you can’t handle the pressure now, if you don’t think you can deal with any more than what you have already, then tell me and I’ll stop everything. Is that what you want?”

Zero straightened in his chair and shook his head.

“I haven’t heard anything,” Robertson said. “Do you want me to tell Alford that you’re giving up when they’re interested in you?”

“No, Coach,” Zero replied.

The conversation with his Coach kept replaying in his mind all the way through lunch and the rest of the day. It wasn’t that much of a surprise. He had never been so naïve as to imagine that he wouldn’t have to break some sweat at some point after high school, if indeed he was intending to realize his dream and become a pro-baller. Until now, it had been easy to picture his future, because there was just him. But now that he had a family, that he had Jude… how much of the dream was left? Not that Jude was going to ruin everything, _no,_ he couldn’t even imagine his boyfriend ruining anything in the first place. But what if _he_ was about to become one of _those_? What if he was about to become one of those, who just assumed that everybody had to follow them down the damn rabbit hole of dream careers, consequences be damned? What if he was about to become one of those egomaniac players who were screwing cheerleader after cheerleader in empty locker rooms and then coming home with more scandals than actual championships? What if he was making Jude miserable along the way? What if those _three thousand miles_ separating Princeton and UCLA were the very reason they were _both_ going to be miserable?

*

“How do you feel?” Zero asked Jude, as he walked him to the locker room’s door.

Jude forced an assured smile on his lips. “Like I’m gonna rock this.”

Big fat lie. It had taken almost ice cubs running down his body to actually wake him up, and that was without mentioning the bags he had under his eyes. Even Lionel noticed it when he headed downstairs for breakfast. He had not intended to lie boldly to Lionel’s face, no, especially after everything she had been doing to protect his ass from his father. But for the past week, he had no other choice but to keep training behind her back. With the competition that was supposed to take place this morning – information he obviously kept from her, telling her instead that he was going to meet with the gang before Zero’s shift – and all the effort he had put into the Coach’s new routine for over three months now, it’d feel like he had exhausted himself for nothing. He knew it was stupid, but he needed something to work for, for once. He needed to have something to hold onto, because he was fucking tired of letting things be, Dr. Jenkins be damned.

Zero grinned and planted a peck on his lips. “I’ll see you at the pool, stud”.

Jude grumbled and gave him a nudge on the elbow. “Don’t call me that, we aren’t gym buddies.”

Zero chuckled and turned back. Jude looked at him walking away, then entered the locker room to change. By the time he joined the team by the pool, the other team had already arrived. Jude managed not to get too bothered by their glances. He had always worried about everything in his life, and that was an understatement to say that he was generally always more or less twisted up about something, _anything_ really, even little and meaningless stuff. But he had learned how to deal with the pressure of competition early on in his life, and he was glad he did. At least it spared him the added pressure of staring at his opponents. They warmed up in the pool, and Jude took two hundred yards at about three quarter speed. Coach Ledermann delivered one of his usual pep-talks, and before Jude even had much time to process over it, he was already coming back on his first lane. He was clearly ahead on the guy in the third lane, but he was trying his best not to care much about him or about the others. He just needed to focus on his speed and his breathing, which was now frankly distracting him at the beginning of his second lane. He had just reached the center of the pool when it became not only problematic but _painful_ as fuck.

He kept on swimming, but his body felt too heavy all of a sudden. Too heavy to even lift his arms and keep swimming. _Okay, Kinkade, you can do this, just fucking focus_ , he yelled at himself. _You can do this, just fucking focus_. But it wasn't enough to start moving again, and his mouth started filling itself with water. He needed air, he couldn't breathe. It was like two fucking iron bars slowly pressing around his chest.  _Mom, I don't know how to swim_ , he remembered screaming as she was pushing him in the water. But that was more than ten years ago, ten fucking, _fucking_ years ago. _I do know. I do know now_. He was a fucking swimmer, he was supposed to know how to _swim._ Blood was pounding in his ears, and his mouth kept filling itself with fucking water and he was trying to get his body to move again, but all he could feel, all that was _left_ to feel, was his lungs burning for oxygen, and his fucking chest aching more and more. He knew that by now, _by now,_ he should fucking feel the ground under his feet, but there was _fucking nothing._ He squeezed his eyes shut, but the pain kept flooding through his chest as everything seemed to fade away. 

Next thing he felt was a pressure on his chest, so hard that he felt like his ribcage was on the verge of exploding. His lungs bounced in his chest, making him retch, his entire body shuddering as all the water he had swallowed spilled out of his mouth. He let out a heavy, rough breath, lungs and throat burning, as he was shaken by a series of coughs yet again. The pain in his chest had decreased, but the hollow of it was still there, as if it was threatening to come back any minute.

“Easy, Kinkade, easy,” he heard Coach Ledermann say next to him.

“Kinkade, hey, Kinkade, can you breathe?”

Jude shook his head.

“Guys, give him some room”, someone else said, in the middle of other voices.

“We should get him out of here.”

“The paramedics specifically said _not_ to do that. It’s just a matter of seconds now.”

Jude tried to flutter his eyes open but all he managed to do was to burn his eyes with the light saturating the swimming pool. Other sounds were starting to come back to his ears, so many and so loud that it blasted in his brain. His breathing was fucking painful and irregular, no fucking oxygen left in his lungs. The paramedics arrived at that moment. The first thing they did was to put an oxygen mask on his face. The first gulp of air went directly to his brain and he couldn’t help but cry, because that was painful _as fuck_ , by far the most painful thing he had ever felt. He coughed a handful of times in the device, trying to lift himself up at least a little to ease it all, his breathing, the pain in his chest, the fucking burning tears, but he was weak as hell. His head was starting to ache, because of the sounds of the crowd echoing with the water of the pool. Someone from the paramedics barked something he didn’t catch. 

“He was in full speed and just stopped and started to drown. CPR till he began to breathe again,” a voice said to his left, probably belonging to the person who was holding him on the ground with a hand on his shoulder.

Jude squeezed his eyes shut. He heard some noises next to him, and the voice of the woman was suddenly closer as she knelt to his side. “What’s your name?”

“Jude”, he said, and he barely had the time to close his mouth before everything went black again.

*

“I want to see Dr. Jenkins, _right now._ ”

It was Lionel Kinkade’s voice, shouting by the nurses’ station that made Zero finally emerge from the fog of anxiety he had been lost in for an hour. He jumped on the plastic chair he was sitting in, making Terrence, Derek and Kyle startle as well next to him. When Jude passed out and they had taken him out of the water, Zero had managed to hold himself together, but not for long. As soon as he caught a sight of the lifeguard practicing CPR, something broke inside of him and he ran down the bleachers, escaping from Kyle’s grip. Derek didn’t have any other option but to literally _catch him_ before he did something stupid – like hitting someone.

Then he had struggled, along with Terrence, to get him to calm the fuck down, forcing him to abandon the idea of driving. Zero wasn’t proud of his behavior and would surely spend the next few years or so trying to prevent them from bringing that embarrassing moment back up. But it was _Jude._ And he couldn’t just calm down when Jude was fucking _not breathing_.

Terrence frowned and looked around without understanding. “What’s wrong?”

Zero stood up. “Jude’s stepmom. Lionel.”

She was hammering the desk with her hand, yelling at the nurse who was sitting behind. “Ma’am, Dr. Jenkins is out today.”

“Well, he _will_ get his ass right here, RIGHT NOW! My son almost _died_ today because someone didn’t do their job. _Someone will have to give me fucking answers!”_ Lionel yelled, livid. “So you take that damn phone, and you call him right now, if you don’t want me to sue the entire hospital!”

The nurse looked scared and her hand fumbled a little as she took the phone.

“Lionel,” Zero called, almost shyly, as he came closer to the station. Lionel turned back, glaring furiously. When she realized it was him, she seemed to pause, but only for a moment.

“How’s Jude? I didn’t see him since he was taken by the paramedics,” he said, his voice stuttering a little.

“You have some nerve to even dare to ask! Why did you let this happen, for God’s sake?!” she started to yell at him.

Zero’s eyes widened, and he was taken aback. “Let what happen? How the hell was I supposed to know something like that would happen?”

Lionel looked frankly pissed. “Because I told him to quite the Swim Team, don’t tell me you didn’t know about that!”

Zero’s mouth was dry. “I-I didn’t- why would you do that?”

“Because his doctor told him to _stop_!” Lionel yelled. “I can’t believe he kept doing that behind my…”

“Just tell me how he is!” Zero cut her off in despair.

“As fine as he can get,” she snapped. “He needs surgery.”

Zero looked at her, puzzled, heartbeat rising faster as the words kept echoing over and over again in his brain. “Surgery? But what- why would he need one? _What’s wrong with him_?”

She raised her eyebrows, and she seemed to reconsider yelling at him. When she started to talk again, her voice was lower, but sharp and bitter. “Jude’s born with a VS defect. You really didn’t _know_?” she asked, skeptical.

“I don’t even know _what it is_!” Zero blurted, starting to lose his temper as his hands were shaking.

Lionel took a breath and glanced at her phone, before looking back at him. “It’s a hole in the heart. It’s not supposed to be a big deal, because babies get surgery and then everything is supposed to be _fine,_ ” she barked as she turned to the nurse.

Zero, for his part, was still trying to catch up on the situation, but all he managed to do was to stare helplessly at Lionel. _A hole in the heart._ His boyfriend had a hole in his heart, he probably had it for _months_ and he didn’t know about that. Jude was tired. Jude was fucking tired. He asked him and he said _no_. _It’s the chlorine_. That’s what he said. Chlorine, and the booze and… _What the hell did he do?_ What the hell- what the hell did he let _happen_?

“I… He hadn’t told me,” the baller stuttered, his throat growing tighter and tighter.

“Mrs. Kinkade?” the nurse called anxiously with a weak voice. Lionel glared at her, scary as fuck. “Dr. Jenkins will be here in few minutes.”

“ _Great,_ ” she sarcastically replied, taking herself away from the station.

“The surgery,” Zero stammered, holding her back. “It’s going to be, like, open heart?”

“ _Yes_ , if my _dear husband_ was just willing to answer the _damn phone,_ ” she bitterly added.

“I need- I need to see him,” Zero pleaded. 

Lionel paused and then looked at him. There seemed to be pity in her eyes. “Zero, I don’t think it’s the right moment for that. Hopefully, Oscar will be here in a moment and I can…” She was cut off by the ringtone of her phone and she picked up. “Oscar what the hell took you so long? I’m in the _hospital,_ ” she exclaimed, turning back as she walked away from the station.

Zero remained there for a moment, distraught as he had rarely been in his entire life. He wanted the aching in his chest to stop. It was his fault. If he hadn’t been so focused on himself - if he hadn’t be so selfish, so fucking egocentric - if he had only _paid_ _attention_ … The only person he had ever loved had a fucking hole in his heart, he had been - he had been crumbling a little more every single day, and he hadn’t noticed. He was still near the nurses’ station, but barely standing at all. He knew Terrence and Derek and Kyle were still somewhere in the waiting room, maybe they could even see him, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care, not about them, not about the medical staff flittering around, not about the nurse who was asking him if he was okay. It was a reflex he didn’t know he had in himself that drove him to take his phone from his pocket, to unlock it and to dial the number.

Allie picked up at the second ring.

“Mom, I-I need you,” he said, his voice breaking on the last word.


	14. Chapter 14

Coach Robertson had been carefully watching his star-player absentmindedly running drills with his teammates for the whole practice. Zero was not even remotely focused on what was happening, and the worst part was that he still managed to be good enough not to screw the whole exercise up. After he blew his whistle to mark the end, Robertson called him out as he was retreating with his teammates towards the locker room.

“You sure you’re okay?” the Coach asked him, arms crossed on his chest.

“Why?” Zero deflected bluntly.

Robertson took a breath and looked in the distance. “Look, I know I said some- some _things_ last time we spoke. I was just trying to tell you not to be all twisted up for something that will perhaps not matter much compared to your upcoming career. I never wished any harm on your boyfriend. I just wanted… I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for what happened to him.”

When he said that high school sweethearts were not meant to last, that didn’t mean they were supposed to _die_. The disaster of the last swimming competition had been taking over both the staff’s and the students’ sides of the school. Jude Kinkade’s family was a tough one to deal with, and Principal Hawkins had been on the loop about a hypothetical lawsuit that could completely wreck the school. The kid’s father had enough funds to use ten of the best lawyers in the country and that simple thought had been agitating the staff room ever since. Teachers were mostly divided between those who kept saying that coaches should be more careful with their players and athletes, and those who said that they simply couldn’t take a special interest in _all_ their players’ medical records,especially when the kid had kept some decisive information for himself until the breaking point.

Zero pressed his lips together and nodded. “No offense taken.”

Robertson took his eyes away from the empty court and eventually looked up at his player’s face. Still fucking stern. Was that even the same kid that only a year before, he had been forced to take off Travis Abramson with the help of _two_ _colleagues_?

“How is he?” Robertson asked again.

“Waiting for surgery,” Zero replied, but his jaw seemed to clench a little. “Was that all?”

His Coach nodded and Zero ducked past him to head for the locker room.

*

In the end, Zero got only a single phone call from Jude, after Lionel eventually agreed to it. Since his body was too weak for an open-heart procedure, they had to wait a few more days to perform the surgery. Dr. Summers, who was assisting Dr. Jenkins since Lionel requested a second opinion without bothering to spare the good Jenkins’ feelings, stated that as long as Jude wasn’t planning to run a triathlon, waiting two days or six months would change basically nothing. Jude’s body had failed during the competition because he was too exhausted and that he had exceded beyond his actual strength at the moment, but he wasn’t dying either. Zero spent hours searching through the web for what the hell was a VSD, but every answer seemed to bring more and more questions. According to online articles, only toddlers were supposed to get surgery for that, and from what Lionel had been saying, he supposed Jude indeed had one. He eventually found a piece of an answer on some website, where someone said that the hole in the heart could sometimes surface again when you were growing up too fast. That was the closest to a fitting answer that he could get since the beginning.

Five days after the competition, the surgery was eventually carried out in the morning, and well into the afternoon, Zero still had no news as to whether it went well or not. In the meantime, he dealt with his new favorite copping mechanism: sleep. Allie was getting seriously worried at seeing her son like that. The boy was honestly a pure mess and she was still trying to debate whether bringing up the shrink option was a good idea or the worst ever, when she had the surprise to discover no one but her sister deep in a conversation with Zero when she came back home. They were both sitting on the couch, which was even more a surprise because he hadn’t left his bedroom for almost five days whenever he was home at all.

“I’m just saying, if I were you, well screw the dad. Take a car, hit the hospital, and just go check on your boo,” Allie heard as she was about to enter the living room.

“Yeah, well, tell that to your sister,” Zero answered dryly and it went right to his mother’s stomach.

She forced herself to stay calm. “Candace, can you come here a minute?” she called out, trying to ease her annoyance.

Candace looked at her sister over the edge of the couch and smiled. “Al, I didn’t hear you”. _Of course not you were too busy giving shitty advises to my son._ Zero didn’t bother to look at his mother. Instead, he just took his phone off the coffee table and headed upstairs.

As soon as they were alone, Allie glared at Candace. “Now you stop that. You shouldn’t be pushing him like that, Zero’s fragile these days. Don’t make it any more difficult for him than it already is.”

“What? He’s miserable, his boyfriend is miserable. Why should the asshole get the last word?” Candace deflected with a shrug. Allie tried her best not to be too hurt by the fact that her sister manifestly got the whole story and not just pieces of it, which only meant that Zero had been unusually talkative with her.

“The situation is complicated. His father doesn’t want them to see each other, it sucks, I know, but I can’t do anything about it. Now if you could stop putting stupid ideas in my son’s head, I’d appreciate it very much.”

“You’re too strict with him”, Candace sneered. “What are you afraid of exactly? He’s a great guy, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t risk to get a girl pregnant. As far as I know, he’s everything _but_ Brandon, you could at least give him a little break!”

That was a low blow, even for Candace, e _specially_ for Candace. “I think you’ve spent too much time listening to Dad’s fucking diatribes, you don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Allie bit back. “The day you have kids, I will accept advice from you. In the meantime, stop talking shit to mine and don’t you dare bring up Brandon under this roof ever again.”

Candace looked offended – which was the purpose. “Fine,” she said, taking her handbag and heading for the front door.

Allie waited over an hour before deciding she was done with the silent treatment. She opened the door to Zero’s bedroom, stepped in, kicked her shoes and after a “ _Move._ ” that wasn’t waiting for an answer, dropped herself flat on the bed next to him. If he was surprised, he didn’t say anything, and just looked at the ceiling. “Look, I wish I could do something about Jude. I know you’re worried, and it’s perfectly okay. But you’re the one I’m getting really worried about,” she said after a moment. “You never talk to me, even when I’m trying to make things right with you. Every time I feel like you take a step ahead, you immediately take three back,” she said without moving.

She could still hear the distress in his voice when he had called her, and the _Mom_ that he had never used again ever since. Part of the reason why he was now avoiding her eyes and her as whole only had to do with the fact that he wasn’t yet ready to drop the armor.

“It’s not easy for me to see that you get along better with Samuel, or even Candace, than with me. Sometimes-, sometimes I just feel like it’s never gonna work. Things like that just happen, I know that, and I’m not asking you to be sorry. But every time you talk to him, or smile at him, or ask him for advice, part of me can’t stop wondering how much time it will take for you to stop looking at me as just the person who left you.” she pressed on.

He didn’t know what to say. He had no answer to give. Life had turned him into someone who didn’t rely on others easily. He did rely on Samuel because in the end he was providing him with advice and support he couldn’t get from anyone else, even the grandpa textbook that Allie never had in the first place.

Zero pressed his lips together. Strangely enough, he was finding some comfort in the fact that she wasn’t staring right the fuck in his eyes. “Samuel isn’t my dad and he never will be. But he’s nice. And Candace… well.”

Candace was telling him what he wanted to hear, they both understood silently. They were still staring at the ceiling, looking at nothing, when Allie started to talk again. “I’ll always remember the first time you kicked me,” she said. “I was sleeping. And then you kicked, and I swear that was… that was a _hell_ of a kick.”

Zero said nothing at first, but after a few seconds, he just couldn’t help it: he started to laugh. It was just a chuckle at first, contained, then frank, and his laugh echoed in the silent room as he was sitting on the mattress. It was just the worry of knowing that Jude was cut open on a table at the hospital, and all of those other things that never stopped fucking filling his life for like, ever, hell that was just _nerves_. But he kept laughing until his stomach started to hurt. He was still laughing when Allie sat next to him. It was finally then that he was able take a breath. Zero cleared his throat. “I, uh, yeah, I have the reputation of a puncher,” he admitted after a moment, wondering what the hell kinds of stories everyone in the gang would have to back that up.

Allie shook her head with a snort. “I think I remember that.”

The atmosphere was a lot lighter when she spoke again. “Ever since you agreed to come back, I just kept trying to make it up to you, because so far I found a way to fix every wrong I've done. But you... you're the only thing I can't seem to be able to fix, and sometimes I feel like- like the glue doesn't _stick_. And I don't know why. And I'm afraid I'm messing up once again.”

Zero’s eyes fell to the foot of the bed, and he tucked his legs against his chest. “Maybe it doesn’t work because I don’t need to be fixed. I’m fine. For most part I’m fine. It wasn’t easy. But at some point I just sucked it up, and now, yeah. I’m fine.” There was silence, and for once Zero wasn’t shy about making eye-contact with her. “You know… The things that make me happy, Basketball, my friends, Jude… I’d have lost it all if I had to move away, to another foster family. Somehow you're making me happy. It's this house that's permitting me to keep playing ball and see my friend and be close to my boyfriend. And that makes me happy.”

Allie was about to reply when Zero’s phone buzzed.

 **LIONEL KINKADE.** _Jude’s fine, surgery went well. He’s still going to be out for a day or two. I’m sorry I was a bitch the other day, I was freaking out._

A weight lifted off Zero’s chest as he read the text, three times in a row before actually finding the strength to breathe heavily. “Surgery went well,” he said, looking up at Allie.

She was smiling, and she tousled his bleached hair. That was so far the closest Allie had been to her son ever since they started to live together, and that was fine. Neither of them was the hugging type anyway.

*

Lionel was about to step out of the house when she came across her husband. She had come back to freshen up a bit before going back to the hospital. Jude would be awake any time now, and since she neither wanted him to wake up alone or to see her as if she had just been shooting a Walking Dead episode, she was quite in a hurry. The front door had just closed behind her when she glared at her husband.

“You couldn’t have found another moment for your fucking business meeting than the day your only child is getting _open-heart surgery_?” she barked at him, still in fury even two days later.

“The investors really didn’t care whatever I was up to, Lionel. They came all the way from Singapore for this appointment,” Oscar retorted, unfazed.

Lionel scoffed. “Just admit that you don’t care. Every damn investor in the _world_ would understand such an excuse. Even in fucking Singapore.”

Oscar glared at her. “Stop that.”

His wife adjusted her designer handbag on her shoulder. “You waited twelve hours, _twelve fucking hours_ to give your consent for Jude’s surgery.”

“It wasn’t an emergency, they said it _wasn’t_.”

“Who cares?!” Lionel yelled. “What took you so long, Oscar?”

The man remained silent and she was livid when she took a step closer. “Look me in the eye, and tell me that you didn’t seriously hesitate to give your approval because your son is in love with a boy.”

“I signed those damn papers,” Oscar deflected, but Lionel’s jaws clenched.

A joyless smile rose up on her crimson lips. “You disgust me,” she spat out.

She had known how the man was behaving early in their relationship, and part of their marriage was based on that. On the fact that he used her, and that she knew how to use him. At some point, they had reached some kind of an agreement, a settlement that had given them both the feeling of being partners rather than spouses. But _this_ , this was too much. It had gone too far. She wasn’t going to play this game one more minute, not when Jude’s life was hanging in the balance.

“You’ll receive a word from my lawyer by the end of the day,” she grunted, bypassing him to head towards her car.

*

Jude was drifting in and out of sleep when his eyes slowly fluttered opened. The first thing he saw was the most beautiful blue gaze he had ever seen in his life, those sparkling, electric blue eyes that had never stopped haunting him since September. For a moment, Jude felt like it wasn’t real. Perhaps because things were still a little bit blurry. Zero perched himself on the side of the bed. His face looked worn out but curiously stern. Even his gaze seemed a little dull. Jude still wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming when Zero started to talk.

“Promise me one thing,” the baller said, his voice as blank as his face. “Whatever happens now, you never, never tell anyone.”

Jude was too astonished to say anything, instead he just nodded, not sure where this was going. They kept staring at each other in silence for a second longer, not even touching. Then, without warning, without even a blink, just appearing out of the blue, a tear rolled down Zero’s cheek, soon followed by many more. The baller leaned over Jude and he knew he was trying his best not to put too much of his weight on his stitches, but Jude didn’t care, he simply couldn’t at this moment. He just wrapped his still stiff arms around him and held on tight as Zero was silently crying in the crook of his neck – and who cared if the gesture was messing with the IVs still lodged in his right hand and arm. The familiar weight on him, the way his arms were always perfectly fitting around Zero’s body, even the smell of his skin felt like a sweeter treat to his lungs than oxygen. He could have cried from relief, to finally have him near. But he didn’t. Jude simply pressed his lips to Zero’s neck, softly and quietly. After a moment, he felt distinctively that Zero’s breathing had returned to normal, and soon his boyfriend managed to lean back up. His eyes were flushed red, but there were no longer tears rolling down his face now that he had started to calm down. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, but his free hand instantly found its way to Jude’s, intertwining their fingers as if he was planning to never let go.

“I love you, Jude Kinkade,” he managed to say, his voice sounding hoarse. “I love you, and I don’t give a fuck if I’m the sappy one. I love you, I fucking love you, and don’t you dare- don’t you dare scare the shit out of me like that ever again, because I’m not gonna find someone as fucking perfect as you.” He lifted their joined hands and pressed his lips on the back of Jude’s. “Just don’t do that to me ever again.”

Jude’s throat was tight and his voice a little weak. “I love you too. And I’m- I’m sorry I scared you. I freaked out a big deal too, for that matter.”

Zero huffed out a laugh and shook his head. This time he reached for his lips. It was not a heated kiss, but their mouths remained pressed against each other for a moment, just sharing the same air. The baller didn’t stay long, before he was shooed away by the nurses. Jude didn’t protest, he was already starting to fall back asleep, at peace. The IVs that were giving him continuous infusions of sedatives and painkillers were literally pumping every bit of energy he had in him and the emotions of seeing Zero pumped out the last bits he had left anyway.

He remained in the hospital for a week after his surgery. The IVs eventually disappeared, and ever since he started to feel less and less tired. The last two days of his stay, he was allowed to receive more visits, and was finally able to catch up with the gang. Raquel was looking as pretty as always, especially now that she seemed to have lost the depressed demeanor that the troubles related to her unplanned pregnancy had brought up in her life. If it wasn’t for the baby bump she was starting to show, maybe Jude would have believed that none of it had happened in the first place. As most people did, she asked how he was feeling, then proceeded to scold him for scaring them all like that – adding the extra ‘you’re not supposed to make pregnant girls freak out like that, you know that, _right_?’ touch.

When he told her about his father, she had to snort. “Look at us. Teen mom and rejected gay son. How the tables turned.” Jude couldn’t help but huff a laugh at that. He learned that Raquel’s parents, however _not_ thrilled about her choice, had not disowned her and were actually trying their best to take it on themselves to be more understanding.

“Zero told me you were ready to say you were my ‘baby daddy’,” she said again, and Jude looked sheepishly at the sheets. “That’s very stupid of you.”

Jude scoffed, shaking his head. “What a loyal boyfriend.”

“I wanted to thank you no matter what. I would never have allowed it, but you have more balls than Jesse ever had or will ever have. Yeah, you’ve got some balls, Kinkade,” she said, giving him a fake punch in the shoulder.

The last day, his Coach dropped by with the Swim team, which didn’t much please the nurses, but at least Jude appreciated the gesture. Lucas remained a few more minutes with him after his teammates and Coach left, and apologized again for behaving like an ass at the beginning of the year. This time it felt real, and Jude accepted it to clear the record – after all that had happened, it felt childish to act any other way. His father didn’t come, at least not after he had properly woken up. He wasn’t surprised, but it hurt nonetheless. He thought he had learned to build himself up without his support; but if anything, it was making him realize how much hope he still had left in him, and how ridiculous it was at the same time.

Exactly one week after his surgery, Jude was finally discharged and allowed to go home, where he was expected to spent a few more weeks – at least two, maybe three – to let his body fully recover. There were no traces of Oscar there either, and when Jude politely inquired about it, Lionel gently forced him to lay down on his bed – he wasn’t supposed to stand much to protect the stitches – before answering. Her stepson was too dumbfounded to find something to reply when she told him she had filed for divorce, but the pain and the discouragement he felt rushing over him probably took over his face.

Lionel caressed his cheek. “I didn’t think I needed to say it, but I’m gonna say it anyway. I’m not leaving you behind. Okay?"

Her stepson nodded, then she urged him to catch up on some sleep, arguing that the doctor had told him so. Jude protested but it was weak, and within minutes he was already fast asleep. Lionel came to check on him half an hour later, and watched him sleep for a moment. Oscar was probably somewhere thinking she would be asking for the seaside house or untold millions. Little did he know that she had already rallied her own troops and that she was planning to come down _so_ hard on him.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Nigel Kerrigan cleared his throat and finally put the pen he was holding back on the closed folder. “Now that we have reached an agreement for the formal separation, my client would like to address the custody of her stepson, Jude Alexander Kinkade, born in Los Angeles, California, on…”

“This is absurd,” Oscar scoffed, relentlessly glaring at Lionel from the other side of the large conference table, ever since the very first minute he had arrived.

His future ex-wife was, for her part, very steady and very determined. She was sitting next to Nigel, the lawyer who had been recommended by Samuel Hipwell. Over a week ago, she had stormed into his office downtown, with the groundbreaking statement of hers. “You don’t know me, but I’m the stepmother of your stepson’s boyfriend, and if we don’t find a quick and dirty way to get me the guardianship of a kid I have been raising for the past seven years, we will both have to deal with two heartbroken teenagers, and I’d wish that on no one on this planet.”

“You can’t be serious,” Oscar scorned again.

“When it comes to Jude, I’m every bit serious. You should know that by now,” Lionel retorted coldly. It was the first time she was speaking during the meeting, having managed, until now, to stick to the script agreed on with Nigel.

The lawyer sitting by Oscar’s side, Arnold Bernstein, a pompous asshole whom she had been forced to have several brunches with over the last few years, had a patronizing smile. “That is very poetic of you, but that isn’t how the California law works, Mrs. Kinkade. As a stepparent, I’m afraid you are not entitled to ask for any kind of guardianship.”

“My client wishes to be acknowledged from now on as Ms. Hemsworth,” Nigel diplomatically pointed out. “My client isn’t requesting guardianship, I’m afraid there’s a bit of a misunderstanding. We are asking for the transfer of parental rights, in the interest of the child, in a case of non-parental custody.”

He took advantage of a relative silence to open the folder he had between his hands, and cautiously put on display, one after the other, twenty different certificates. “Here are twenty testimonies from various doctors, teachers, qualified staff, even cleaning staff from the Kinkade’s Mansion, that confirm that my client had been more than a devoted stepmother for the past six, soon to be seven years. Some may say like a true mother.”

Bernstein scoffed. “We’re not here to discuss the personal feelings of your client, Mr. Kerrigan, but to find a settlement for the divorce. The guardianship of my client’s son is not on the menu, in any shape or form. A month short of his eighteenth birthday, we can all agree this is an _absurd_ request. Not only is Ms. Hemsworth creating a drift in the settlement we seemed to have agreed on before, but she’s also creating a drift inside of her former household.”

Nigel gave him a delighted smile. “Mr. Bernstein, if the happiness and well-being of his son is not a thorn in Mr. Kinkade’s side, I assume he will have no trouble discussing it.” He pretended to read a paper from his folder. “I have here accounts of twenty-eight medical appointments. None show Mr. Kinkade attending.”

“My client is a dedicated businessman who had been working relentlessly to support the _expensive_ lifestyle of his wife and child,” Bernstein easily bit back.

“This is very true, I give you that. Some may even say that Mr. Kinkade had been taking a lot on himself lately,” Nigel replied. He took out a paper yet again from his folder, setting it out on the conference table for everyone to see – everyone being the five of them. “I have here a reservation, booked no later than yesterday, for a plane ticket and a hotel reservation for London next week. While his only son is in the middle of recovery after a painful open-heart surgery as we speak.”

Lionel and Oscar were glaring at each other from across the table, invisible daggers cutting the air. Oscar visibly stiffened in his chair but Lionel was committed to remaining perfectly still, barely blinking an eye at all. Bernstein seemed to consider his options, and a nervous tic was starting to run through his fingers. “My client, however worried by his son’s health problems, thought he could entrust him to his wife.  That is, until she filed for divorce out of the blue.”

“My client had repeatedly told her husband she disapproved of his educative methods regarding his son. She also attempted, no less than five times across the last six years, to get her husband to transfer his son to a school closer to home. This request having been granted only this year, a few months before Jude’s departure to college,” Nigel countered.

Bernstein seemed to be gaining confidence. “My client disposes of every legal right upon his child. The fact that he may, or may not, listen to his wife’s advice is only up to him and no law can force him to do otherwise, Mr. Kerrigan.”

“Unless this directly threatens the mental health of his son and tends to favor an unhealthy environment around him. Mr. Kinkade has made it no secret that he was willing to send his son to a therapy camp called Camp Ferguson, to and I quote ‘cure him from his gayness’. I’d like to point out that Camp Ferguson registered six suicides among its young residents during or shortly after they left the camp, over the last two decades. Is this still supposed to be about the well-being of his son, Mr. Bernstein?”

“Camp Ferguson has improved its psychology unit precisely to ease the transition. This is a very decent center for young people who sometimes struggle to find a right balance between what they feel to be their personal beliefs and those of their families,” Bernstein deflected. “Ms. Hemsworth is just trying to pry into the relationship between Mr. Kinkade and his son in an attempt to prevent him from sending his son away from the disastrous influence of one of his supposedly childhood friends, with the mother of whom she seemed to have close ties. We should all agree that Ms. Hemsworth’s views on the matter are biased.”

Nigel was starting to lose his advantage, but remained confident and easily managed to get through the trap set by Bernstein. “So you are assuming that there is an actual relationship between Mr. Kinkade and his son Jude.”

“There is,” Bernstein sneered haughtily.

Nigel paused for a second, then turned toward Oscar. “Mr. Kinkade, do you even know the actual birthday of your child?”

“Don’t answer that,” Bernstein said.

“May 17th,” Oscar replied nonetheless, biting back a snort.

There was silence around the table. Lionel and Nigel shared a look and her lawyer smoothed his black tie for a second before he looked up again. “May 17th is indeed a very important date, Mr. Kinkade. This is the date where every year, Ms. Hemsworth used to remind you that Jude’s birthday was, in fact, the 18th.”

The atmosphere was thick and Lionel was doing her best to keep her breathing even.

“As I said before, this is barely over a month short of Jude’s eighteenth birthday,” Bernstein repeated.

There was no need to be a professional lawyer to know that when one of them was using the same argument twice, it was starting to get tricky for him and his client.

“If Ms. Hemsworth had any kind of respect, she would not be trying to interfere in such a desperate attempt when she has no legal claim on the matter to begin with. The real question is why Ms. Hemsworth is pushing so hard when in a month the question will not even matter anymore?”

“I’m not letting Jude spend even another week with you if I can help it,” Lionel barked.

Nigel joined his hands on the folder he had closed, and stared at Oscar right in his eyes. If Lionel was starting to lose it, there wasn’t a minute to lose, he needed to wrap this up.

He cleared his throat. “The point of bringing this matter up here and now, before we formally petition the Court, is only to give Mr. Kinkade a heads up on the situation. We all know that if you are determined to fight back our attempts in Court, you’re not going to step out of this any stronger,” he added. “You’ve been politically active these past few years, engaging in various fundraisers and publicly declaring yourself a Democrat, especially during the last campaign. I’m not sure that everyone will be _thrilled_ to find out the way you’ve been treating your child. Planning on sending your only son, who happens to be gay, to some therapy camp to cure his sexuality is one thing. But twelve hours, Mr. Kinkade. Twelve hours is a _long_ _time_.”

Oscar seemed on the verge of throwing whatever object he had near right in Nigel’s face. Bernstein was struggling to understand the silent accusation, and turned towards his client with narrowed eyes.

Nigel tapped his pen on the cover of his folder. “ _This_ would be disastrous publicity for the Republicans, I let you imagine the blast for Democrats.”

He was pretty satisfied with himself, although he still had more bluff than actual victory to be proud of. Blood had started to gather behind Oscar’s face as he was containing his anger. At losing the game or at losing something that he was totally certain was meant to be his forever, Lionel couldn’t tell.

Definitely not a spared tear for losing his one and only child.

“Give her whatever the hell she wants,” Oscar grunted eventually.

Bernstein startled and looked at his client. “Oscar, this is not over yet-,” he tried, but Oscar wasn’t paying attention to him.

Once again, Nigel did the talking. “A million to keep herself afloat for a while, and another million to ensure Jude’s college fees. However, my client is willing to let go of all the percentages and other meaningless properties, notably the cabin in Aspen and the seaside house in the Hamptons, along with the Mansion, if Mr. Kinkade accepts to transfer all parental rights to her without condition. And potentially never try to interfere with Jude’s life unless the latter is willing.”

Oscar’s face was a deep shade of red by the time he grunted his agreement. “You know he will come back to me someday,” he uttered as they were standing up.

Lionel quirked a perfect eyebrow. “Then I will have no other choice but to tell him what you were doing in Dubai, him… and other people, of course. I’m pretty sure everybody at the White House will find that _very_ interesting.”

She was pleased to see horror in her now ex-husband’s eyes as she exited the room.

*

“Does it hurt?” Zero asked quietly, his hand resting next to the scar.

“Sometimes, depending on how I’m moving,” Jude admitted.

The scar was almost 5 inches long, located on the side of the sternum, and although the stiches were gone, the skin was still flushed red and at times hypersensitive. Jude was struggling with the annoying feeling of the fabric of his shirts rubbing against the scar. He was mostly alone at home, so he was spending most of his days shirtless, which was _far_ from bothering his boyfriend, at least when he managed to take his eyes away from the scar. Zero seemed very concerned about the wound whenever it was on display, and Jude had not resisted to get his point across now, months after Zero’s own injury, precisely how much cutting wounds were _not_ a turn on.

“How come I never noticed the first scar?” the baller had asked once, very upset.

“My mom had it treated with a laser when I was a baby. You couldn’t see it if you didn’t know there was one in the first place,” Jude tried to reassure him, but if anything, it was speaking volumes on how much he had been distraught.

Jude had come back from the hospital over a week ago. Lionel had given Zero permission to spend some time with Jude at the Kinkades’, arguing that Oscar wasn’t there anyway, and truth was, Zero couldn’t care less about the sudden change of mind from his boyfriend’s stepmother, he could finally _finally_ take care of Jude, and that was all that mattered to him.

The baller lowered himself a little and Jude’s breath shuddered when Zero softly pressed his lips to the scar. If he had had a clear mind, Jude would surely have pressed Zero for more. But he couldn’t bring himself to cast aside the stream of thoughts that had been swirling in his mind ever since Lionel broke the news he had been dreading for months, that afternoon.

He softly reached for Zero’s face, cupping it as he looked him right in the eyes. “Why didn't you tell me you had something going on with UCLA?” His voice wasn’t accusing or sounding upset, rather quiet and somewhat, yes, pained.

Something passed over Zero’s eyes, and he looked away, his face slowly escaping Jude’s hands as he leaned back. “Who told you?” he asked quietly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jude felt his heart twinge. “Lionel. Allie told her. Why did you keep that a secret?” _Why did you keep that from me?_

“Because, at first, it was too soon to talk about it. Then it still wasn’t a sure thing. Then I didn’t know if… I _don't_ know if I still wanna go there,” Zero confessed after a moment, sitting on the mattress.

“ _Why_?”

“Look, I can play ball anywhere,” Zero cut him off. “If I'm good, really _that_ good, I'll be that good anywhere, it won't affect my game.”

Jude slowly shook his head. “You know it's not about your game, it's about visibility. UCLA can offer you that better than almost any other university in the country.”

“But they can't make up for three thousand miles,” Zero said, his voice weak.

There was long pause and Jude reached for his chin, softly raising his face so their eyes could meet. “You should accept that deal. You'd be close to your family, and you could keep bonding with them. You need that too.”

Zero took Jude’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “What I need most is you. Basketball is a huge part of my life, okay, and I want it to remain a huge part. But I don't want it to be everything I have. Everything I am. I want to be a son, and a boyfriend, heck yeah, even a husband someday. I don't want to be a player who's just going to end up alone in some secluded mansion, sitting on a bunch of millions with no one but hookers to celebrate a championship. That's not who I want to be,” he confessed.

Jude made a small sigh. “You're saying that because you think there are no other options.”

“UCLA is _west_ coast. Princeton is _east_ coast,” Zero said, matter-of-factly.

“I know that,” Jude answered.

“And you said you didn't want a long-distance relationship for us,” Zero pressed on.

“I did”, he conceded.

“So what then?” Zero asked.

They fell silent again. Jude stared at him for a moment. Neither of them were shouting. Neither of them were yelling or screaming. Their voices had remained unusually quiet since the beginning, and Zero wondered if that was a good sign. The room was silent, and it was almost dark. The last glimpse of the day was the only source of light flooding the bedroom.

Zero felt his heart breaking. It was slow and painful. Everything was quiet yet all the walls of his world were crumbling down as he dared to ask.

“Are you…” His voice broke and he had to start again after swallowing thickly. “Are you breaking up with me?”

_Don’t do that. Please._

Jude’s voice was still painfully quiet as he started to talk again. “Look, Zero…”

But Zero couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t hear any of that. He was willing to fight the quietness of the room with all the damn strength that was left in him, not listening as Jude was yet still talking.

“Fuck that! Jude, you can't give up on us after everything we've been through this year!”

Jude forced him to calm down by cupping his neck, thumbs on his jawline. “I'm not going”, he said, eyes locking.

“What?” Zero stuttered.

“To Princeton. I'm not going to Princeton,” Jude repeated calmly.

Zero was completely lost. “But your father...”

“Lionel filed for divorce and fought for my custody,” Jude said.

Zero still couldn’t understand most of what Jude said after that. Something about how Lionel had filed for divorce on the grounds of ‘irreconcilable differences’ that she had refused to share even with him, how she had eventually managed to get him out of the divorce settlement, how Samuel helped her to find the right lawyer. The words kept flowing out of Jude’s mouth but he barely heard any of them. All he could process was that Jude wasn’t leaving him. He wasn’t breaking up.

_I’m not going._

_To Princeton._

_I’m not going to Princeton._

And suddenly, yes, suddenly his world was safe. His heart was fine.

“You're not going,” Zero repeated, still astounded.

A smile finally appeared on Jude’s face. “I'm not.”

It took only a minute for Zero to start worrying again. “Where are you going then? What will you be doing?”

Jude wrapped his arms around Zero’s shoulders, pulling himself closer, chests touching with every breath they were taking. “Well, they teach law at UCLA. Besides, I'm pretty sure Lionel wouldn't want me to go anywhere else.”

_Thank God for Lionel_.

“What do you say? UCLA?” Jude asked.

Zero let out an incredulous chuckle and shook his head, still struggling to believe how easily their problems seemed to have been solved. His hands fell on Jude’s lower back and pulled him even closer.

“Fuck _yes_.”

*

“I can help, I’m not disabled, just so you know.”

“You’re _recovering_. That’s practically the same thing.”

Zero was hit in the back by a pillow he hadn’t seen coming. He sighed and grabbed the pillow, before turning back and stepping closer to the bed and the sulky Jude resting on it. Truth be told, Jude was definitely _not_ the princess type, who liked to wait and be served. He hated the fact that he had to spend his days in bed, doing nothing but read and patiently wait for his recovery-time to finally end. Zero was sometimes wondering if his boyfriend didn’t have some kind of hyperactivity disorder going on in his pretty little head.

“Mr. Kinkade, do you really want me to remind you what happened last time you openly lied to my face and said that you were _fine_?” Zero asked, making Jude lift himself up to put the pillow he had used as a weapon back under his head.

Jude groaned. “Okay, you’re never going to let me live that down?”

Zero had a huge ‘ _you know you love me even when I’m a total asshole’_ grin. “Do you need to ask?”

Jude sighed and Zero sat down next to him. “Lionel said the furniture will be gone first thing tomorrow morning,” the baller said as they both peered at the piles of packed up boxes.

Only the bed and the bedside table had been left in their original place. The closet’s doors were ajar, completely empty, the blue curtains had been taken off from the large window, the books from the shelves. Some trophies from his glorious moments as a swimmer had been carefully enveloped in bubble-wrap by Lionel and were resting now in one of the boxes, probably the one at the bottom of the pile. Even the clock on the nightstand and the bedside lamp were nowhere to be seen.

Jude was so glad that Zero had volunteered to help him finish packing, because Lionel was neither blind, deaf nor stupid, but she didn’t _need_ to find out about the empty boxes of condoms left in his nightstand either. Zero had made fun of him about it, asking him if he was planning to start some kind of kinky memorial.

“Aren’t you a little sad to leave?”

Jude shrugged. “I told you. I’ve never really had the chance to grow attached to this house. I’ve spent more time in boarding school than here.”

Zero leaned back on his hands, his eyes wandering around. “Well, _I_ ’m going to miss this place.” When he turned his face to Jude, his boyfriend quirked an eyebrow. “I’m serious. It was cool to be here. You and Lionel, you were the first kind of real family I ever had.”

Jude made a face. “Don’t tell me you’re considering me a brother now. It’d be the worst break-up ever.”

Zero gave him a slap on his knee. “Shut up, stupid. I’m pouring my heart and you’re making fun of me, how mean is that?”

There was a comfortable silence between them.

“Have you ever thought about asking Allie? About your father?” Jude asked after a moment.

“Yeah”, Zero admitted.

“Did you?”

He shrugged. “No. There’s a reason why Samuel is married to Allie now. There’s a reason why Laura is here. There’s a reason why my Grandfather had a heart attack when I said I wasn’t going to change my name. There’s a reason to explain his absence. And I’m not sure I wanna find out about that,” Zero said calmly.

Brandon Waselewski would remain a mystery and he was fine with it. Worst case scenario, the guy would be dead, in jail, a junkie. Best case scenario, he would be married, successful, with a family of his own. Zero didn’t want to go there, not all over again. Not when Samuel was there and that he had what he needed with him – wow, was he actually admitting that he _needed_ someone else?

Allie wanted Zero back in her life. Samuel accepted him despite what should have probably been his better judgement. He knew where his eyes, and his face, and his shape, even his hair came from. He didn’t need to ask himself if his talent for ball came from someone else.

“I can’t believe you’ll keep Zero on your jersey _just_ to keep messing with your Grandfather,” Jude snorted. “If you don’t like your last name, you could let him win this battle at least.”

Zero made a face. “I don’t _hate_ my name. It’s just that some dummies aren’t able to fucking pronounce it the right way and I don’t want to end up as one of those stupid NBA ‘top ten unreadable names’.”

Jude chuckled and leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek. “That carpet has seen a lot,” he said after a moment, looking at the thick, rolled up material leaning against the drawer.

“And the bed.”

“And the shower.”

“And the couch.”

“Remember when we agreed on never telling that to Lionel?”

“Because you were planning on telling her the rest?”

Jude laughed wholeheartedly and Zero couldn’t help a fond grin. He reached for his face and softly caressed it. “Guess we will have to make new memories at your new place,” he said, lips almost touching.

“I guess so,” Jude smiled, closing the space between them with a kiss.

“I almost forgot,” Zero said, retrieving a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans. He handed it over to Jude, grinning.

Jude quirked an eyebrow and took the paper. He started to laugh after unfolding it. It was an A+ in algebra. “You were not a lost cause after all!”

“Let’s just say that my teacher works wonders.”


	16. Chapter 16

Zero was sitting on the edge of the deck, silently staring at the members of the Willwight Clan scattered around the backyard of the house of Connie and Richard Willwight. His grandparents were living in a wealthy suburb of Santa Monica, with a large pool and the pool house along with it. Not very different from what Zero had been expecting so far. The trip, although short, was spent playing some game on his phone with Laura, which preoccupied him enough to not get too worried.

Three months had passed since the disastrous first family reunion that Allie had hosted, as far as Zero knew, Richard and Allie had barely spoken two words. Connie had to perform a miracle to convince both her daughter and her husband to talk again. That’s probably why it came as a surprise that his grandmother was actually bothering to include _him_ , the bastard grandson, to the next family reunion hosted for the return of Benji. Zero meant to ask if he could be excused, because he really, _really_ wasn’t feeling like going and facing his insufferable grandfather once again. But truth be told, everyone (except Richard, that is) had been trying to make this work and he didn’t want to hurt Allie’s feelings – that was new to him. Until then, he never cared much about people’s expectations, so he reluctantly accepted the invitation.

Rachel, Celia and Candace were sitting by the swimming pool, and Allie was helping Connie with the food, taking small breaks from time to time to join her sisters and sister-in-law. Apparently, the skirmish between Allie and Candace was long forgotten, and for Zero who had never been anything but an only child (not like the other foster kids had ever been actual brothers and sisters to him), it was hard to process that stuff could just be forgotten so easily. Samuel and Aaron were, for their part, standing by the barbecue with Richard.

Because _of course_ , the Willwights were the type to have _barbecues_.

Behind his sunglasses, Zero would look up every now and then, but was mostly silent going through his phone instead. Robbie arrived shortly afterwards, blaming traffic, and threatened to push his sister Candace in the swimming pool when he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. Again, this kind of stuff was not exactly _alien_ to Zero, he could totally see himself threatening to do that to Kyle. But if anything it showed how much his friends meant to him, more than any family. And he was starting to wonder if he would ever be able to change that.

Connie came to set out several plates full of appetizers on the table near the garden. The number of chairs and plates was giving Zero social anxiety he didn’t know he had in the first place. There was obvious excitement in the whole family to see the firstborn return, even damn Richard smiling more than ever when a voice was heard from inside of the house.

Candace jumped to her feet.

“Benji!” everyone called out all at once.

Connie was the first one to embrace her eldest son, then Candace, and after dutifully greeting his family, Benji got closer as Allie made the introductions. Zero remembered what he had been told, how the two of them had been affected by his birth, he stiffened a little, more impressed that he was willing to admit.

Benji was his size, perhaps an inch taller even, and aside from Richard, the only one who looked physically impressive enough to shut Zero’s mouth, and send his stomach right in the vicinity of his shoes. It wasn’t even his shape that was the real problem, but more like, Benji’s expression, Benji’s fucking eyes, with the confidence of the guy who was a natural-born leader, from kindergarten to the fucking Marines.

“Nice to meet you,” Benji said as he shook Zero’s hand.

“Yeah, nice to meet you,” his nephew mumbled cautiously.

He was about to ask Allie if he could have a good mark for behaving, but instead he startled when Connie touched his shoulder, after Benji had been taken away by someone else. Feeling self-conscious all of a sudden, Zero took his sunglasses off.

“I didn’t really have the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am for whatever happened. Even… Even with Richard,” she said, and he knew she was sincere.

Zero was about to fire off some snarky comment about the fact that in the end they all managed to survive, right? But he wasn’t sure that Connie, devoted wife, mother and grandmother, who had spent the last forty years confronted by her husband, and children sent all over the world to serve their country, was the kind of person to openly make jokes about death and survival.

Instead, he just cleared his throat. “Don’t worry, it’s fine,” he said.

And somehow, he meant it. He wasn’t gonna start to blame every single person associated with the fact that most of his life had been a living hell up until now, or he would never find the time to do anything else.

Zero almost heard a ‘pop’ as Laura seemed to appear out of nowhere. “Zero! Can I play with your phone? _Pleaaase,_ ” she insisted, hanging on to his arm while jumping on the spot.

Before Zero could reply, Connie smiled and knelt down to Laura’s level. “Your brother will play with you later, but right now he’s got someone else to look after.”

Zero frowned, turning a puzzled face to Connie. “Like who?”

“Like me,” a voice said behind him, making him turn back in a jump.

Jude was standing in the open French doors marking the entrance to the deck. For a second Zero was speechless, which was a first. “What are you doing here?” he stuttered, eyes wide.

Jude smirked, his hands shoved in the pockets of his slim chinos. “Right now, I’m trying not to feel offended by my boyfriend’s rude behavior,” then he added with a movement of his chin as Connie and Laura were walking away: “Your mother and grandmother invited me.”

Zero felt a stupid grin taking over his face, and he pulled his boyfriend close for a hug, not really paying attention to the fact that he could feel everyone’s eyes on him. If Connie had decided to do that, to invite him over, that’s because she had known how important Jude was to him, and from there, he didn’t give a damn.

“I can’t believe you never mentioned how good he looked,” Candace purred as she hovered next to them.

Zero felt his cheeks redden, but it wasn’t shame or embarrassment that he was feeling, rather pride and stupid fondness. He cleared his throat. “Jude, my aunt Candace. The genius who told me to tell both Oscar and Lionel to fuck off when you were at the hospital,” Zero introduced dryly.

Candace looked offended but Jude laughed. “I like you already,” he said, and suddenly, Candace seemed very pleased with herself.

Zero’s heartbeat was messed up when Richard turned to Jude. Astonishingly, his boyfriend didn’t even flinch under his grandfather’s gaze, not even when they shook hands – while Zero was on the verge of throwing up, or throwing fits, at this point he didn’t know. Which part of _boyfriend_ had Richard _not_ understood? What did Connie _do_ to her husband?

Aaron started to distribute Champagne around shortly afterwards, and Zero assumed everybody was here. “Dad?” Aaron asked as he turned towards Richard after handing a drink to his brother Robbie.

“You know I disapprove of alcohol, Aaron,” Richard scolded him.

Zero stared at his grandfather for a moment, then looked somewhere else, uncomfortable all of a sudden. Aaron called him out. “What do you want to drink?” his uncle asked him when he turned his head to him. “Coke will be fine,” Zero mumbled sheepishly.

Zero and Jude were sitting on the edge of the deck, while the conversations resumed after they had all cheered to Benji’s return. When his uncle Benji turned to his father (and thus towards them), Jude couldn’t help a laugh. It was one thing that Zero had the same facial structure as basically all his male relatives, the same eyes as _everyone_ in this family, and was closest in terms of hair color to his grandfather than anyone else probably ever was, but _this. This_ was too _much_.

Jude leaned closer to Zero, a huge grin on his face. “You’re _so_ lucky I don’t have a kink for soldiers right now.” Honestly, just by looking at his boyfriend’s uncle, Jude could already tell what Zero would look like in about fifteen years, and _gosh_ he didn’t know that was possible to find him even more attractive.

Zero looked offended. “How can you say that to my face?”

Jude laughed. “As I said, it’s a good thing I _don’t_ have one.”

Zero nudged him. Sometime later, once they were all sitting at the table, Zero heard Allie tell Celia and Aaron that her son would be attending UCLA next fall, and there was definitely pride in her voice.

“What about you, Jude?” Aaron asked with a smile from across the table.

“Law at UCLA,” Jude replied. “I’m not one for great causes and human struggles, but I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to numbers-”

“He _totally_ is,” Zero interjected.

“-so I was thinking about maybe finance,” Jude completed after making a face at his boyfriend.

Aaron laughed. “Law _and_ numbers? Eh, Samuel!” His brother-in-law turned towards them, putting a hold on his conversation with Richard. “It looks like we made a baby together.”

“Now that you mention it, Jude you _do_ look like Samuel. I’m just sayin’,” Candace pointed out innocently between two sips of her drink.

“Stop that!" Zero snapped when everyone, especially Jude, started to laugh.

“Ah, you know what they say when you bring your boo into the family,” Robbie drawled.

“Talking about that, when are we finally going to see Tracy?” Connie asked, making her son groan.

“Does she even _exist_?” Rachel mischievously wondered.

The conversation then drifted on the supposedly crazy schedule of Tracy, and then the health care system in general. Zero and Jude, who were luckily sitting side by side, stopped caring about the outside world and literally lost themselves in their own bubble.

“How’s Lionel enjoying her new life?” Zero asked at some point.

Jude smirked. “You know her. She’s a phoenix. Soon Oscar’s will have been just one more bump on the road.”

Zero was laughing when another voice broke into their bubble. “Wait a minute. You're a Kinkade kid?” They both looked up, meeting the surprised glance of Zero’s aunt, Celia.

Jude looked vaguely uncomfortable. “The one and only, at least as far as I'm concerned. Didn't know I had a reputation.”

Zero felt his own body stiffen and he barely restrained his hand from protectively reaching for Jude. He searched his aunt’s face for any kind of disapproval, but there was nothing but… _excitement?_

“You're _kidding_ me? Everybody has been talking about your father's divorce!” she exclaimed.

Robbie snorted. “By ‘everybody’, she means the six people on earth who sleep with the constitution on their nightstand.”

Celia glared at Robbie. “Bernstein was _pissed_ when he came back to his firm, the whole city knows he's screwed up pretty badly.”

Jude frowned and clearly looked like he didn’t know what to think of that. “Celia had an internship in his firm, years ago,” Allie pointed out helpfully. Jude hummed in response.

“The worst three weeks of my life,” Celia concurred dryly. “Apparently it’s not the first time he screwed up and everyone’s pretty fed up with him already. I’m just wondering what the hell happened in this meeting.”

“You know it’s not really ethical to be doing what you’re doing?” Samuel said, gesturing towards Jude with his chin.

Jude shook his head, biting back a snort. “I don’t really know what happened myself anyway. My dad and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms and my stepmother doesn’t find it worth talking about him anymore.”

“If you’re his only son, why wouldn’t he care about you?”

There was a strained silence as everyone at their end of the table turned their head to Richard. Zero felt his heartbeat rise. Apparently, his Grandfather was just well and truly pretending not to hear their conversation.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to ask him if you ever have the misfortune to meet him,” Jude replied calmly with a cold smile.

Richard seemed to be considering his answer, his blue eyes still focused on Jude. He eventually shook his head with a dismissive twitch of an eyebrow. “Some people should think twice about having kids, if it’s only to despise them,” he grumbled under his breath.

That could have been sweet, if only it was not the most ironic thing he had ever heard. Before Zero could even think about saying something, or more precisely, _not_ saying something, he felt the warmth of Jude’s hand on his knee.

“I think some people should think twice when they choose to despise kids at all. Blaming them for whatever is beyond their control doesn’t make it any more honorable,” his boyfriend said, his tone still so _even,_ even though Zero knew by now that it was beyond-angry-quiet-Jude.

The whole table was now patiently waiting for something to happen, the atmosphere thick with electricity. Finally, Connie broke the silence when she stood up calmly. “Richard, do you mind helping me in the kitchen?”

His cold stare still focused on Jude, Richard complied and followed his wife inside, but no one actually started to talk until both Zero’s grandparents were beyond hearing distance. Robbie cleared his throat and asked Rachel something about baby Teddy, and Samuel and Benji resumed a conversation they had been having before Richard took a closer interest at his grandson’s boyfriend.

Zero reached for Jude’s hand and held it tight. “Thank you,” he said, not bothering to care before he pressed a kiss on the back of his hand.

*

“Jude.”

Jude wiggled in bed, not quite ready to wake up yet, even when Zero started to poke his chest lightly. After the family reunion at the Willwights the day before, Zero had politely declined the invitation to stay for dinner with the rest of the family, choosing to come back in town with Jude instead. Jude had proceeded to tease Zero on the way back, asking him if he should be bothered by the fact that he indeed looked like Samuel, and Zero replied that they had started dating _long_ before he even knew that Samuel Hipwell existed. After that, they spent the evening with the gang, hanging out on the district court until it was dark, and Zero fired off pleading texts to Allie to have Jude stay for the night.

After the third one, she eventually capitulated.

“Juude.”

“Hmmm.”

There was a chuckle. “Wake up.”

Jude flung a lazy arm over his face. The mattress moved under him and soon he felt the warmth of Zero’s body closer.

“Wake up, birthday boy,” Zero said with another chuckle.

Jude lowered his arm, his eyes eventually fluttering open. Oh fuck. He was the worst boyfriend in the world. Zero wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer for a morning kiss that sent shivers across Jude’s body. _Oh_. Yes. He was totally on board all of a sudden. But Zero seemed to have a different thing in mind and he broke the kiss, a frustrated moan escaping from Jude’s lips when the baller leaned back.

“Happy Birthday. Consider this a pre-gift,” Zero said with a grin as he handed him a small black and white gift bag.

Jude’s looked at him with disbelief. “You shouldn’t-”

“Hell no, Jude. I’m telling you right here, right now, don’t be one of those,” Zero laughed, shaking his head, and Jude couldn’t help a blush. “Just open it.”

The bag was small and light, and when Jude opened it, he was surprised to retrieve nothing but a small piece of black silky fabric. It took him a second to process it. “A bowtie?” Jude wondered with a puzzled face.

Was it some kind of kink Zero had? It didn’t look like it, because there was a genuine smile on his face, rather than his trade-mark smirk.

“Jude Kinkade, will you be my prom date?” Zero asked.

Jude was speechless. Prom night hadn’t even crossed his mind once since at least four months ago, and even before, he hadn’t actually given it much thought at all. Most of the fuss revolving around that particular night had been far from his actual worries, and he had forgotten that Kyle and Ahsha were members of the prom committee. The fact that last month had been spent between hospital and recovery time at home hadn’t been helping to catch up on a social life.

“Are you serious? You’d attend prom night with… with a guy?” Jude found nothing more stupid to ask.

Zero shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned I’m dating one, and the whole school knows about it since that one particular day in the Cafeteria. So, what do you say?”

Jude’s eyes travelled from the bowtie in his hands to Zero, several times, then a huge smile lightened his features. “Of course I wanna go with you,” he beamed as he leaned forward to capture his lips.

When their bodies crashed, the gift bag loudly wrinkled between them and Zero huffed a laugh. They parted so that Jude could place the bowtie back in the bag and then the bag on the bedside table, before Jude wrapped his arms around Zero, pulling him down. He managed to get on top of him and started to kiss him hungrily, tongues tangling as Zero’s fingertips explored Jude’s back. Their heartbeats were just a mess. _Fuck, it’s been months_ , Jude couldn’t help but think. Months since it was nearly as hot as this.

Zero’s hands clung onto his hips and a moan escaped from his throat as Jude conscientiously teased every single soft spot he had managed to discover in the last few months. Zero was forced to muffle his face in Jude’s shoulder, biting his lower lip as he could feel arousal pooling low in his stomach. It was the sound of the door handle that made them both jolt off each other, eyes wide in horror as Laura was standing in the doorframe, still wearing her pajamas.

"Laura what- what’re you doing here?" Zero stuttered, breathless from the shock – and perhaps not just the shock.

His sister was looking at them. “Mom and dad are sleeping and I'm hungry,” she said.

Zero was practically sure his cheeks were _bright red_ by now. He refused to look at Jude, trying to ease his heartbeat and to cool his features at least a little. "Okay. Just-Just go downstairs, I'm coming in a sec," he croaked out.

She nodded and left the room. Jude dropped himself on his back, hiding his face in his hands. "What did we just do?" he whined.

Zero was torn between crying and laughing. He didn’t think anything could really put such a hold on his libido but apparently, it took only an intrusive little sister. He eventually let out a heavy breath, then pushed the sheets back and stood up, running a hand through his hair. He dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. “And this is why we can’t sleep in this house together,” he said dryly, closing the door behind him before heading barefoot downstairs. 

Laura was patiently waiting in the kitchen like nothing awkward or slightly traumatizing had happened a second before. Zero cleared his throat, forcing to meet her pretty blue eyes. “So, what do you want for breakfast?”

“I want cereal but they are all in the upper cabinet," she said, pointing as she was talking.

Zero nodded and opened it. He had no trouble spotting Laura’s favorite brand among the others since the box was pink with a huge unicorn. He handed her the box and watched her as she was putting some in her bowl. He had never actually taken care of her before, because Allie was there most of the time, but he was surprised to find that it didn't bother him much. If she could just revise her timing a little, he wouldn't even mind at all, maybe.

He was slowly starting to relax and recover a normal heartbeat as the seconds went on.

“He looks like a Disney Prince,” she said as he was pouring milk in her bowl.

"Who?" he asked absentmindedly.

"Your boyfriend,” she replied between two spoons of cereals.

Zero looked up at her, almost dropping the milk bottle, nervous all of a sudden. “And that… doesn't that bother you?”

He didn’t know why he was asking. It wasn’t just about the fact that she had just seen them all over each other the minute before. Some part of him didn’t want her to be ashamed of the big brother she had been nagging everyone about for five months now.

“Two boys loving each other?” he added after a second.

To his surprise, she shrugged, unfazed. "Tiffany has two daddies." 

“Oh”, was all he found to reply. And suddenly he felt stupid.

He welcomed Allie with relief, as she was stepping downstairs. “You’re up early,” she commented with a surprised glance at Laura’s breakfast.

“I just came to help her reach the cereal,” Zero said, clearing his throat again. “I’ll be, uh, upstairs.” Before Allie could say anything, he headed back to his bedroom, where Jude was apparently still haunted by the fear of having traumatized a kid. 

Zero closed the door and dropped himself on the bed. “So, I got good news and bad news. Which one you wanna hear first?”

“Fire the bad one,” Jude groaned.

“You’re so brave,” Zero grinned. He crossed his legs and turned towards Jude. “She clearly understood what she saw. But again, we weren’t exactly doing _much_ either, so it’s kinda not so bad.”

Jude gave him a look. “What’s the good one?”

“Tiffany has two daddies,” Zero said with a knowing look.

Jude snorted and shook his head.

“ _But_ , since my boyfriend looks like, and I quote, ‘a Disney Prince’, and given she’s six, in ten years you could be the first gay President of this country if you play your cards wisely with the coming generation,” Zero added, and Jude threw a pillow at him.

“Stop, that it’s ridiculous,” he hissed, but Zero didn’t seem to pay any attention.

Instead he joined his hands together. “Please, I beg you, a gay President, that’s the only thing that could make my grandfather leave the country, please, please, _please._ ”

“Will you shut _up_?!” Jude laughed as he pressed a hand on Zero’s mouth.

*

The bottle of Champagne popped between Lionel’s hands and she let out a satisfied giggle when some of the golden liquid fizzled out. She put some in two flutes, handing the first one to Allie, who was sitting on the couch. They were in the living room of what was Lionel’s brand new purchase. She had occupied Oscar’s house on purpose until the very last minute to show him that she was absolutely afraid of nothing. With Jude’s recovery, she had to take care of their move to the new apartment she bought, a duplex in a fancy neighborhood that her father found for her. Being the daughter of an estate mogul had its perks, and she wasn’t planning to be ashamed of it.

"So, what are you going to do now that Jude will be off to college?" Allie asked as Lionel was sitting next to her.

The brunette shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not in a rush to find hubby #3. I'll probably work a little for my dad, he had always dreamt about that."

It was funny, all this time behaving like the grown up, like the parental figure, like the one in charge, sometimes playing with fire just to protect a kid she loved as her own. And in the end, she was still someone else's kid, with all the expectations that went with it. Oscar had never been much of a family man, not with his son, not with his own kind, and certainly not with his wife’s, but now she was planning to make up for the lost time with her relatives, and she knew that Jude wouldn’t mind in the slightest.

Lionel's glance fell on the flute of Champagne Allie had put on the ottoman table, and she smirked. "Did you tell anyone yet?" she asked innocently.

Allie didn't try to deflect. “Nah. Not even to Samuel,” she confessed, her fingers brushing her still flat stomach. “I’m still not quite sure what to think about it. Laura’s birth wasn’t all pink and glitter, I didn’t think…” She just waved in the air to mimic the end of the sentence.

Her second pregnancy had gone well, because Samuel was always so caring and just took care of everything. It’s when Laura was born that it had gone downhill. Her post-partum depression had been hell to cope with, and back then she was haunted by the feeling that the baby she was holding wasn’t the right baby. After that, they hadn’t been able to have more kids and her gynecologist told her it probably had more to do with her mind rather than her body.

Allie bit her bottom lip. “Thing is, I'm a tiny bit afraid that Zero thinks I'm replacing him as soon as he leaves for college.”

Lionel chuckled. “Trust me, it's these kinds of things that make us overthink everything. I'm sure it's going to be fine." She took one more sip of Champagne then pressed her lips together. “Besides, he and Jude could give each other big brother tips".

Allie looked up at her with an amused smile. "Is there something going on I didn't know about?"

Lionel laughed and shook her head. "Nah, not that way at least. I'm thinking about, I don’t know, maybe adoption."

“It might be a long and tough road,” Allie pointed out carefully.

Lionel snorted. “Try remaining married to Oscar Kinkade for seven years. I’m bulletproof.”


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaand it's a wrap! :D  
> Thank you everybody for sticking to this story until the end, commenting and giving kudos, it's very sweet of you!  
> (If you ever wonder, _Within You_ , by Ray LaMontagne was my soundtrack all the while writing this last bit ;) )

 “Lionel will have this one printed and hanging on a wall by the end of the week,” Jude commented as he looked at the selfies they had taken before the beginning of the dance.

“Make it two, Allie won’t miss the shot either,” Zero snorted.

Kyle nudged both of them. “Look at the two of you, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“You’re fishing for compliments,” Jude retorted and Kyle gave him an offended look that made him laugh. She looked naturally great but her red prom dress made her look like a model on a catwalk. Not to mention that she definitely seemed to be the perfect twin of perfect Zero in his _so_ -perfect tuxedo.

“She wouldn’t be Kyle if she didn’t know she looked good,” Raquel stated as the two blond heads were talking between themselves.

“Point for you,” Jude laughed.

Surprisingly, Raquel hadn’t flinched under the eyes of her classmates when she arrived with Kyle – “Fuck patriarchy and social expectations,” was Kyle’s motto for her lack of a male date. Raquel was absolutely stunning in her light chiffon dress and had not cared about trying to come up with a way to somehow hide her baby bump. To be honest, Jude was fucking astounded by the strength of character she was demonstrating.

At some point during the night, Kyle started to get sulky, the prom committee was apparently way behind the night schedule for some announcement thing. Raquel said she was going to get some fresh air outside and Jude volunteered to accompany her. The room was somewhat suffocating and he wasn’t going to complain about some fresh air either. When they got back inside, and almost half an hour after the initial schedule had anticipated it, the prom committee requested everyone’s attention to announce the winner of the Prom Queen title.

Without much surprise, Jelena had been nominated as a candidate – she looked like a tiny Olivia Pope in her black and white prom dress – then became the official tenant of the title. The gang acclaimed her with all their heart, and Jude had never seen her half as happy.

A few minutes later, the Prom King nominees were called on stage by Coach Robertson, who looked surprisingly proud to nominate two of his players. No fucking surprise, Zero was one of them. Jude’s smile was so bright that it seemed to light the whole room, but he didn’t care, even if he looked cheesy as hell. Zero was messing around on stage with Terrence when Jerry, from the Debate team, was announced as the third candidate, but Jude only had eyes for his boyfriend – he was so beautiful in his tuxedo that he could hardly take his eyes away from him, let alone stop smiling.

Fate helped him a great deal, though.

“Please, welcome on stage the fourth and final candidate for the title of Prom King – Jude Kinkade,” Coach Robertson announced.

Jude’s eyes widened and his smile dropped in a split second. _What the hell_. Next to him, Raquel and Kyle were literally squealing and started to push him ahead. “What? What the hell, _no_!” Jude was protesting, but no one really paid attention to him. “Who fucking nominated _me_?”

How come no one had informed him of that?! Was he not supposed to give his stupid consent at some point? Then the wheels started to turn in his head. Fucking Raquel. _Fucking everyone_. They all fucking _knew_. He was just so damn easy to predict that everyone _just knew_ it would only take Raquel to say she was going outside _alone_ , _at night, pregnant_ to take some fucking _fresh air_ to fucking send him away while Zero was probably heading with Terrence and Jelena for the fucking prom court gathering.

“Come on, Kinkade,” Coach Robertson said, barely biting back his smile.

Zero’s grin was so _huge_ that his face looked on the verge of splitting in fucking two. “Come on Jude!” he insisted, literally laughing his damn ass off, soon followed by Terrence and – of course why _not_ – Jerry.

Kyle and Derek didn’t embarrass themselves and pushed him towards the stage, where Zero and Terrence kept calling him. “I hate you all _so much,_ ” Jude complained, cheeks flushed red, as he reluctantly joined them on stage.

“No you don’t,” Zero huffed in a laugh, slipping an arm behind his shoulders as they all gathered in a more formal manner under the invitation of Robertson. “You signed up for a real high school experience, remember?” the baller asked, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Coach Robertson was opening the envelope, although he probably already knew the result. _What am I even doing here,_ Jude wondered. That was such a Zero thing, he had no business on _stage_! He furiously glared at Kyle and Raquel, who were still applauding, ecstatic.

The Coach took the microphone. “As you’ve been told earlier, this year had brought a little element of surprise, but we’ve decided to roll with it. It has not been exactly easy to sort things out, but we managed to do it only two minutes ago.”

The loud background noise of happy squeals, laughs and excited conversations had dropped as fast as Jude’s smile a minute earlier, and a dead silence was now filling the room. Coach Robertson turned the card that was in the envelope for everyone to see – nothing was written.

“For the first time in the school’s history, we are not going to crown one Prom King, but two. Zero Waselewski and Jude Kinkade,” Coach Robertson turned to them with what looked like a fucking grin.

The crowd started to cheer, easily covering the ‘ _you got to be kidding me_!’ that blurted from Jude’s mouth while Zero was bursting into laughter.

“You are officially Prom King and Prom King. Everyone, congratulate them, because no matter how hard we tried, how many times we checked and double-checked the results, it seems that those two are well and truly tied.”

The crowd burst into applause and Jude was still completely in disbelief when Zero drew him to take a step ahead, after Terrence and Jerry gave them their congratulations. _This is fucking insane,_ Jude’s brain kept uttering.

When Robertson gave them the microphone after apologizing for the fact that they had only one crown, Jude blatantly said “That’s fine, it really is his thing, trust me I’m good,” and everybody laughed. He inherited the sash and didn’t complain, although Zero looked like a fucking prom night wet dream with his crown.

They greeted Jelena, who curiously didn’t look bitter about not having her own dreamt prom king, and since they seemed to be painstakingly ruining every tradition of prom night, they insisted that Terrence come for the dance not to make things more awkward than they already were – at least, that was Jude’s strong, _strong_ feeling, but Zero seemed more than okay with all of it. _Such a slut for fame_ , he thought with a smirk. Other couples joined them after a while and Jude felt his body relax slowly, as he had been more than self-conscious under the scrutiny of his fellow students. He melted against Zero’s body, the baller’s lips reaching for the small spot of skin emerging from Jude’s dress shirt’s collar, just below his ear. Now that it was just the two of them – or, kind of – again, he couldn’t stop the stupid smile on his face as he looked up into Zero’s soft expression.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“What?”

He gave him a look. “This. Prom King and Prom King.”

Zero chuckled. “I didn’t do anything. I swear.” Jude wasn’t convinced and his boyfriend leaned closer. “Although Kyle _definitely_ did. She campaigned so hard for us. She wanted it to be some kind of ‘you made it’ gift after your surgery and all.”

Jude chuckled and shook his head. He gazed into the crowd above Zero’s shoulder. Whether he wanted to or not, he was scanning every detail and his brain had already gone into full ‘treasure this moment’ mode. For the first time since what felt like ages, he was feeling utterly happy. There was no condition on his happiness. No abusive foster home threatening to destroy the boy he loved. No heart disease sneaking its way back into his life. No obnoxious father. No custody settlement hanging up in the air. No worries about winding up three thousand miles away from where his heart would be. He was happy, just happy, as he had never been before.

A laugh escaped from his lips at that moment, making Zero quirk a brow in question. When he followed his gaze in the crowd, parting from him a little, and he saw the exact thing that had brought Jude’s attention, Zero gasped. Sadie and Jesse were dancing, glued to each other. “I swear, if they ever make a baby, I’ll leave this fucking country”, he groaned.

Jude smirked. “You’d miss your first gay President. A shame, don’t you think?”

Zero grinned. “So, you are campaigning after all?” he asked innocently.

His boyfriend shrugged. “Who knows? But first, let’s keep it local.”

“You’re right. Owning this school, check.”

“Pretty sure you’ll own UCLA too within the first week.”

“ _We_ will own UCLA. Then fucking Los Angeles, baby.”

“King and King of LA? Sounds great.”

“And you said the crown wasn’t your thing!” Zero laughed.

Jude pulled him closer. “Whatever is your thing, it’s mine too.”

“Sap,” Zero grinned against his lips.

“Your sap.”

THE END


End file.
